Back and forth. Up and down.

I'll start by saying this: I'm at peace with me. I bore seven babies, I love food, I move my body, I am what I am.

I have gained and lost 10 pounds quite a few times now. I start, I think I'm on a roll, I level off, I maintain, eventually I gain. I probably have more starting over posts in this sad little blog than I have anything else.

I have a goal, an actual goal. I've never set one of those before, to lose X by date Y. I went to a number of BMR calculators to see how many calories I should (theoretically) eat in a day to accomplish it. But I made my goal reasonable, 1.5 pounds per week, and it's going to be a long haul to get where I'm going. Anything worth doing is worth doing over the long haul; but though it may be simple, that doesn't mean it is easy.

I've removed exercise from the equation. That doesn't mean that I don't do it—on the contrary, I love exercise. It just means that I don't expect it to affect the scale. A good exercise week will not equate to a bigger loss, a specific kind of exercise will not be more magical than other exercise. So I do what I feel like doing every day. I move, I watch the sun inch up over the mountains, I saunter around my neighborhood, I do push ups and lift weights. However much, whenever I want, without the compulsion that this will contribute to a big loss on the scale. As long as it contributes to my feeling of well-being, that's all I want.

And I do feel well. I feel happy, healthy, and balanced.

Support group

My eldest daughter got her driver's license at the end of August. It was a game changer for me. Now instead of having my morning schedule revolve around getting her to school and my afternoon-making dinner schedule revolve around getting her home, I have a lot more time to myself. I don't have to wake up early enough to get in strength training + cardio before I take her to school/make breakfast/start homeschool; it's like a miracle how I just have to wake up early enough to do strength training before getting the other kids up, and then just before I make breakfast I can go out for a really quick run while they clean their rooms, and then in the afternoons I can go out for a longer uphill walk.

I've been doing this since the beginning of September, and I feel incredible. My running endurance has increased. (I don't have high aspirations in the first place, I probably only want to be able to run 2 miles or so.) I run every day instead of taking rest days. I have hardly missed a day of strength training.

But I haven't dropped a single pound. In fact, weighing myself yesterday, I may have gained one. Sigh.

So I found a couple of weight loss support groups on LiveJournal. My old one no longer exists so I have to start out with a new group and try to get to know people and make a place for myself, but hopefully it will become something good. And I signed up for a challenge—between now and 31 December to lose weight rather than gain it. I'm hoping that little bit of accountability to a group outside of me will help nudge me in the right direction.

I already have good exercise habits established, and I'm making progress. This morning I ran a little farther than my minimum and still felt amazing; the only thing that made me stop was that I had to get home to the kids and make breakfast. This is really exciting to me!

But I need to work on my intake. So my goal is to track food @ SparkPeople for the next six weeks. I'm really out of the habit so it will be something new. And hopefully it will shine a light on what I need to do to make this all work.

Starting weight: 169.4 pounds. Good luck me!

Finding my limits

So I fasted two meals Sunday (total calories ~500) and walked about a bit, expending more than sedentary would.

I fasted two meals Monday (total calories a bit less than 500) and exercised about double what I usually would. My energy level, despite the previous and current day's fast, was fantastic yesterday.

I was going to eat only fruit leading up to my evening meal today, as a sort of cleanse. Tried to exercise, but could only do about 30 minutes of cardio and really pooped out during strength training. And I got light-headed around 3:00 and decided I needed to eat a meal.

Lesson learned: Just barely over 1000 calories is not enough nutrition to sustain me into the third day.

Lesson number two: I lost a total of about four pounds in two days. That's a good beginning. Am weakish right now, and looking forward to a good, filling dinner.

Oddly, am not struggling with hunger pangs or cravings. No sugar three days now, though the cupboard is full of it. *shrug* I never know why things go well, I'm just glad they do.

Would that my electronic life were easily portable!

This weight loss blog has been around since 18 October 2008, but my efforts have been going on a much longer time than that. Over on my LiveJournal (which is my main blog, and not publicly accessible because I protect many of my entries) I've been talking about weight loss for a very long time. Two of my seven babies were born while I have been blogging, so naturally there's some weight loss discussion there. I had a 20-year high school reunion. And I had, just the regular maintenance and mini-battles with the three pounds I kept gaining and losing.

