In praise of EET

The story so far:

1. Once upon a time, I birthed my seventh baby a year and a half before my 20-year high school reunion. Knowing how long it can take to lose baby weight, I started right in on the efforts. Mainly used calorie counting at sparkpeople.com. Benefitted from breastfeeding: was able to eat plenty of food every day and still create a calorie deficit. Succeeded. Weighed my pre-seven-babies weight six months before that reunion. Maintained it for well over a year. (See all posts having to do with my experiences with sparkpeople.com here.)

2. Gained a little weight. Counting calories didn't work quite as well for me when I didn't have those extra breastfeeding calories. Tried a different method, Eat Stop Eat with periodic fasts. The first few fasts were difficult, but once my body was used to going without food for a period, I didn't even feel hunger pangs on fasting days. Could lose up to 4 pounds in a single fast, but once I resumed eating I'd have two-and-a-half or so of those back. Was maintainable because I could eat the foods I loved, in portions. Lost 2 or a little more pounds a week. Got back to pre-seven-babies weight. Maintained it for probably 4-5 months. (See all posts having to do with my experiences with Eat Stop Eat here, and there are a lot since this blog was started to chronicle my progress through it.)

3. Hub got laid off. Stress. Gained a little weight, then more. Tried fasting, but the emotions and stress were too high so my fasts were shorter and my eats were bigger. Didn't really lose.

4. Didn't want to count calories or fast; didn't see any real results when I was counting calories or fasting. Nearly a year had passed, hub's work was steady, stress was much lower. Tried something new: EET, which is all about the timing of meals. I did have limited success, even though I insisted that the program conform to me rather than me conforming to the program. I absolutely insisted that I must be able to eat the same foods that I made for the family for dinner in the evenings. Wanted to be an example for those beautiful seven children. Mr. EET Jon Pearlstone worked with me, trying to tweak the plan, and we did see slow and small progress. I never reached my goal weight because I had to drop out when finances became tight. (See one more post on my prior EET experience here.)

5. Floundered on my own, trying parts and entireties of everything I'd done before. Lost a little, gained. Gained a bit more, lost a little. Worked out faithfully for a bit, took a while off. Ended up, nine months after dropping out of EET, at my highest adult weight ever, exactly equivalent to my full-term pregnant weight.

6. Beloved sister began losing weight. Fast. Taking names and kicking it to the curb. And I thought, I have to do this now, so that I can get small while she gets small. Pride wouldn't let me be the bigger sister. So I started exercising, eating less carbs. Cut out virtually all sugar, thanks to a challenge from a friend who had begun the Paleo diet. (See my prior struggles with sugar here.) Ate very healthy meals, lots of veggies and protein for breakfast and lunch, family meal for dinner, fasting 2 meals 2-3 times per week. I was dropping a pound a week or so. Sister was losing 4-5/week. Lost about 12 pounds of the 30 I wanted to lose. After months of watching sister and Paleo diet friend shed pounds very quickly while I went slow as a snail, I decided: there is something about this eating dinner with my family that isn't working. Something about my carb intake that isn't working. I borrowed my sister's book, The 17-Day Diet.

(Thanks for sticking with me! We're almost to present day!)

7. Began the first 17 days of very low (for me) carb diet. Did I lose weight? Yes. Multiple pounds per week, which felt like a miracle because my loss had been so slow and full of stalls and tiny fractional regains. Also, I was hungry all the time—hungrier by far than when I fasted and ate nothing. (True story.) I lost all energy in the afternoon—after about 2 p.m. I was all wrung out and exhausted and had nothing left to give, and even food didn't recharge me. Cooking dinner for the fam felt like a monumental energy expenditure. In the first 10 days I lost another 6 pounds, though, so the loss made the low energy and the hollowed-out hunger doable. But then I ran out of steam. I had to add in some carbs.

The first two days of eating carbs were like a free-for-all. I was just downing everything I could get my hands on. Of course the number on the scale crept up a couple of pounds, both from actual intake of too many calories and from retained water. I went back to the very low carbs for another 5 or so days. Then I realized several things:

• I was not eating what my family ate for dinner, and the kids were surviving. Most often they didn't even notice what I had on my plate.
• Not eating carbs at night was working, in terms of losing weight.
• Not eating carbs ever was NOT working for me, and would not be sustainable in the long term. Or even really in the short term—it took all my willpower and a few cheat days to get through the first 17-day cycle.
• All my objections to the EET program had been done away with. I could, in fact, eat something different than the fam at night. I could, in fact, eat very low carbs at some meals. If I could eat carbs for lunch and maintain my energy through the day and still lose, I could do EET. Long-term.

So for my second 17-day cycle, I decided to skip right over the info in the book and try EET again.

And you know what?

MIRACLE.

I have energy now, all day long.

