Having a bit of success, so...

How many different things have I tried and documented in this space? How many times have I cleared out that sidebar with week-by-week weight progress, and started anew?

I'm experiencing moderate, measurable weight loss, so I guess it's time to clock in again. What am I doing?

(1) One of my very good friends, who is following a paleo diet, challenged me to cut out sugar. Like, all sugar. Unbelievably, I did it; it took a few days or a week to reprogram myself, but the sugar cravings finally went away. However, even 15 or 18 days into my no-sugar streak I was still making the decision individually, every time sugar was in front of me. Am I going to eat this? Or not? I knew that plain old no sugar was not an answer for me. I purposely chose to eat and savor a Krispy Kreme doughnut over spring break with my children (and honestly, though it was very good, it wasn't as good as my brain told me it would be, and that tought me a lesson). And then I went right back to sugar-free without problems. So I've decided on a long-term plan, I think. Once a week I will either make or purchase the sugary treat I'm wanting most, and I will eat a single serving of it and I will feel it dissolve in my mouth and I will enjoy the heck out of it. And this will give me the strength to avoid other sugary things just because they're in front of me, I hope. This decision has relieved me of the decision making process, at least; I no longer have to decide with each and ever treat whether I'm still sugar-free or not, because I know my treat is coming on Saturday and it's going to be fabulous. However, I can't argue with the results. Not eating sugar has helped me.

(2) I've gone back to food combining for most of the day. For all meals and snacks before dinnertime, I eat only foods that digest well together. This means fruits absolutely alone, grains alone or with veggies, proteins alone or with veggies. I've tried to cut down my carbs during this period, and increase my proteins. I think this has helped a lot, too.

(3) Most importantly, I still eat the dinner I prepare, exactly as I prepare it, with my children. I think it is important, essential even, for me to set an example for my kids. Why would I make them something so unhealthy that I can't eat it? Why would I teach them that our diet is not a diet I can healthily loose weight on? So this is my stickiest point, and I'm very dedicated to it: I eat dinner with my family, and I eat what they're eating. (So during this meal, I often do combine proteins and grains, veggies and fruits, etc.)

(4) I am also fasting twice per week, breakfast and lunch only.

My goal is to lose about 5 pounds per month. I have 30 pounds to lose, and this will let me be goal weight by the end of the summer. Start of the summer would be better for swimsuit wearing, obviously, but I don't think it's realistic.

Happily, I exceeded my goal for March. I lost about 8.2 pounds. And I feel like I'm on a roll, like things will only improve from here. Wish me luck!

Back and forth. Up and down.

I'll start by saying this: I'm at peace with me. I bore seven babies, I love food, I move my body, I am what I am.

I have gained and lost 10 pounds quite a few times now. I start, I think I'm on a roll, I level off, I maintain, eventually I gain. I probably have more starting over posts in this sad little blog than I have anything else.

I have a goal, an actual goal. I've never set one of those before, to lose X by date Y. I went to a number of BMR calculators to see how many calories I should (theoretically) eat in a day to accomplish it. But I made my goal reasonable, 1.5 pounds per week, and it's going to be a long haul to get where I'm going. Anything worth doing is worth doing over the long haul; but though it may be simple, that doesn't mean it is easy.

I've removed exercise from the equation. That doesn't mean that I don't do it—on the contrary, I love exercise. It just means that I don't expect it to affect the scale. A good exercise week will not equate to a bigger loss, a specific kind of exercise will not be more magical than other exercise. So I do what I feel like doing every day. I move, I watch the sun inch up over the mountains, I saunter around my neighborhood, I do push ups and lift weights. However much, whenever I want, without the compulsion that this will contribute to a big loss on the scale. As long as it contributes to my feeling of well-being, that's all I want.

And I do feel well. I feel happy, healthy, and balanced.

Life I love you. All is groovy!

Feeling insanely good this morning. Did 35 minutes of cardio before I woke the kids up, and then went out and ran a half mile afterward. Half mile isn't much, but there was a light rain falling and it just felt so good to push myself a wee bit harder than I already had. Abs work yet to come.

Down about five pounds since Sunday morning's weigh in.