In fact if you read my LJ, you might see how much I fixated on a certain number, how my spirits fell if I didn't lose after a week of being good, how I struggled, how I succeeded. There are three things that really made me lose weight: Eat Stop Eat with the periodic fasting, counting calories at SparkPeople.com, and food combining.

I haven't talked about food combining at all in this blog, because it's a thing of my past. When I had just barely birthed baby #7 and was looking to drop that weight, I was really cautious about how I went about it. I wanted to be sure that I fed him properly and gave him all the nutrition he needed, without giving myself too much nutrition. I'd fallen into that trap before, eating too much and gaining weight in the name of feeding the baby.

So I downloaded an e-book called Breastfeed Your Way Thin which turned out to be one of the best things I'd ever done. It was a sensible plan anyone on any diet (even a vegan, like I was at the time) could follow, because it's all about food combining—eating foods in certain combinations.

That's the flash back. Here's the present day.

I've been half-heartedly counting calories for a few weeks now, and trying a little bit to fast now and then. Neither has been terribly effective because I kind of jump ship and eat without recording or break my fast. But what has been effective, is that I'm in my third week of consistent strength training. It's just a tiny little routine, Mondays and Thursdays I work arms, Tuesdays and Fridays legs/butt, and Wednesdays abs. But the consistency is what's important.

For two full weeks and M-W of this week I struggled with energy levels. I just could hardly make it through half of a decent workout before I was exhausted. Gradually my muscles have been less sore after workouts, but always I lifted or squatted or whatever to the point of shaky and fatigue.

(The good news is, this morning I was finally able to finish the entire arms workout. Here's hoping I get the same thing tomorrow with the legs/butt!)

Anyway, energy has been a huge struggle for me. I'm tired because I'm getting up a lot earlier to exercise, and I'm exhausted and fatigued after strength training.

And this morning, I remembered an entry I'd made years ago when I was faithfully following Breastfeed Your Way Thin and combining my foods. This is from January 24, 2006—almost exactly four years ago today. Hmm, interesting.

From Breastfeed Your Way Thin by Shannon Crawford, regarding food combining:

"One thing I do know from direct experience is that many of us have a tendency to rely on food for emotional support: we eat to feel better. Before I came upon food combining, this was a recurring theme for me. I would feel bad, eat junk food to distraction, then feel bad about that and repeat the cycle. But when I started my program, within a few days my moods had improved significantly. I really couldn't believe how much happier I felt.

"Many people who have adopted food combining have stated that they feel much happier with life, they experience less stress, and feel better overall. I am not clear as to why we experience this, but it might have something to do with the increased energy we feel. Or perhaps with better nutrition and health our hormones are better regulated, resulting in improved, more stable moods. Regardless, the direct result of this is very clear; when we feel better, we turn less to food and more to life."

I had noticed over the last, say, half a week or perhaps more, that I was having a startling lack of food cravings and temptations. All I've been wanting is my healthy food, and I haven't been foraging through the treat cupboard for leftover Christmas candy or anything. I haven't heard the doughnuts calling me from inside the convenience store when I go to gas up the car. And then I thought, "Not only am I not having cravings, my mood is incredibly stable." And then I thought, "Hmm, and my energy level is good, too."

And then I reread this part in the book yesterday. Can I blame it all on food combining? I don't know, but I do feel remarkably peaceful and content, even though I'm eating slightly smaller portions and making an effort to avoid treats.

In fact, that was more positive things than I remembered, I was just thinking about the energy levels. It knocks out cravings too?

So I was thinking about this this morning, and decided to go for it. I'll brush up on my food combining this morning—it's been years, after all—and I'll see if I can get that boost in energy, mood, and the ability to withstand cravings that I need right now. Just had a huge glass of fruit smoothie for breakfast. I can eat a couple of pieces of toast between breakfast and lunch. Crossing my fingers.

Feelin' Groovy

This morning just feels different. But then, lots of mornings feel different, and I'm diving head first into the chocolate before lunchtime.

I haven't exercised for a while. Why? I don't know; I had shoulder injuries that made strength training difficult. And I kept trying to change up my strength training and ended up hating it (I like cardio better anyway), but since I'm still intellectually convinced that strength training is way more effective than cardio with respect to changing a body, and since the roads are snow-covered outside...