I am not hollowly hungry, ever. One step further, I am satisfied! Because I am eating the foods that I love at lunchtime. I no longer look at food and think, "Looks delicious. Can't ever have it."

If something crosses my path that I shouldn't eat, I can resist it fairly easily. Because I can eat it tomorrow at lunchtime. No deprivation, just timing.

I am literally just three days into this. This isn't my final check-in or anything. But this morning I had my lowest weigh-in since item #2 up there, and that's after having eating literally the most calorie-laden food I cook for lunch yesterday.

Suddenly eating is fun again. And whereas my upcoming anniversary weekend (married 20 years on Monday 11 June! yeah!) was going to be a drag without any of the foods I loved, now I look forward to having a couple of special meals.

Will report back on how it goes.

I made it through!

First fast (in the current series) behind me! Breakfast this morning was scrumptious. Food always tastes better after I've fasted. And I tell you what, when I'm skipping up to six meals per week, I'm always certain that the ones I eat are good and worth the calories.

Always on square one

...is better than never starting at all?

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I say, “I look all right. I look okay. For a woman who has had seven children, I’m not bad at all.” I am pretty average.
Other times, I remember when I weighed 140 right around the time of my high school reunion, I look at those pictures, and I’m not nearly so contented with my current state.

Sometimes it’s so easy for me to adhere to smaller portions, to counting and reducing calories, to periodic fasting.
Other times, I get a twinge of hunger and my brain starts to shout YOU’RE REALLY HUNGRY! EAT! FOOD ISN’T BAD! and I think, that’s true, food isn’t bad. And I eat. And I’m usually pretty empty from fasting or eating tiny portions so I eat a lot.

Sometimes I get a little jealous about all those women in Hollywood who have a lot of money and can just plastic surgery their way through the 25 pounds I want to lose.
Other times, I get a little angry that I feel like I want to look like them at all, that I’ve bought into the arbitrary and unrealistic body standard they portray.

Sometimes I’m so glad I bought a Spanx body shaper, and figured out how to modify it so it worked for me. It goes from right beneath my bra to my mid-thigh, and it does wonders! But it didn't stay up very well. So I sewed on thick elastic straps, and now it’s perfect.
Other times, I wish I’d had this Spanx body shaper at 140 pounds, for my reunion. I only had a tiny bit of tummy then. Holy cow, I bet I would have looked great.

Sometimes I am beyond faithful with exercise—pushing myself to improve, not content with doing as much as I did yesterday. Sometimes I focus on cardio (jogging and walking), sometimes on strength training. For the last four months of the school year and hectic kid schedules I thought, “I can’t wait for summer I can’t wait for summer I can exercise every day!”
Other times, I wonder what the point is. Or I want sleep more than I want exercise. After more than a month building up to a really good speed and distance, for the last three weeks I haven’t exercised at all. This morning I got dressed for it, but here I am writing instead. And I’d sort of like to go back to bed.

---

Last night I decided I’d give a 24-hour fast a shot. Eat Stop Eat has worked for me before, and I know it can work again, if I can get around my sabotaging brain. If I can just train my brain to remember that food is merely fuel for my body, and that I’m not the meanest thing ever for not eating. If I can push past the few early first fasts, that are filled with hunger pangs, and get to those later fasts where skipping food is no big deal.

So I didn’t eat dinner, and made it just fine. This morning my stomach is protesting, and once again I didn’t exercise. So many excuses. But even if I don’t do everything, I can do something. Fingers crossed I can be strong.

----------------
Now playing: Muse - Resistance

Keeping on

I think all is going pretty well.

The plan: to fast breakfast and lunch three days a week (six meals, that's the same as fasting two 24-hour periods, right?). Physiologically it might not be quite the same, since different hormones are secreted with longer fasts; but in terms of calorie-reduction I think it works out the same. And it has the benefit of allowing me to eat dinner with my family every night. Fasting dinners was somewhat difficult to explain to my children.

Fasted two yesterday, eating today, fasting two tomorrow. Exercising. Hoping for good things. Not weighing until Sunday, because I don't want to go "WHAT?!" and have it sabotage me.

New goal: to be able to run 1.5 miles without any walking. Did a mile yesterday, so excited about that. Trying to build.

Finding my limits

So I fasted two meals Sunday (total calories ~500) and walked about a bit, expending more than sedentary would.

I fasted two meals Monday (total calories a bit less than 500) and exercised about double what I usually would. My energy level, despite the previous and current day's fast, was fantastic yesterday.

I was going to eat only fruit leading up to my evening meal today, as a sort of cleanse. Tried to exercise, but could only do about 30 minutes of cardio and really pooped out during strength training. And I got light-headed around 3:00 and decided I needed to eat a meal.

Lesson learned: Just barely over 1000 calories is not enough nutrition to sustain me into the third day.