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Now playing: Simon & Garfunkel - The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)

Finding my limits

So I fasted two meals Sunday (total calories ~500) and walked about a bit, expending more than sedentary would.

I fasted two meals Monday (total calories a bit less than 500) and exercised about double what I usually would. My energy level, despite the previous and current day's fast, was fantastic yesterday.

I was going to eat only fruit leading up to my evening meal today, as a sort of cleanse. Tried to exercise, but could only do about 30 minutes of cardio and really pooped out during strength training. And I got light-headed around 3:00 and decided I needed to eat a meal.

Lesson learned: Just barely over 1000 calories is not enough nutrition to sustain me into the third day.

Lesson number two: I lost a total of about four pounds in two days. That's a good beginning. Am weakish right now, and looking forward to a good, filling dinner.

Oddly, am not struggling with hunger pangs or cravings. No sugar three days now, though the cupboard is full of it. *shrug* I never know why things go well, I'm just glad they do.

So I guess I feel like writing

Weighed myself Sunday morning, the result being the most I have ever weighed non-pregnant: 167 pounds. This exceeds my previous highest high by four pounds.

Yesterday I fasted two meals, with nary a problem. Took a long walk with the kids after church.

This morning's weigh in: 165.6. Today I also fasted two meals, no problem. Did more than an hour of cardio, plus upper body weight training.

So excited for summer, when I get a little more time to myself. I can't maybe keep up that much exercise, but I can be more consistent.

Hopefully, hopefully this is the beginning of something long term and subtractive. I feel amazingly good this evening, really full of energy though I've had less than 1000 calories in 48 hours.

Wish I could predict. Would love to get back down to 140; 130 feels like a pipe dream at this point.

It's always a roller coaster, isn't it?

• I'm at my highest non-pregnant weight. I've been here once before, and my body likes this weight. Loves it, maybe. I'm very stable here, I can eat a lot and not gain; but I can also eat a little, and not lose.
  
  
• I have, therefore, 20 pounds to lose, to get to a good weight for me. My deepest desire would be 30 pounds, but I've never accomplished that weight, ever, for all my trying.
  
  
• I've been exercising faithfully for about six weeks now, after a fairly long hiatus. My aerobic capacity is slowly increasing, and my strength is increasing as well. Just bought a few new strength training DVDs to help me mix stuff up a little.
  
  
• Have been doing quite well in recent weeks on portion control, and eating less.
  
  
• Made the mistake last week of weighing myself to see if all this exercise and careful eating has had any effect. I haven't budged so much as an ounce after more than a month of effort.
  
  
• So Friday and Saturday I ate pretty much everything in sight, indulged in all my favorites. Delicious!
  
  
• And then I realized what I was doing. Same old thing; if I don't see the results I think I should, I don't have the willpower to keep going. I inhale the baby, the bathwater, and everything else edible; since eating less didn't work, why not eat all I want?
  
  
• So I'm back in the saddle more or less, and I'm not going to weigh myself. Because it's all a mind game. I want to eat well and exercise no matter what the results, and I don't want to lose control if there's no obvious difference on the scale.
  
  
• Back when I started Eat Stop Eat and I didn't see results as quickly as I wanted, I determined that a 24-hour fast (say, from 6pm Mon - 6pm Tue) wasn't working for me. I was basically only fasting two meals because I'd begin my fast after eating lunch one day and end it before eating lunch the next. Wasn't working. So I started fasting calendar days instead, e.g. fasting all three meals on Tuesday.
  
  
• The that ceased to work for me. Fasting became almost as much of a mind game as weighing was—me negotiating mentally with myself, or breaking down after two fasted meals and saying, "But food isn't bad!" while I consumed an entire day's calories.
  
  
• I don't know why it took me so long—more than a year!—to remember the original form of Eat Stop Eat, but I decided yesterday after lunch to try again. So I fasted last night's dinner, this morning's breakfast, and today's lunch. Three meals. It was easy! I didn't even actually get hungry, though I wanted food.
  
  
• The best part was, as Brad Pilon says, I got to eat on each day. I knew I could start yesterday because I'd already had two meals I really enjoyed; I knew I could make it through today because I could look forward to a delicious dinner. So perhaps, perhaps, I'm back in ESE business. We'll see.
  