I haven't exercised in a while. But last week I began to change. I did great cardio three mornings. And this morning I woke up bright and early and did a quite good upper body strength workout that has me still, and hour later, very shaky in the shoulders and arms. (Shaky in a good way.) Good portion control at breakfast. Crossing my fingers that this is the beginning of something, because even my big pants are tight now after the indulgent holiday season I had.

Haven't weighed in months, and I have no intention to. But I do want to exercise, and eat less. Let's see where this goes.

Shout-out to Angela

Having a conversation with Angela, who commented on my last post.

First could you explain a bit more when you mean you didn't touch your metabolism? As in you never felt a change etc?

I mean that it functioned the same before, during, and afterward. I didn't cause it damage, I didn't slow it down or speed it up. People are so afraid of "ruining" their metabolisms and entering starvation mode. I don't believe it. I believe they're not experiencing the quick loss they want, so they make up other excuses for it like starvation mode or slow metabolism or I lost three pounds of fat but gained two pounds of muscle.

I also can understand what you are saying about not believing in the whole idea of starvation mode but I can't get behind it 100% as i do agree we are resilient but at the same time we are primal and really not that far removed in the scale of life from our primitive ancestors.

We may have to agree to disagree on this one, because to me it sounds like more excuses. It's been millenia and millenia. If we believe that our bodies are adaptable and have evolved since then, why would we claim they haven't adapted or evolved after all, just because our pattern of losing changes?

Losing weight is undoubtedly a complex process, much less predictable than a table in a spreadsheet, I won't lie. I never have the results I predict or hope for. But I know if I eat less, I lose, even if I can't predict how much. And it has nothing to do with ancient history. It has to do with whether we're getting adequate food. Are we? Almost certainly. There are extreme cases under which people are starved, but I don't think any of us [I guess I speak of people without eating disorders] are in those conditions.

But what makes me think you may be right about starvation is I had gastric bypass almost a year and a half ago. I was 366 and am now 190-184 depending on scale, time of week, etc. I went from losing thirty lbs a month, twenty, lbs etc to just 1-3 a month in the last three months.

Congratulations on your fantastic loss!

though I have severly fallen off the wagon as far as excercise! I am trying to find my mojo again and really is there mojo?

There certainly is inspiration, motivation, and dedication.

On Brad Pilon's blog I just watched a video entry that applies here. He talks about the skewed message we're getting these days—that we need to increase our exercise to match our consumption. That's pretty backward. We should reduce our consumption to the level we need, rather than trying to meet some activity quota that brings our consumption into balance. Why?

1. We can never out-exercise our consumption. We are capable of consuming hundreds or even thousands of calories in minutes. (When I was a teen I could eat a half a pizza, probably 2000 calories, in 10 minutes or so. How long does a burger and fries take? Or a heaping helping of cake and ice cream?) Exercising at maximum intensity, we burn maybe 6 calories per minute. You can see how out of whack that is, when it takes less than 60 seconds to eat a 280-calorie candy bar. It would take hours and hours of exercise to balance a single too-big meal.


2. There does exist, for every person, an amount of food that can be consumed daily that will reduce us to or maintain us at our optimal body fat level, without exercise. If eating food is the problem, then eating food should be the solution. We don't weigh more than we'd like because we exercise too little, we weigh more because we eat too much.


3. There does exist, for every person, a minimal amount of exercise that gives them the muscle appearance and mass they want. Doing more exercise beyond this minimal amount doesn't necessarily increase the amount of muscle mass, and may possibly just be a waste of time. And once that mass is established, those developed muscles won't be visible if they're still covered with fat from eating too much. (My own example of this: I have abs of steel. I can mantain my strong abdominals with just a few ab exercises every week; exercising hours and hours more doesn't make them any stronger, I'd need steroids to do anything more than I've done with them. But no one can see them, because they're buried under at least ten pounds of abdominal fat. No one would know, by looking at my body, what a strong belly I have.)

Anyway all those times my body was starved and I kept loosing I did have one plateau though and I had to increase my protein so maybe that was due to starvation mode??

I have no idea. I know when I'm eating reduced calories, a caloric number smaller than the amount I need to sustain my current weight, if I hit a plateau it breaks much faster when I eat more for a week than when I eat less for a week. I think we just need to change things up, give the body something new to process, freak it out a little. Because it isn't a simple equation, or a machine that gives us predictable results.