Lesson number two: I lost a total of about four pounds in two days. That's a good beginning. Am weakish right now, and looking forward to a good, filling dinner.

Oddly, am not struggling with hunger pangs or cravings. No sugar three days now, though the cupboard is full of it. *shrug* I never know why things go well, I'm just glad they do.

So I guess I feel like writing

Weighed myself Sunday morning, the result being the most I have ever weighed non-pregnant: 167 pounds. This exceeds my previous highest high by four pounds.

Yesterday I fasted two meals, with nary a problem. Took a long walk with the kids after church.

This morning's weigh in: 165.6. Today I also fasted two meals, no problem. Did more than an hour of cardio, plus upper body weight training.

So excited for summer, when I get a little more time to myself. I can't maybe keep up that much exercise, but I can be more consistent.

Hopefully, hopefully this is the beginning of something long term and subtractive. I feel amazingly good this evening, really full of energy though I've had less than 1000 calories in 48 hours.

Wish I could predict. Would love to get back down to 140; 130 feels like a pipe dream at this point.

It's always a roller coaster, isn't it?

• I'm at my highest non-pregnant weight. I've been here once before, and my body likes this weight. Loves it, maybe. I'm very stable here, I can eat a lot and not gain; but I can also eat a little, and not lose.
  
  
• I have, therefore, 20 pounds to lose, to get to a good weight for me. My deepest desire would be 30 pounds, but I've never accomplished that weight, ever, for all my trying.
  
  
• I've been exercising faithfully for about six weeks now, after a fairly long hiatus. My aerobic capacity is slowly increasing, and my strength is increasing as well. Just bought a few new strength training DVDs to help me mix stuff up a little.
  
  
• Have been doing quite well in recent weeks on portion control, and eating less.
  
  
• Made the mistake last week of weighing myself to see if all this exercise and careful eating has had any effect. I haven't budged so much as an ounce after more than a month of effort.
  
  
• So Friday and Saturday I ate pretty much everything in sight, indulged in all my favorites. Delicious!
  
  
• And then I realized what I was doing. Same old thing; if I don't see the results I think I should, I don't have the willpower to keep going. I inhale the baby, the bathwater, and everything else edible; since eating less didn't work, why not eat all I want?
  
  
• So I'm back in the saddle more or less, and I'm not going to weigh myself. Because it's all a mind game. I want to eat well and exercise no matter what the results, and I don't want to lose control if there's no obvious difference on the scale.
  
  
• Back when I started Eat Stop Eat and I didn't see results as quickly as I wanted, I determined that a 24-hour fast (say, from 6pm Mon - 6pm Tue) wasn't working for me. I was basically only fasting two meals because I'd begin my fast after eating lunch one day and end it before eating lunch the next. Wasn't working. So I started fasting calendar days instead, e.g. fasting all three meals on Tuesday.
  
  
• The that ceased to work for me. Fasting became almost as much of a mind game as weighing was—me negotiating mentally with myself, or breaking down after two fasted meals and saying, "But food isn't bad!" while I consumed an entire day's calories.
  
  
• I don't know why it took me so long—more than a year!—to remember the original form of Eat Stop Eat, but I decided yesterday after lunch to try again. So I fasted last night's dinner, this morning's breakfast, and today's lunch. Three meals. It was easy! I didn't even actually get hungry, though I wanted food.
  
  
• The best part was, as Brad Pilon says, I got to eat on each day. I knew I could start yesterday because I'd already had two meals I really enjoyed; I knew I could make it through today because I could look forward to a delicious dinner. So perhaps, perhaps, I'm back in ESE business. We'll see.
  
  
• Husband can't do Eat Stop Eat well at all, he gets migraine-level headaches when he fasts. He kept trying, did like 20 fasts with this debilitating head pain. (Going without food isn't an issue at all, in fact he finds it a relief not to have to think about meals. If only he could see through the blinding head pain.) Finally I told him that I certainly wouldn't do something that made me suffer so terribly, if it was only one of many options to accomplish a weight loss goal.

----------------
Now playing: Muse - Easily

Excellent articles

http://blog.nutritiondata.com/ndblog/2010/01/snacks-now-account-for-a-quarter-of-daily-calories.html

This is a fantastic article about how we should be eating, and the two articles linked within it are even better. For ease:

Eating frequently does not rev your metabolism: http://nutritiondiva.quickanddirtytips.com/metabolism-myths.aspx

Go longer between meals: http://nutritiondiva.quickanddirtytips.com/eating-frequently.aspx

----------------
Now playing: OK Go - This Too Shall Pass

Would that my electronic life were easily portable!