  
• Husband can't do Eat Stop Eat well at all, he gets migraine-level headaches when he fasts. He kept trying, did like 20 fasts with this debilitating head pain. (Going without food isn't an issue at all, in fact he finds it a relief not to have to think about meals. If only he could see through the blinding head pain.) Finally I told him that I certainly wouldn't do something that made me suffer so terribly, if it was only one of many options to accomplish a weight loss goal.

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Now playing: Muse - Easily

This is everything it's cracked up to be!

Weighed myself for the first time in months and months this morning. Was within one pound of where I suspected I was.

I'm giving two thumbs way, way up for food combining so far. I'm staying full between meals, I'm eating less, and I have no cravings. I have cookies and chocolate in the cupboard, and they are so not an issue, which is nigh unto miraculous considering how I binged on sugar last weekend and the beginning of this week. I should still be having to muscle through withdrawals. Nope.

Onward!

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Now playing: A Fine Frenzy - You Picked Me

Who are you, and what have you done with slightly neurotic Alyson?

Is this success, or failure? I don't even know, to be truthful.

I mentioned that my husband and I had spent hours and hours discussing the current societal view of beauty, the realities of me having borne seven children, and what clothes look good on my current body.

The change in my psyche since that conversation has been, I have to say it, pretty profound. Suddenly I don't care about losing weight. I don't care if I ever do. My desire to be a tight, hard little size 8 or 6 is gone, gone as surely as if it never existed. It's only been a couple of weeks, but I see everyone very differently than I did just two weeks ago. I'm more accepting of personal variations. I think there is a flattering way to dress for every body type, and that if someone looks bad at their weight it is possibly/probably because they're not wearing the right sorts of clothes.

I have some cute clothes now, in the size I currently am. They look pretty good on me, and I look pretty good in them—I guess it's a symbiotic relationship. :) And for the moment I feel free from the pressure I put on myself to chase an ideal that is unreachable (except through plastic surgery and photoshop).

Does that mean I never want to lose another ounce? Nah. But it means I'm going to be happier with myself right where I am. And I'm going to be less focused on weigh-ins. And I'll be contented with small losses or losses that take a long time, rather than feeling like I'll only really be happy if I manage to lose 20 pounds this week. Even though I know that's impossible, I've felt that way before. It's dumb.

I know I could eat less and survive nicely. I know I consume more calories than a 120-pound body needs, or one that weighs 130 or even 140. So some days I'll eat less. I'll try to limit portions, and stop eating when I'm full—listen less to my tastebuds and more to my satisfied stomach. I'll try to limit empty calories, not eat so much sugar. And I'll weigh myself when I feel like it, and not worry about it when I don't. For the time being, I'm not a slave to public opinion. That's a good place to be.

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Now playing: Doves - Kingdom of Rust
via FoxyTunes

Shout-out to Angela

Having a conversation with Angela, who commented on my last post.

First could you explain a bit more when you mean you didn't touch your metabolism? As in you never felt a change etc?

I mean that it functioned the same before, during, and afterward. I didn't cause it damage, I didn't slow it down or speed it up. People are so afraid of "ruining" their metabolisms and entering starvation mode. I don't believe it. I believe they're not experiencing the quick loss they want, so they make up other excuses for it like starvation mode or slow metabolism or I lost three pounds of fat but gained two pounds of muscle.

I also can understand what you are saying about not believing in the whole idea of starvation mode but I can't get behind it 100% as i do agree we are resilient but at the same time we are primal and really not that far removed in the scale of life from our primitive ancestors.

We may have to agree to disagree on this one, because to me it sounds like more excuses. It's been millenia and millenia. If we believe that our bodies are adaptable and have evolved since then, why would we claim they haven't adapted or evolved after all, just because our pattern of losing changes?

Losing weight is undoubtedly a complex process, much less predictable than a table in a spreadsheet, I won't lie. I never have the results I predict or hope for. But I know if I eat less, I lose, even if I can't predict how much. And it has nothing to do with ancient history. It has to do with whether we're getting adequate food. Are we? Almost certainly. There are extreme cases under which people are starved, but I don't think any of us [I guess I speak of people without eating disorders] are in those conditions.