*shrug*

Not sure why weight loss has slowed down to the speed of naught, but I'll keep on keepin' on. Have started exercising during lunchtime since I'm not eating anyway, and that is going marvelously well. Can't believe how great it feels, actually, so I'll stick with it while it works. And hopefully the weight will at least trickle off.

Husband and I went out to dinner last Saturday evening, to my favorite restaurant. I ate exactly what I wanted to, but I was moderate with the portions. Win! We had a long, long, hours long conversation about bodies—about the pressure I feel to have a certain body because that is all that is portrayed in the media. I'd really love to have a tight, flat little tummy. Will that happen, after bearing seven? I just don't foresee it. I could possibly lose that much weight, but at what sacrifice?

And why should I feel like I must? Why do I crave it so badly?

Interestingly, we ended up thinking I needed to go looking at new clothes, some that don't fit me quite so snugly. Some of my shirts, while they look okay when I'm standing, accentuate my rolls on my abdomen most unflatteringly when I sit. What if they were a little looser, and could drape over and camouflage the rolls? We went to Eddie Bauer and tried on a few shirts and pants in a bit larger size and found some things that actually look quite nice.

So I'm feeling, actually, okay[er] about myself. Why do I need to get down to a certain weight to be cute, to dress well, to feel happy about myself?

I'll continue. I'm doing well. But I'm also okay, right now, with me. I'll see where it leads.

For Angela, who recently found my blog: welcome! I'm glad you stumbled on it. I hope to see you around a lot. I wanted to address one thing in particular that you said: "Maybe your body doesn't like you skipping lunch and thinks you are starving it." For what it's worth, I don't believe in starvation mode. (That sounds funny, like it's Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.) All the latest research I can find indicates to me that starvation mode is a lot harder to enter than we're made to believe, and that if I am, for instance, lifting weights and actively building/maintaining muscle while cutting calories (even below the 1000-calorie level) then my body realizes it isn't starvation, and just behaves as it should: expending more calories than it takes in, and losing weight. I think there is ample research on this, and I'm doing my own personal experiment on it, I suppose you could say. :) In months and months of doing 24-hour fasts, I never touched my metabolism, it continued to function perfectly. We're pretty resilient creatures.

Onward! Now, with clothes that fit better! (That's a new feature, darling.)

----------------
Now playing: Muse - Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1
via FoxyTunes

Sugar + Alyson = OTP*

Last Saturday the 21st I decided not to even weigh myself. It's been an insane few weeks since my father-in-law died—very busy schedule for me, lots of running around and doing; and worst of all, my husband is gone very, very long hours trying to settle the estate. I've missed him, I've stressed out, I've consoled myself with all manner of Valentine's treats. And I decided, rather than let a weigh-in make me feel bad, I'd skip it for one week.

I haven't exercised in several weeks—much of it is the same schedule problems, lots of late nights and early mornings. But I finally decided last week that my current method isn't working. I need to get up a bit earlier, a half hour or so, and exercise before the kids get up. Yes, theoretically, I can carve a half hour out of my daytime schedule. And for a few months I was great at that. But now mostly I don't. And what's more, I use, "Haven't exercised yet!" as an excuse to hang around indecently long in my pajamas or workout clothes with my hair all over the place, embarrassed to open the door if someone knocks.

So today was the day. I hopped out of bed at 5:15 and was done working out by 6:00, in time to make lunches and breakfasts and all the things I usually do in the morning. While the kids ate breakfast I showered, and by school time I was already all dressed with hair done, ready for the day. Much, much better. I'm crossing my fingers for a better week this week.

I really need to kick my sugar addiction to the curb. I love sugar, and I eat way too much of it. And then, because I've already eaten some, I eat more. And I crave it. And I don't feel full from good, healthy food until I've had something sugary as a chaser. And I can easily eat as many calories of sugar as I do of food, ack. So I'm trying to cut out refined sugars this week. I'm not cutting out fruits or breads or any of the healthy things that contain sugar-like molecules, that would be unmanageable; but I 'm trying to get the treat consumption under control so I'm not always thinking about and looking for sugary treats.