This weight loss blog has been around since 18 October 2008, but my efforts have been going on a much longer time than that. Over on my LiveJournal (which is my main blog, and not publicly accessible because I protect many of my entries) I've been talking about weight loss for a very long time. Two of my seven babies were born while I have been blogging, so naturally there's some weight loss discussion there. I had a 20-year high school reunion. And I had, just the regular maintenance and mini-battles with the three pounds I kept gaining and losing.

In fact if you read my LJ, you might see how much I fixated on a certain number, how my spirits fell if I didn't lose after a week of being good, how I struggled, how I succeeded. There are three things that really made me lose weight: Eat Stop Eat with the periodic fasting, counting calories at SparkPeople.com, and food combining.

I haven't talked about food combining at all in this blog, because it's a thing of my past. When I had just barely birthed baby #7 and was looking to drop that weight, I was really cautious about how I went about it. I wanted to be sure that I fed him properly and gave him all the nutrition he needed, without giving myself too much nutrition. I'd fallen into that trap before, eating too much and gaining weight in the name of feeding the baby.

So I downloaded an e-book called Breastfeed Your Way Thin which turned out to be one of the best things I'd ever done. It was a sensible plan anyone on any diet (even a vegan, like I was at the time) could follow, because it's all about food combining—eating foods in certain combinations.

That's the flash back. Here's the present day.

I've been half-heartedly counting calories for a few weeks now, and trying a little bit to fast now and then. Neither has been terribly effective because I kind of jump ship and eat without recording or break my fast. But what has been effective, is that I'm in my third week of consistent strength training. It's just a tiny little routine, Mondays and Thursdays I work arms, Tuesdays and Fridays legs/butt, and Wednesdays abs. But the consistency is what's important.

For two full weeks and M-W of this week I struggled with energy levels. I just could hardly make it through half of a decent workout before I was exhausted. Gradually my muscles have been less sore after workouts, but always I lifted or squatted or whatever to the point of shaky and fatigue.

(The good news is, this morning I was finally able to finish the entire arms workout. Here's hoping I get the same thing tomorrow with the legs/butt!)

Anyway, energy has been a huge struggle for me. I'm tired because I'm getting up a lot earlier to exercise, and I'm exhausted and fatigued after strength training.

And this morning, I remembered an entry I'd made years ago when I was faithfully following Breastfeed Your Way Thin and combining my foods. This is from January 24, 2006—almost exactly four years ago today. Hmm, interesting.

From Breastfeed Your Way Thin by Shannon Crawford, regarding food combining:

"One thing I do know from direct experience is that many of us have a tendency to rely on food for emotional support: we eat to feel better. Before I came upon food combining, this was a recurring theme for me. I would feel bad, eat junk food to distraction, then feel bad about that and repeat the cycle. But when I started my program, within a few days my moods had improved significantly. I really couldn't believe how much happier I felt.

"Many people who have adopted food combining have stated that they feel much happier with life, they experience less stress, and feel better overall. I am not clear as to why we experience this, but it might have something to do with the increased energy we feel. Or perhaps with better nutrition and health our hormones are better regulated, resulting in improved, more stable moods. Regardless, the direct result of this is very clear; when we feel better, we turn less to food and more to life."

I had noticed over the last, say, half a week or perhaps more, that I was having a startling lack of food cravings and temptations. All I've been wanting is my healthy food, and I haven't been foraging through the treat cupboard for leftover Christmas candy or anything. I haven't heard the doughnuts calling me from inside the convenience store when I go to gas up the car. And then I thought, "Not only am I not having cravings, my mood is incredibly stable." And then I thought, "Hmm, and my energy level is good, too."

And then I reread this part in the book yesterday. Can I blame it all on food combining? I don't know, but I do feel remarkably peaceful and content, even though I'm eating slightly smaller portions and making an effort to avoid treats.

In fact, that was more positive things than I remembered, I was just thinking about the energy levels. It knocks out cravings too?

So I was thinking about this this morning, and decided to go for it. I'll brush up on my food combining this morning—it's been years, after all—and I'll see if I can get that boost in energy, mood, and the ability to withstand cravings that I need right now. Just had a huge glass of fruit smoothie for breakfast. I can eat a couple of pieces of toast between breakfast and lunch. Crossing my fingers.

Lookee! There's an entire world beyond the end of my nose.

Do you ever get tired of obsessing? Of fixating? Of having something be more important than almost everything else, all out of proportion.

I am.

I have no idea what I weigh. Haven't weighed myself in months.

And miracle of miracles, I like how I look, even though I'm guessing I'm 20 pounds more than my best weight (where I wasn't quite satisfied with how I looked). I accept the truth of me.

I got tired of thinking of how much I weigh.
I got tired of fixating on a number. "I could be happy, if only..."
I got tired of feeling guilt about eating.
I got tired of feeing out of control.
I got tired of looking at the clock and the portions and trying to fit everything together like a puzzle instead of a meal.