But what makes me think you may be right about starvation is I had gastric bypass almost a year and a half ago. I was 366 and am now 190-184 depending on scale, time of week, etc. I went from losing thirty lbs a month, twenty, lbs etc to just 1-3 a month in the last three months.

Congratulations on your fantastic loss!

though I have severly fallen off the wagon as far as excercise! I am trying to find my mojo again and really is there mojo?

There certainly is inspiration, motivation, and dedication.

On Brad Pilon's blog I just watched a video entry that applies here. He talks about the skewed message we're getting these days—that we need to increase our exercise to match our consumption. That's pretty backward. We should reduce our consumption to the level we need, rather than trying to meet some activity quota that brings our consumption into balance. Why?

1. We can never out-exercise our consumption. We are capable of consuming hundreds or even thousands of calories in minutes. (When I was a teen I could eat a half a pizza, probably 2000 calories, in 10 minutes or so. How long does a burger and fries take? Or a heaping helping of cake and ice cream?) Exercising at maximum intensity, we burn maybe 6 calories per minute. You can see how out of whack that is, when it takes less than 60 seconds to eat a 280-calorie candy bar. It would take hours and hours of exercise to balance a single too-big meal.


2. There does exist, for every person, an amount of food that can be consumed daily that will reduce us to or maintain us at our optimal body fat level, without exercise. If eating food is the problem, then eating food should be the solution. We don't weigh more than we'd like because we exercise too little, we weigh more because we eat too much.


3. There does exist, for every person, a minimal amount of exercise that gives them the muscle appearance and mass they want. Doing more exercise beyond this minimal amount doesn't necessarily increase the amount of muscle mass, and may possibly just be a waste of time. And once that mass is established, those developed muscles won't be visible if they're still covered with fat from eating too much. (My own example of this: I have abs of steel. I can mantain my strong abdominals with just a few ab exercises every week; exercising hours and hours more doesn't make them any stronger, I'd need steroids to do anything more than I've done with them. But no one can see them, because they're buried under at least ten pounds of abdominal fat. No one would know, by looking at my body, what a strong belly I have.)

Anyway all those times my body was starved and I kept loosing I did have one plateau though and I had to increase my protein so maybe that was due to starvation mode??

I have no idea. I know when I'm eating reduced calories, a caloric number smaller than the amount I need to sustain my current weight, if I hit a plateau it breaks much faster when I eat more for a week than when I eat less for a week. I think we just need to change things up, give the body something new to process, freak it out a little. Because it isn't a simple equation, or a machine that gives us predictable results.

*shrug*

Not sure why weight loss has slowed down to the speed of naught, but I'll keep on keepin' on. Have started exercising during lunchtime since I'm not eating anyway, and that is going marvelously well. Can't believe how great it feels, actually, so I'll stick with it while it works. And hopefully the weight will at least trickle off.

Husband and I went out to dinner last Saturday evening, to my favorite restaurant. I ate exactly what I wanted to, but I was moderate with the portions. Win! We had a long, long, hours long conversation about bodies—about the pressure I feel to have a certain body because that is all that is portrayed in the media. I'd really love to have a tight, flat little tummy. Will that happen, after bearing seven? I just don't foresee it. I could possibly lose that much weight, but at what sacrifice?

And why should I feel like I must? Why do I crave it so badly?

Interestingly, we ended up thinking I needed to go looking at new clothes, some that don't fit me quite so snugly. Some of my shirts, while they look okay when I'm standing, accentuate my rolls on my abdomen most unflatteringly when I sit. What if they were a little looser, and could drape over and camouflage the rolls? We went to Eddie Bauer and tried on a few shirts and pants in a bit larger size and found some things that actually look quite nice.

So I'm feeling, actually, okay[er] about myself. Why do I need to get down to a certain weight to be cute, to dress well, to feel happy about myself?

I'll continue. I'm doing well. But I'm also okay, right now, with me. I'll see where it leads.