It'll be tough, I'm not going to lie. This week I'm pre-menstrual (TMI!) and my one and only symptom of PMS is that I crave sugar. Like, exclusively. Hell if I want to even eat anything else. I'm dying for a cookie right now, thank heavens I don't have any. (Ate 'em all yesterday. :-/ )

*OTP in internet lingo means one true pairing, like when you think that actually Jo March should have married Laurie instead of Professor Bhaer in Little Women then you think Jo + Laurie = OTP. Like me 'n' sugar.

----------------
Now playing: Bow Wow Wow - I Want Candy
via FoxyTunes

Back in the saddle—giddyup!

Christmas was fantastic, vacation was fantastic, New Years was fantastic.

Ate like it was a contest and I had to win. :-/ So much delicious food! And I have just about no resistance to yummy Christmas treats. Am having the hardest time with chocolate minty cookies and Almond Roca.

And so it was with trepidation and fear that I stepped on the scale this morning, and with great satisfaction that I noted I'd only gained two-point-something pounds. That's survivable. In fact, I'm proud of my body for handling the onslaught of calories and sugar that well.

Just before Christmas I was having difficulty staying warm, maintaining my own body temperature. I just was chilly all the time. I live in a drafty, old 115-year-old house so that is definitely part of the problem, but I also wondered if it was metabolic. Though I'll add I wasn't worried (as I would have been before Eat Stop Eat) that I'd "destroyed my metabolism" or ruined my capability to burn fat or anything like that; I just figured that it was a natural effect of a cycle of intermittent fasting.

Then once we got to our Christmas vacation destination and I ate meals daily and treats here and there, my body cranked up like a furnace. I was warm enough by the end of day one and too warm by day three, with no adjustment of ambient cabin temperature. I don't know what it all means, but I found it interesting. The heat generation and ability to maintain my own warmth has continued since coming home.

But I have had the hardest time getting back into the swing of fasting. There is still so much good food around, and I want it. I've settled this week for adopting a pattern of abbreviated fasts (two meals) here and there and smaller portions at meals, coupled with eating some Christmas treats. I hasn't made me lose weight, but as I said I'm happy with only a 2+ pound gain.

And today is a new day, a new week, a new year. Today I can look at that box of treats and not be desperate, because I've had my fill. I haven't denied myself anything, and all that is in there is more of the same. Today I do a real 24-hour fast again. I've already done my strength training. Today I find my strength to do what I really want to do. :)

----------------
Now playing: Sia - Soon We'll Be Found
via FoxyTunes

Ringing out the old

I've discovered that shoveling lots of heavy snow is the best upper back workout I've ever done, and mighty effective for shoulders too. Yesterday my husband came home from work and hugged me, and everything was sore. I hadn't realized it until he began rubbing. A masseuse would really be appreciated right now—as if a rural-dwelling stay at home mother of seven could just toodle off for a massage!

Our family had a fun Christmas adventure last week. We packed up the Suburban and tow-along trailer with everything necessary for nine people for Christmas, and ventured 850 miles to a family cabin near the Canadian border. We had a fantastic time, it was a unique Christmas experience for us but certainly enjoyable and memorable. I fasted the day we drove up there (thereby missing all those greasy road trip foods, nice!) and the first day of our drive back, and it wasn't too bad at all.

But I did miss last week's weigh in. And though I wanted to, I was unable to fast yesterday. I was ravenously, insatiably hungry. And you wouldn't believe the huge box of sugary treats I have in the kitchen! *kicks leftover Christmas goodies* I'm so not good with resisting sugar.

Today is the last day of 2008. It has been a good year, has flown by so quickly; I'm amazed it's gone. But so many wonderful things have happened for me, and for my family. And I go into 2009 with hope and happiness, thanks to Eat Stop Eat. I began my "New Year's Resolution" months early, and I've already lost more than ten pounds. I've found lots of new ways to build strength (including snow shoveling :D ) and I will achieve my goals this year. And it won't take me all of 2009 to do it, either.

Thank you, 2008. You've been good to me.

----------------
Now playing: Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
via FoxyTunes

On top of the world!

I have had a fantastic week so far.

• On Monday, I organized a field trip for our homeschool group. When I got dressed in my skinnier jeans and a clinging sweater, even I thought, "Wow." No delusions, I could see a difference. When my husband saw me (he met us at the museum) he said, "Oh my gosh I hadn't seen you wearing anything like that yet. You look so good." And he grabbed my butt. :)
  
  
• One of the moms who participated in the field trip was my first real friend when we moved to this area ten years ago. We've since moved into a different house further away from her and I don't see her very often anymore, though we always have a great chat when we do see one another. While I was walking around making sure everyone had arrived, this friend pulled my husband aside and said, "Every time I see Alyson, she gets more gorgeous. She looks better, every time I see her."
  