Food is fuel. No more, no less.

Shout-out to Angela

Having a conversation with Angela, who commented on my last post.

First could you explain a bit more when you mean you didn't touch your metabolism? As in you never felt a change etc?

I mean that it functioned the same before, during, and afterward. I didn't cause it damage, I didn't slow it down or speed it up. People are so afraid of "ruining" their metabolisms and entering starvation mode. I don't believe it. I believe they're not experiencing the quick loss they want, so they make up other excuses for it like starvation mode or slow metabolism or I lost three pounds of fat but gained two pounds of muscle.

I also can understand what you are saying about not believing in the whole idea of starvation mode but I can't get behind it 100% as i do agree we are resilient but at the same time we are primal and really not that far removed in the scale of life from our primitive ancestors.

We may have to agree to disagree on this one, because to me it sounds like more excuses. It's been millenia and millenia. If we believe that our bodies are adaptable and have evolved since then, why would we claim they haven't adapted or evolved after all, just because our pattern of losing changes?

Losing weight is undoubtedly a complex process, much less predictable than a table in a spreadsheet, I won't lie. I never have the results I predict or hope for. But I know if I eat less, I lose, even if I can't predict how much. And it has nothing to do with ancient history. It has to do with whether we're getting adequate food. Are we? Almost certainly. There are extreme cases under which people are starved, but I don't think any of us [I guess I speak of people without eating disorders] are in those conditions.

But what makes me think you may be right about starvation is I had gastric bypass almost a year and a half ago. I was 366 and am now 190-184 depending on scale, time of week, etc. I went from losing thirty lbs a month, twenty, lbs etc to just 1-3 a month in the last three months.

Congratulations on your fantastic loss!

though I have severly fallen off the wagon as far as excercise! I am trying to find my mojo again and really is there mojo?

There certainly is inspiration, motivation, and dedication.

On Brad Pilon's blog I just watched a video entry that applies here. He talks about the skewed message we're getting these days—that we need to increase our exercise to match our consumption. That's pretty backward. We should reduce our consumption to the level we need, rather than trying to meet some activity quota that brings our consumption into balance. Why?

1. We can never out-exercise our consumption. We are capable of consuming hundreds or even thousands of calories in minutes. (When I was a teen I could eat a half a pizza, probably 2000 calories, in 10 minutes or so. How long does a burger and fries take? Or a heaping helping of cake and ice cream?) Exercising at maximum intensity, we burn maybe 6 calories per minute. You can see how out of whack that is, when it takes less than 60 seconds to eat a 280-calorie candy bar. It would take hours and hours of exercise to balance a single too-big meal.


2. There does exist, for every person, an amount of food that can be consumed daily that will reduce us to or maintain us at our optimal body fat level, without exercise. If eating food is the problem, then eating food should be the solution. We don't weigh more than we'd like because we exercise too little, we weigh more because we eat too much.


3. There does exist, for every person, a minimal amount of exercise that gives them the muscle appearance and mass they want. Doing more exercise beyond this minimal amount doesn't necessarily increase the amount of muscle mass, and may possibly just be a waste of time. And once that mass is established, those developed muscles won't be visible if they're still covered with fat from eating too much. (My own example of this: I have abs of steel. I can mantain my strong abdominals with just a few ab exercises every week; exercising hours and hours more doesn't make them any stronger, I'd need steroids to do anything more than I've done with them. But no one can see them, because they're buried under at least ten pounds of abdominal fat. No one would know, by looking at my body, what a strong belly I have.)

Anyway all those times my body was starved and I kept loosing I did have one plateau though and I had to increase my protein so maybe that was due to starvation mode??

I have no idea. I know when I'm eating reduced calories, a caloric number smaller than the amount I need to sustain my current weight, if I hit a plateau it breaks much faster when I eat more for a week than when I eat less for a week. I think we just need to change things up, give the body something new to process, freak it out a little. Because it isn't a simple equation, or a machine that gives us predictable results.

All sorts of detours

I've been all over the map lately with diet. I tried my own slim fast diet, in which I was going to eat fresh fruits/vegs for two meals (approx 250 calories/meal), and then a "sensible dinner". That lasted about a week.

Then I was going to eat exactly 1200 calories per day. That lasted probably two days. I upped it to 1500 calories per day. That one, though easier, didn't even get off the ground; I was too busy eating everything in sight. I haven't done a serious fast in a mighty long time, longer than two months. My periodic fasts just became mind games, in which my mind tried to convince me to eat after only one missed meal, or two missed meals. My mind always won. As I was consuming an entire day of calories in that make-up meal, I kept mentally chanting, "Food isn't bad! It's not wrong to eat!"

My problem is that I want to lose weight fast. Don't we all? I was 140 pounds once. I want to weigh 130, but I want to be starting from 140, not from where I am. So I'll "hurry up" and lose the first ten, and then keep going. Or something stupid like that.