For Angela, who recently found my blog: welcome! I'm glad you stumbled on it. I hope to see you around a lot. I wanted to address one thing in particular that you said: "Maybe your body doesn't like you skipping lunch and thinks you are starving it." For what it's worth, I don't believe in starvation mode. (That sounds funny, like it's Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.) All the latest research I can find indicates to me that starvation mode is a lot harder to enter than we're made to believe, and that if I am, for instance, lifting weights and actively building/maintaining muscle while cutting calories (even below the 1000-calorie level) then my body realizes it isn't starvation, and just behaves as it should: expending more calories than it takes in, and losing weight. I think there is ample research on this, and I'm doing my own personal experiment on it, I suppose you could say. :) In months and months of doing 24-hour fasts, I never touched my metabolism, it continued to function perfectly. We're pretty resilient creatures.

Onward! Now, with clothes that fit better! (That's a new feature, darling.)

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Now playing: Muse - Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1
via FoxyTunes

Statistics

Start	23 Aug:	159.0
	24 Aug:	158.0
	25 Aug:	158.0
	26 Aug:	157.2
	27 Aug:	156.4
	28 Aug:	156.8
	29 Aug:	156.2
1 Week	30 Aug:	156.0
	31 Aug:	155.8
	1 Sep:	156.0
	2 Sep:	154.4
	3 Sep:	154.4
	4 Sep:	155.4
2 weeks	5 Sep:	?	camping trip!
	6 Sep:	156.0
	8 Sep:	155.8
	10 Sep:	155.0

Knock me over with a feather.

I'm at a complete loss how I could possibly be the exact same weight as last week, how I could not continue to lose at least ounces every day. I have avoided six out of seven lunches this last week. I have regulated my portions morning and night; even a huge meal of 600 calories both times would have yielded me only 1200 calories per day, still certainly an amount that should cause loss. And I believe that my meals were lower than that amount probably every time.

So how my Friday weight was upward, and today up further yet, I do not quite comprehend. Still I shall press onward, and see what happens next.

Square one.

I'd moan and thrash about having to start over yet again, but I suppose instead I should rejoice. Right? Opportunities to do things we want to, even things we've done before (sigh) keep coming around. Yay. And right now I have an opportunity to turn my eating life around.

In addition to my renewed vigor for exercise, I've changed up what I'm doing with food. I agree with Brad Pilon that a really valid way to cut out calories is just not to eat sometimes. Food is merely fuel for my body, though I cling to it desperately for a number of other reasons (joy, celebration, socializing, comforting, etc.). Here are two short posts that underline what I'm trying to say:
Food is just fuel
Food is food, it's that simple
So right now I'm fasting one meal every single day: lunch.

• My blood sugar stays a little more stable if I'm eating every day.
  
• I don't get so desperately hungry, because I know I get dinner.
  
• (This might be the best part.) My daily weight loss graph line is a lot more stable than with full 24-hour fasts.

When I was doing full-day fasts with Eat Stop Eat, on a fast day I'd lose 4+ pounds, and then on my following eating day gain back 3.8. Weighing once a week the general weight trend was downward, but it sure went up and down and everywhere daily. This way I get to see a lot gentler but more constant feedback. I'm not losing 4 pounds in one day (shucks!) but I'm not gaining back, either.

(For four whole days now, let's see how it goes in the longer run.)

Here's to new beginnings! Again!

All sorts of detours

I've been all over the map lately with diet. I tried my own slim fast diet, in which I was going to eat fresh fruits/vegs for two meals (approx 250 calories/meal), and then a "sensible dinner". That lasted about a week.

Then I was going to eat exactly 1200 calories per day. That lasted probably two days. I upped it to 1500 calories per day. That one, though easier, didn't even get off the ground; I was too busy eating everything in sight. I haven't done a serious fast in a mighty long time, longer than two months. My periodic fasts just became mind games, in which my mind tried to convince me to eat after only one missed meal, or two missed meals. My mind always won. As I was consuming an entire day of calories in that make-up meal, I kept mentally chanting, "Food isn't bad! It's not wrong to eat!"

My problem is that I want to lose weight fast. Don't we all? I was 140 pounds once. I want to weigh 130, but I want to be starting from 140, not from where I am. So I'll "hurry up" and lose the first ten, and then keep going. Or something stupid like that.

I clicked a SparkPeople.com link over on Facebook, which took me to a blog post entitled My Top 10 Weight Loss Mistakes: What are Yours? She mentioned wanting to lose the weight too fast, and it was like a lightbulb went off for me. While it's true I want to be 140 today, or tomorrow, or next week, I can't do it that way. I have to do it sensibly. The time will pass anyway; I just have to make the most of the passing time.