  
• Yesterday all eight of us stopped by my husband's office when we were passing by. We're almost never passing by, and if we are usually we're headed somewhere urgently; yesterday we had time so I said, "Let's go see Dad!" One of his coworkers, whom I hadn't seen in several months said, "You're looking good. All that healthy living is treating you right."
  
  
• Last night while he was holding me in bed B said, "You even feel smaller."

Now, the compliments from my husband meant the most, because he's the one I want to look good for.

But the other two comments were pretty mood-lifting too. They weren't about weight loss. Who knows but what my own confidence, inspired by the nine pounds I've dropped, was sufficient to make me look different to both of them? But I can't help being thrilled with positive feedback like that.

And it has helped me stay on track a bit this week. The Thanksgiving feasting is already starting to trickle in—special treats here, little get-togethers there, taking the kids and eating out because we're on break—and because I know that in some way my efforts are already visible, I want to be sure that I preserve the headway I've already made.

Had a wonderful morning with my husband, and I can't wait for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Excellent workout this morning, too. All my happy hormones are just flowing like crazy, making me feel like I can fly. :)

----------------
Now playing: Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
via FoxyTunes

Now we're cooking with gas...

So excited about 147! I guess I have less need to write when I'm not whining about not losing weight or how difficult it is to fast. :) Stops aren't much of an issue—my hunger isn't severe, it's mentally fairly easy to avoid food of all descriptions. And working out is going great. I'm really focusing on strength training, and I've scaled back the cardio a lot—this last week I didn't do any. It's amazing the results I'm getting from just the strength training. I'm finding new ways to work my muscles, even just here at home, and though I am mostly well past the point where a workout makes me sore at all, I still manage occasionally to really get my hamstrings or my triceps or my quads and have soreness the next day, just enough to know it's having an effect. I feel stronger. I'm either delusional (which is possible, alas) or there's a visible difference in the way my arms and legs look.

And my clothes fit differently than they did seven weeks ago. My birthday was on 23 September, and I used a gift certificate to purchase new jeans in a larger size. I only had Old Navy size 8s (which are really mislabled 10s IMO) and I just wasn't comfortable—they were too tight, I was too muffintoppy, my thighs looked enormous and needed more fabric camouflage. I wanted something to wear while I lost weight, so I could look cute during the process.

My new Old Navy size 10s were, you guessed it, real 10s. They've changed the sizing. So they were identical to the 8s I already had—too tight, too muffintoppy. I took them back and dithered about what to do while I continued with my weight loss efforts. I'm happy to report, these weeks later, that the 8s (which should be 10s) fit me fairly well, and I no longer need a larger size. I'd like them to be a little looser yet, but they'll do.

I can see a difference in the curve of my waist, in the thinness of my face. My thighs don't strain the seams of the jeans and I can wear clothing in smaller sizes. Slim-fitting shirts have less blubber beneath them. All in all, I feel happy and optimistic. It's working! Let's hope I can hold on during this Thanksgiving week because I'm not going to lie, I love Thanksgiving food. Why else would I spend all day long cooking the equivalent of six full suppers and three desserts for one family of nine if I didn't want bites of every single thing?

----------------
Now playing: Muse - Darkshines
via FoxyTunes

A brilliant Wednesday morning

Had a fabulous butt/thigh workout today. I'm still trembly. Was sweating and breathing hard, yay. Noon addition: And I got in a great uphill walk and downhill run before lunch!

Weighed myself this morning. 149.0. I'm not counting it as an official weigh-in, but I'm cheered at least.

But! I haven't fasted this week. Monday after lunch through Tuesday lunchtime was supposed to be a Stop, but I didn't. As I blogged that night, my heart just wasn't in it. No results, no impetus to feel that deep level of hunger. I ate a very small supper that night and a little breakfast the next morning. In fact, I've been eating little meals all week, and "fasting" between. I know, you're like, "Duh, we all fast between meals." Yes, I agree. But here's what I mean: I haven't been snacking at all, I've avoided all treats (still have birthday cake floating around, and oodles of pudding and frosting in the fridge), and between meals—because my meals are smaller than I'm accustomed to—I do get to feeling extremely hungry, about the same level as if I were fasting. And that very feeling gives me the strength to keep it up until my next smallish meal.