I clicked a SparkPeople.com link over on Facebook, which took me to a blog post entitled My Top 10 Weight Loss Mistakes: What are Yours? She mentioned wanting to lose the weight too fast, and it was like a lightbulb went off for me. While it's true I want to be 140 today, or tomorrow, or next week, I can't do it that way. I have to do it sensibly. The time will pass anyway; I just have to make the most of the passing time.

So I began exercising again. I'd dropped cardio (which I love) in favor of weight training (which I believe has many more benefits, but I don't enjoy it nearly so well). So when I dropped weight training because of schedule difficulties, I wasn't doing anything at all. Now I'm doing both again.

And after my failed attempts at self-slim-fast, I began researching diets again. The diets that will work for me are somewhat limited with my mostly-vegan lifestyle, but I checked out a number of them anyway. Most were gimmicks or required supplements or wanted me to eat more times a day than I can, etc.

And then I paused. I'd just finished running and was stretching, and I had a moment of quiet to just ponder me.

And I realized, the only two diets that have ever worked for me are counting calories at SparkPeople.com, and Eat Stop Eat with the periodic fasting. Both are about eating fewer calories, because I'm obviously consuming more calories than I need. There is no way to out-exercise a bad diet, when it is so easy to consume calories and so hard to burn them off. I can eat 1000 calories in 20 minutes. I can burn about 60 calories in the same amount of time if I'm running uphill (which, needless to say, I don't).

Reality checks are good, right?

I've decided to count calories again, with the fun twist of calorie-cycling. This is where my calories average out to 1500/day over a week, but individual days vary. Yesterday I got 1700 calories, which seemed like a full out indulgence day. I ate literally everything I wanted to and barely got all those calories in. (Mind you, I didn't go to P.F. Chang's. That would have made it a bit easier.) Today I get 1300 and I have to be a little more careful. But eating everything yesterday makes it easier to leave out the really fun stuff today, and I know I get another 1700 day this week.

But when I stepped on the scale Monday morning I got a bad case of sticker shock. I weighed the second most I've ever weighed in my life non-pregnant. 157 pounds. I swear, just two weeks ago I was 149? Which is still way too much, but 157?!?!

So I began my Monday with an unexpected Eat Stop Eat fast. I exercised, I drank, and I didn't eat. And wonder of wonders, I made it through beautifully. No mind games.

So now I'm doing a combination, I guess, of the only two methods (which are branches of the same thing) which have ever worked for me.

I'm happy. I've already seen a 4-pound drop on the scale, and it's just two days later. With a few higher-calorie days per week, it feels very doable. SparkPeople is my old friend.

It won't be tomorrow, but I'll see 140 again. And hopefully after that, I'll keep going to 130.

My brain is hungrier than my stomach is.

Fascinating article about how our brains sabotage our efforts to lose weight.

Not that I needed to be told; any time I've given in and ended a fast before I had planned to, any time I've gone off my calorie-calculated food plan for the day when I thought I had it under control, it was my brain talking me into it, not my stomach. My brain wants the pleasure of eating even more than my body does.

Have not had a good week with the calories, with the sugar-free, with the portion control, nor anything else; but I have managed my first real fast in weeks today. Let's hope I can turn it around and find myself some control.

Had to cut back portions...

...in order to tone down my appetite. I was just starving all the time, but a few days of tracking calories/intake at sparkpeople.com (and trying to cut back) has brought it back within manageable levels. It's 12:30. I'm not intentionally fasting today, I just thought I'd go without eating until I got hungry. I'm still not hungry.

Also: 4.5 days without sugar, and surviving. :)

How Alyson lost her groove.

I didn't even weigh myself last Saturday; usually I wake up with a sense of anticipation, or occasionally dread ;) knowing my weigh-in is the first thing I'll do, but last week I woke up with an overwhelming sense of I-don't-care. I'd been sick for a week, too sick to fast, and I just didn't care what I weighed. I'd been trying for a couple of weeks to talk myself into caring, but it hadn't worked.

I've been thinking about "starting over" for a little bit now. I'm so happy that I'm not in the 150s anymore, that was a good beginning way back then and a good result achieved, but I act like someone at the tail end of a diet, someone who has ten more pounds to lose but just isn't feeling it anymore. My clothes all fit again; the urgency, the inspiration to continue had waned.

I read this article many months ago—a very interesting article on weight loss, if you're interested—but the part that really stuck out at me was this:

“Weight loss happens in two stages that require two different approaches. First, there's the losing stage. That's all about food restriction. There's no particular diet that seems to be more effective than another one; it has more to do with individual preference — what you can stick with long-term. The weight-loss stage lasts an average of three to six months. …After six months, if you get there, you're a success story. If you haven't lost all the weight you want to lose in that time, you're probably not going to do it. If you still have a lot of weight to lose at that point, it's best to take several months to maintain the weight you've shed, then try another six-month diet.”