So I began exercising again. I'd dropped cardio (which I love) in favor of weight training (which I believe has many more benefits, but I don't enjoy it nearly so well). So when I dropped weight training because of schedule difficulties, I wasn't doing anything at all. Now I'm doing both again.

And after my failed attempts at self-slim-fast, I began researching diets again. The diets that will work for me are somewhat limited with my mostly-vegan lifestyle, but I checked out a number of them anyway. Most were gimmicks or required supplements or wanted me to eat more times a day than I can, etc.

And then I paused. I'd just finished running and was stretching, and I had a moment of quiet to just ponder me.

And I realized, the only two diets that have ever worked for me are counting calories at SparkPeople.com, and Eat Stop Eat with the periodic fasting. Both are about eating fewer calories, because I'm obviously consuming more calories than I need. There is no way to out-exercise a bad diet, when it is so easy to consume calories and so hard to burn them off. I can eat 1000 calories in 20 minutes. I can burn about 60 calories in the same amount of time if I'm running uphill (which, needless to say, I don't).

Reality checks are good, right?

I've decided to count calories again, with the fun twist of calorie-cycling. This is where my calories average out to 1500/day over a week, but individual days vary. Yesterday I got 1700 calories, which seemed like a full out indulgence day. I ate literally everything I wanted to and barely got all those calories in. (Mind you, I didn't go to P.F. Chang's. That would have made it a bit easier.) Today I get 1300 and I have to be a little more careful. But eating everything yesterday makes it easier to leave out the really fun stuff today, and I know I get another 1700 day this week.

But when I stepped on the scale Monday morning I got a bad case of sticker shock. I weighed the second most I've ever weighed in my life non-pregnant. 157 pounds. I swear, just two weeks ago I was 149? Which is still way too much, but 157?!?!

So I began my Monday with an unexpected Eat Stop Eat fast. I exercised, I drank, and I didn't eat. And wonder of wonders, I made it through beautifully. No mind games.

So now I'm doing a combination, I guess, of the only two methods (which are branches of the same thing) which have ever worked for me.

I'm happy. I've already seen a 4-pound drop on the scale, and it's just two days later. With a few higher-calorie days per week, it feels very doable. SparkPeople is my old friend.

It won't be tomorrow, but I'll see 140 again. And hopefully after that, I'll keep going to 130.

My brain is hungrier than my stomach is.

Fascinating article about how our brains sabotage our efforts to lose weight.

Not that I needed to be told; any time I've given in and ended a fast before I had planned to, any time I've gone off my calorie-calculated food plan for the day when I thought I had it under control, it was my brain talking me into it, not my stomach. My brain wants the pleasure of eating even more than my body does.

Have not had a good week with the calories, with the sugar-free, with the portion control, nor anything else; but I have managed my first real fast in weeks today. Let's hope I can turn it around and find myself some control.

Brand New

I don't know what that magical switch is that gets flipped, the one that gives me the strength mentally to say, "No REALLY, I'm going to do this." I've tried to flip the switch manually before; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But last week I noticed my clothes were getting a little tight. I weighed myself and found I was 150 again. And the switch flipped.

This is my new beginning. I know, both from experience and from research that I have twelve weeks to see what changes I can bring about. Twelve weeks, maybe a few more, before the fire dies out and I slide into maintenance mode.

I've had a great week! Tracking calories was a big success for me. I started the week at 150.something (didn't pay attention to the .something, I was having sticker shock over the 150) and this morning I was 147.0. I haven't done a fast all week. I've been so weak, so indulgent, for so many weeks now that I figured portion reduction and cutting out sugar were enough to work on for one week.

Also that thing they say? About not changing too many behaviors at once? Yes, I've borne it out: I was able to cut out sugar and track my calories and revamp my eating, but I was not able to also work in faithful workouts. Baby steps, right?