The Stops have given me willpower. If I can make foods I love for my kids and not take a nibble, if I can go 24 hours without food of any kind despite my inclinations to the contrary, then I can certainly keep my meals smallish and not eat a bite between.

Have been working out well, too. Revamped my exercise schedule last week—I love making tables and spreadsheets and schedules. I like making them more than I like following them :P but I've been following it to the letter and truly, I can feel my strength and endurance improving.

So, squee. I feel happy and optimistic. (Makes a nice change from the whining, doesn't it?)

I may not fast at all this week. But I'm not giving it up altogether, especially as Thanksgiving and Christmas approach. I'm so serious about this and doing so well, and I know that serious weight-loss effort is, for me at least, a limited-time offer. I'd hate to have Thanksgiving or Christmas throw off my groove and undo whatever I've accomplished by then.

Onward and downward!

----------------
Now playing: The Black Ghosts - Full Moon (favorite non-Muse song on the Twilight Soundtrack)
via FoxyTunes

It's not so bad

Finished my third Stop an hour ago. Nothing really to report this time—it was pretty manageable. Did strength training again this morning. Was quite hungry by the time 24 hours rolled around, but not ravenous. I ate a little snack and I'll have lunch in another hour.

Once upon a time when B went in for one of his many GI tests to figure out why his intestines were so wonky, he had to do a clear liquid fast for 48 hours before so his colon would be empty. I remember the second 24 hours well, and the effect the all-liquid diet had on his bodily functions. I've been sort of waiting for something similar because all I do is drink and drink and drink and drink water for 24 hours. I figured this has to have some cleansing effect, on top of the weight loss. I probably won't keep you up on that part of it (yes, I hear the choir singing hymns of thanks) but I thought I'd mention that I was right.

----------------
Now playing: Oingo Boingo - Just Another Day
via FoxyTunes

So Fast (har har)

I'm on my second Stop now. Today is only day four of the program for me, but I've already gained something from doing this: self control. It has been so much easier for me to eat proper portion sizes, and (even better) to resist sweets. Yes, I have some in the cupboard. But if I can skip three meals, I can just keep myself to one cookie. Or no cookies. It's a fabulous, powerful feeling.

Had a good strength training workout this morning. I can feel a difference with my [wimpy] heavier weights. I almost couldn't do 12 reps of overhead presses. Heh, take that puny muscles! I shall make you lean and mean!

----------------
Now playing: Sheryl Crow - Strong Enough
via FoxyTunes

First Stop

I didn't quite make it 24 hours.

And I'm okay with that.

I fasted dinner last night and breakfast this morning, and snacks. I did a strength training workout today—and despite the fact that I haven't done weights in a while, it went well. I bought new weights last Saturday, so I was lifting heavier for some of the exercises than I ever have. (New weights = 8 pounds. Yes, I'm wimpy! I also have 10-pounders which actually weigh 11.6 pounds. That's my heaviest. *blows nails*)

Around 11:00 am, which was the 20 hour mark, all I could think of was what I'd eat when I broke my fast, and what I'd eat after that, and what I'd make for dinner... So rather than fixate and obsess, I decided I'd just have a small but healthy meal—one cup (measured) of the vegetable soup I made for the family last night, and one small whole wheat roll. I'm actually still hungry, so I'll have lunch in an hour or so.

I was mentally very much hungrier than I was physically. I drank plenty of water (almost a gallon) in that 20 hours, and I was able to handle the physical very well. But my mind was tapping me on the shoulder so to speak, reminding me that if I weren't fasting, I could eat this or do that.

I'm not going to lie, one of the best parts of the Stop was the religious. I decided, as long as I'm not eating, I may as well make it count for something. So it was a great 20 hours on two levels. I consider it a successful first Stop. I managed a full workout on an empty stomach (which author Brad Pilon promised I could), and I'm not at all discouraged. Quite the opposite. We'll see what effect it has Saturday, on the number on the scale.

I plan to do my second Stop for the week on Thursday afternoon/Friday morning, after 48 full hours of eating healthy foods.

----------------
Now playing: Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son
via FoxyTunes