I feel like this is pretty much all over the news at present, the fact that it boils down to calories in vs. calories expended, and that low fat isn't superior to low carb isn't superior to raw food only, etc. (Now, I do think that intermittent fasting fires up the body in a different way than plain old calorie restriction, I'll say that. But it is still a form of calorie restriction, which means it is a viable means of losing weight but the studies haven't given it the crown for being superior to the others.)

Anyway, I have gotten to that point. It's not new anymore in week 20 or 21, you know? It sounded great to lose 12 pounds in 10 weeks, but the same 12 pounds 8 weeks later after 20 weeks of effort starts to sound old. I'm no longer motivated by my initial starting point, and by what I've achieved thus far. My original drive has waned, and I've been coasting for quite a while now.

----------------
Now playing: Muse - Apocalypse Please
via FoxyTunes

But I like food! I *want* to eat!

I suppose I've had a hard time since our Christmas road trip getting back into the swing of things. I don't know why; why is it that sometimes I lack the personal strength and motivation to do what I really want? Because I do want to lose weight. But instead of fasting twice a week and exercising as often as I needed to, I made excuses not to exercise in the morning ("I'll do it a bit later!" which I never do) and I wimped out on my fasts.

I think I may have rediscovered my motivation this morning though. My weigh in: 147.4.

I think it isn't the Christmas eating that derails me. (And maybe I'm not alone in this?) It isn't the indulgences at Christmas parties or on Christmas day, it's all the other stuff that I rationalize because of the indulgences at parties and on Christmas day. "Well I ate chocolate then, another few pieces now won't kill me. I didn't gain that much then, I probably won't gain that much now." I didn't mind the little bit of weight gain from Christmas. But I'm not nearly so sanguine about the fact that I'm still slowly increasing now, three weeks after Christmas.

Back in the saddle—giddyup!

Christmas was fantastic, vacation was fantastic, New Years was fantastic.

Ate like it was a contest and I had to win. :-/ So much delicious food! And I have just about no resistance to yummy Christmas treats. Am having the hardest time with chocolate minty cookies and Almond Roca.

And so it was with trepidation and fear that I stepped on the scale this morning, and with great satisfaction that I noted I'd only gained two-point-something pounds. That's survivable. In fact, I'm proud of my body for handling the onslaught of calories and sugar that well.

Just before Christmas I was having difficulty staying warm, maintaining my own body temperature. I just was chilly all the time. I live in a drafty, old 115-year-old house so that is definitely part of the problem, but I also wondered if it was metabolic. Though I'll add I wasn't worried (as I would have been before Eat Stop Eat) that I'd "destroyed my metabolism" or ruined my capability to burn fat or anything like that; I just figured that it was a natural effect of a cycle of intermittent fasting.

Then once we got to our Christmas vacation destination and I ate meals daily and treats here and there, my body cranked up like a furnace. I was warm enough by the end of day one and too warm by day three, with no adjustment of ambient cabin temperature. I don't know what it all means, but I found it interesting. The heat generation and ability to maintain my own warmth has continued since coming home.

But I have had the hardest time getting back into the swing of fasting. There is still so much good food around, and I want it. I've settled this week for adopting a pattern of abbreviated fasts (two meals) here and there and smaller portions at meals, coupled with eating some Christmas treats. I hasn't made me lose weight, but as I said I'm happy with only a 2+ pound gain.

And today is a new day, a new week, a new year. Today I can look at that box of treats and not be desperate, because I've had my fill. I haven't denied myself anything, and all that is in there is more of the same. Today I do a real 24-hour fast again. I've already done my strength training. Today I find my strength to do what I really want to do. :)

----------------
Now playing: Sia - Soon We'll Be Found
via FoxyTunes

Ringing out the old

I've discovered that shoveling lots of heavy snow is the best upper back workout I've ever done, and mighty effective for shoulders too. Yesterday my husband came home from work and hugged me, and everything was sore. I hadn't realized it until he began rubbing. A masseuse would really be appreciated right now—as if a rural-dwelling stay at home mother of seven could just toodle off for a massage!

Our family had a fun Christmas adventure last week. We packed up the Suburban and tow-along trailer with everything necessary for nine people for Christmas, and ventured 850 miles to a family cabin near the Canadian border. We had a fantastic time, it was a unique Christmas experience for us but certainly enjoyable and memorable. I fasted the day we drove up there (thereby missing all those greasy road trip foods, nice!) and the first day of our drive back, and it wasn't too bad at all.