At sparkpeople.com I've set up a "streak" regarding sugar. If I can not eat sugary treats six days out of seven, I'll call that a wild success. If I can do that week after week, I'll call it an addiction broken! I've made it through week one. I've been sugar-free for six days. Tonight is a dinner in SLC for my daughter's head of school, and I suspect I'll have a bite of dessert. And I won't have to feel guilty about it, because I've already met my goal. :)

I've also realized that having my official weigh-in on Saturday morning, and knowing I have another entire week before the next Saturday morning, gives me a mental excuse to splurge all weekend with bigger portions and treats here and there. And I don't want to splurge all weekend; I want to maximize my efforts since 12 weeks is a pretty tight window. So I've moved my official weigh-in, the weight that gets recorded here, to Monday mornings. I just decided two days ago to do this, and it strikes me as a mighty fine idea. Looking forward to Monday!

“It's a fallacy that all it takes is willpower to reshape your body. If you can't learn to speak French in a month, it doesn't mean you're weak-willed; it means you've set an impossible goal. Weight loss does take effort, but as with any project, it also takes a plan. You can set yourself up for success.”

That's what I'm trying to do. Tally ho!

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Now playing: Elefant - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
via FoxyTunes

How Alyson lost her groove.

I didn't even weigh myself last Saturday; usually I wake up with a sense of anticipation, or occasionally dread ;) knowing my weigh-in is the first thing I'll do, but last week I woke up with an overwhelming sense of I-don't-care. I'd been sick for a week, too sick to fast, and I just didn't care what I weighed. I'd been trying for a couple of weeks to talk myself into caring, but it hadn't worked.

I've been thinking about "starting over" for a little bit now. I'm so happy that I'm not in the 150s anymore, that was a good beginning way back then and a good result achieved, but I act like someone at the tail end of a diet, someone who has ten more pounds to lose but just isn't feeling it anymore. My clothes all fit again; the urgency, the inspiration to continue had waned.

I read this article many months ago—a very interesting article on weight loss, if you're interested—but the part that really stuck out at me was this:

“Weight loss happens in two stages that require two different approaches. First, there's the losing stage. That's all about food restriction. There's no particular diet that seems to be more effective than another one; it has more to do with individual preference — what you can stick with long-term. The weight-loss stage lasts an average of three to six months. …After six months, if you get there, you're a success story. If you haven't lost all the weight you want to lose in that time, you're probably not going to do it. If you still have a lot of weight to lose at that point, it's best to take several months to maintain the weight you've shed, then try another six-month diet.”

I feel like this is pretty much all over the news at present, the fact that it boils down to calories in vs. calories expended, and that low fat isn't superior to low carb isn't superior to raw food only, etc. (Now, I do think that intermittent fasting fires up the body in a different way than plain old calorie restriction, I'll say that. But it is still a form of calorie restriction, which means it is a viable means of losing weight but the studies haven't given it the crown for being superior to the others.)

Anyway, I have gotten to that point. It's not new anymore in week 20 or 21, you know? It sounded great to lose 12 pounds in 10 weeks, but the same 12 pounds 8 weeks later after 20 weeks of effort starts to sound old. I'm no longer motivated by my initial starting point, and by what I've achieved thus far. My original drive has waned, and I've been coasting for quite a while now.

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Now playing: Muse - Apocalypse Please
via FoxyTunes

Sugar + Alyson = OTP*

Last Saturday the 21st I decided not to even weigh myself. It's been an insane few weeks since my father-in-law died—very busy schedule for me, lots of running around and doing; and worst of all, my husband is gone very, very long hours trying to settle the estate. I've missed him, I've stressed out, I've consoled myself with all manner of Valentine's treats. And I decided, rather than let a weigh-in make me feel bad, I'd skip it for one week.

I haven't exercised in several weeks—much of it is the same schedule problems, lots of late nights and early mornings. But I finally decided last week that my current method isn't working. I need to get up a bit earlier, a half hour or so, and exercise before the kids get up. Yes, theoretically, I can carve a half hour out of my daytime schedule. And for a few months I was great at that. But now mostly I don't. And what's more, I use, "Haven't exercised yet!" as an excuse to hang around indecently long in my pajamas or workout clothes with my hair all over the place, embarrassed to open the door if someone knocks.

So today was the day. I hopped out of bed at 5:15 and was done working out by 6:00, in time to make lunches and breakfasts and all the things I usually do in the morning. While the kids ate breakfast I showered, and by school time I was already all dressed with hair done, ready for the day. Much, much better. I'm crossing my fingers for a better week this week.

I really need to kick my sugar addiction to the curb. I love sugar, and I eat way too much of it. And then, because I've already eaten some, I eat more. And I crave it. And I don't feel full from good, healthy food until I've had something sugary as a chaser. And I can easily eat as many calories of sugar as I do of food, ack. So I'm trying to cut out refined sugars this week. I'm not cutting out fruits or breads or any of the healthy things that contain sugar-like molecules, that would be unmanageable; but I 'm trying to get the treat consumption under control so I'm not always thinking about and looking for sugary treats.

It'll be tough, I'm not going to lie. This week I'm pre-menstrual (TMI!) and my one and only symptom of PMS is that I crave sugar. Like, exclusively. Hell if I want to even eat anything else. I'm dying for a cookie right now, thank heavens I don't have any. (Ate 'em all yesterday. :-/ )

*OTP in internet lingo means one true pairing, like when you think that actually Jo March should have married Laurie instead of Professor Bhaer in Little Women then you think Jo + Laurie = OTP. Like me 'n' sugar.

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Now playing: Bow Wow Wow - I Want Candy
via FoxyTunes

Statistics

11 October 2008 was the day I was brave enough to step on the scale again, after a failed experiment in not weighing myself. My pants were getting tighter. It served as a kick in the butt, and revived my flatlining self control. The following week I did much better with portions, and with cutting out treats.

17 October I found eatstopeat.com and ravenously read all I could about it. So excited to start. (And so excited that the previous week's efforts paid off!)

8 November I'm worrying about whether the Eat Stop Eat program is actually working for me. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something wrong.

29 November I'm not worried at all. Had a fabulous Thanksgiving two days ago, best vegetarian spread *evah*. Not surprised I gained a little, it won't be permanent, I'm already well into my first post-Thanksgiving Stop. Life is for enjoying, right? I'm losing weight for my own satisfaction, but the Thanksgiving meal was also for my own satisfaction and happiness. So I'm wildly contented. :)

6 December: Ten pounds! But it isn't "real". I weighed myself first thing in the morning after 36 hours of fasting, so a lot of it is water weight. I had a crazy food week and if I hadn't been fasting I'd have been contented with just hanging on to last week's 149!

17 January: The number is going in the wrong direction, and I absolutely know why. I'm eat eat eating instead of eat stop eating. :-/

Start	11 Oct:	156.4
1 week	18 Oct:	154.0
2 weeks	22 Oct:	152.0
3 weeks	25 Oct:	150.2
4 weeks	1 Nov:	150.6
5 weeks	8 Nov:	150.6
6 weeks	15 Nov:	148.6
7 weeks	22 Nov:	147.0
8 weeks	29 Nov:	149.6
9 weeks	6 Dec:	146.4
10 weeks	13 Dec:	144.4
11 weeks	20 Dec:	144.2
12 weeks	27 Dec:	away on vacation :)
13 weeks	3 Jan:	146.8
14 weeks	10 Jan:	away visiting family
15 weeks	17 Jan:	147.4
16 weeks	24 Jan:	143.8
17 weeks	31 Jan:	145.4
18 weeks	7 Feb:	143.6
19 weeks	14 Feb:	143.4
20 weeks	21 Feb:	pass

Why not be happy?

Two weeks ago: 143.8

Last week: 145.4
Not a surprise. Death in the family, almost no sleep, lots of emotional eating though I kept up my scheduled fasts.

This week: 143.4
Had a great week. Have been really struggling to catch up on sleep still, but all in all I'm very happy and upbeat. It's funny, when I did this weight loss thing in preparation for my 20-year high school reunion in 2007, I was contented with 140. Mentally I wanted to get to 130, but my effort slowed down with my complacency. I did have a single weigh in back then of 139.6 or something, but I never pushed the envelope. No such mental barrier this time; I'm definitely in the mindset of someone who wants to get to 130. But it's nice to have all my 140 pound clothes fit well again! :)

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Now playing: Radiohead - Reckoner
via FoxyTunes (am totally on a Radiohead kick right now)