But I did miss last week's weigh in. And though I wanted to, I was unable to fast yesterday. I was ravenously, insatiably hungry. And you wouldn't believe the huge box of sugary treats I have in the kitchen! *kicks leftover Christmas goodies* I'm so not good with resisting sugar.

Today is the last day of 2008. It has been a good year, has flown by so quickly; I'm amazed it's gone. But so many wonderful things have happened for me, and for my family. And I go into 2009 with hope and happiness, thanks to Eat Stop Eat. I began my "New Year's Resolution" months early, and I've already lost more than ten pounds. I've found lots of new ways to build strength (including snow shoveling :D ) and I will achieve my goals this year. And it won't take me all of 2009 to do it, either.

Thank you, 2008. You've been good to me.

----------------
Now playing: Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
via FoxyTunes

Eat Woot Eat!

I said in this post that particular fast felt "a bit like a pivot point—like this is the moment where I decide, 'I can do this, even if I don't always want to.'"

I've pivoted. I get it. I'm finally making it work for me. My fasts are now longer than 24 hours; I eat my last at dinner one evening, fast through the next day, and eat breakfast the following morning. Three meals, about 36 hours. Lots of water. The change is like night and day; the fasts are manageable, I don't bargain with myself that I can eat this much earlier or go this much longer, it just is what it is. And it's having an effect. Oh, yes, it's having an effect, which I'll document after my Saturday morning weigh in.

I said in this post that I can't eat "whatever I want" on non-fast days and still have success. But now I get it. I can! I can eat whatever I want. I just have to eat less of it. Monday was an eating day, and I had a little bit of chocolate, a little cup of Silk Nog (non-dairy soy nog), a bit of candy cane, a couple of pretzels; my meals were controlled portions of all of my favorite foods—curry rice, avocados... The trick was that my daily intake was still overwhelmingly made of whole, healthy foods, and I stayed in control with the little bits of other things. I don't have to go through the Christmas season without Silk Nog or christmas cookies; I can eat whatever I want, as long as I don't go nuts. (Why didn't I see that before?) And fasting really boosts the willpower: if I can go without everything but water, I can certainly limit myself to one small candy cane or one square of chocolate.

Anyway—very optimistic today. It's working, people. Don't be afraid to try Eat Stop Eat, and to try different variations of it, until you make it work for you.

----------------
Now playing: Josh Groban & Mormon Tabernacle Choir - O Come All Ye Faithful
via FoxyTunes

Brad Pilon is brilliant

Alright, I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love food. I don't particularly like being hungry, and I'd much rather eat food (yum!) than fast. Sometimes my fasts are easy, and I hardly think about food or feel a pang. I think this would be the norm if I were outside the house or could avoid the kitchen during the day. But some fasting days I struggle more than others, because I am here all the time, home raising and schooling my children, and whether I'm fasting or not I'm preparing three meals every day.

• Thanksgiving dinner, made of yum and awesome.
  
• Five lovely meals of Thanksgiving leftovers, including desserts.
  
• My favorite dinner at P.F. Chang's Saturday after Christmas shopping.
  
• Party at church with a fantastic meal, Christmasy desserts (cookies, oh noes!), and hand-dipped chocolates.
  
• My 5YO daughter's birthday cake.

All of that in six days, people.

So I'm (1) feeling a little like food is controlling me instead of me controlling food, and (2) feeling a little like I'd rather eat than not. I needed inspiration. I spent a long while yesterday evening reading Brad Pilon's nutrition help blog, and it was just the thing. Seriously, don't we all need someone who has faith in us, and in our bodies? Who believes that losing fat is a simple process? Not easy, maybe, but simple—there's a difference between the two. After years of armchair research into nutrition and health and—yes—weight loss, I'll say that for me it's refreshing to read someone who says it is doable, it is adaptable, it isn't restrictive or compulsive—and who has the good research to back it up. It isn't a secret club to join, it isn't a formula so arcane and complex we'll never understand it. It's life. It's eating what we want (focusing on the healthy and whole more than the other), it's fasting twice a week, and it's strength training. Simple.

Fasting today. Feels a bit like a pivot point—like this is the moment where I decide, "I can do this, even if I don't always want to." Because I do want the results. And I feel like I've finally found The Truth, the owner's manual to my body, the way to unlock what I want.

It just all comes down to me, and doing it. Not always easy.

But simple.

A last note on Brad Pilon: I got an email from him on 11 November, filled with personal advice and encouragement. He said, "I have been following Eat Blog Eat," and "I’ve read every post." And then he quoted passages from my posts. He became my personal cheerleader for the day, at a moment when I badly needed one. I know he's got lots of people to cheerlead, but he got me through that day, which was another pivot point. A huge thanks to Brad for the research, for making the facts available to all of us, and for the personal note.

Rah rah!

----------------
Now playing: Sia - Soon We'll Be Found
via FoxyTunes