So busy, no posting

Things are going pretty well. I'm painting the exterior of my house* so exercise has gone by the wayside for a couple of weeks now, but I honestly think that I'll probably be done with that [SQUEE SQUEE SQUEE] today, and I'll pick up where I left off. Doing better with intermittent fasting, it isn't the mindgame it had been. And I'm loving the calorie cycling, in that twice a week I have enough calories to eat pretty much anything I want. That, so far, is making all the difference.

Yesterday and today I weighed 150.0. I suspect on Saturday morning's weigh in I'll be below 150. I'm excited about that, because 150 is my threshold above which I do not want to go. So that means that I'm really just starting the rest of the work I need to do right now.

But at least I've begun!

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*The painting project has sucked all my time. I haven't blogged in the longest time. But I still have to eat, right? So I'm still plugging away.

All sorts of detours

I've been all over the map lately with diet. I tried my own slim fast diet, in which I was going to eat fresh fruits/vegs for two meals (approx 250 calories/meal), and then a "sensible dinner". That lasted about a week.

Then I was going to eat exactly 1200 calories per day. That lasted probably two days. I upped it to 1500 calories per day. That one, though easier, didn't even get off the ground; I was too busy eating everything in sight. I haven't done a serious fast in a mighty long time, longer than two months. My periodic fasts just became mind games, in which my mind tried to convince me to eat after only one missed meal, or two missed meals. My mind always won. As I was consuming an entire day of calories in that make-up meal, I kept mentally chanting, "Food isn't bad! It's not wrong to eat!"

My problem is that I want to lose weight fast. Don't we all? I was 140 pounds once. I want to weigh 130, but I want to be starting from 140, not from where I am. So I'll "hurry up" and lose the first ten, and then keep going. Or something stupid like that.

I clicked a SparkPeople.com link over on Facebook, which took me to a blog post entitled My Top 10 Weight Loss Mistakes: What are Yours? She mentioned wanting to lose the weight too fast, and it was like a lightbulb went off for me. While it's true I want to be 140 today, or tomorrow, or next week, I can't do it that way. I have to do it sensibly. The time will pass anyway; I just have to make the most of the passing time.

So I began exercising again. I'd dropped cardio (which I love) in favor of weight training (which I believe has many more benefits, but I don't enjoy it nearly so well). So when I dropped weight training because of schedule difficulties, I wasn't doing anything at all. Now I'm doing both again.

And after my failed attempts at self-slim-fast, I began researching diets again. The diets that will work for me are somewhat limited with my mostly-vegan lifestyle, but I checked out a number of them anyway. Most were gimmicks or required supplements or wanted me to eat more times a day than I can, etc.

And then I paused. I'd just finished running and was stretching, and I had a moment of quiet to just ponder me.

And I realized, the only two diets that have ever worked for me are counting calories at SparkPeople.com, and Eat Stop Eat with the periodic fasting. Both are about eating fewer calories, because I'm obviously consuming more calories than I need. There is no way to out-exercise a bad diet, when it is so easy to consume calories and so hard to burn them off. I can eat 1000 calories in 20 minutes. I can burn about 60 calories in the same amount of time if I'm running uphill (which, needless to say, I don't).

Reality checks are good, right?

I've decided to count calories again, with the fun twist of calorie-cycling. This is where my calories average out to 1500/day over a week, but individual days vary. Yesterday I got 1700 calories, which seemed like a full out indulgence day. I ate literally everything I wanted to and barely got all those calories in. (Mind you, I didn't go to P.F. Chang's. That would have made it a bit easier.) Today I get 1300 and I have to be a little more careful. But eating everything yesterday makes it easier to leave out the really fun stuff today, and I know I get another 1700 day this week.

But when I stepped on the scale Monday morning I got a bad case of sticker shock. I weighed the second most I've ever weighed in my life non-pregnant. 157 pounds. I swear, just two weeks ago I was 149? Which is still way too much, but 157?!?!

So I began my Monday with an unexpected Eat Stop Eat fast. I exercised, I drank, and I didn't eat. And wonder of wonders, I made it through beautifully. No mind games.

So now I'm doing a combination, I guess, of the only two methods (which are branches of the same thing) which have ever worked for me.

I'm happy. I've already seen a 4-pound drop on the scale, and it's just two days later. With a few higher-calorie days per week, it feels very doable. SparkPeople is my old friend.

It won't be tomorrow, but I'll see 140 again. And hopefully after that, I'll keep going to 130.

My brain is hungrier than my stomach is.

Fascinating article about how our brains sabotage our efforts to lose weight.

Not that I needed to be told; any time I've given in and ended a fast before I had planned to, any time I've gone off my calorie-calculated food plan for the day when I thought I had it under control, it was my brain talking me into it, not my stomach. My brain wants the pleasure of eating even more than my body does.

Have not had a good week with the calories, with the sugar-free, with the portion control, nor anything else; but I have managed my first real fast in weeks today. Let's hope I can turn it around and find myself some control.

Honey, oh sugar sugar

So I ate more than a bite of dessert at the headmaster's dinner Saturday night. I ate, let's see, three or four cookies at the family tea party we dropped by for a few minutes on our way to the dinner. And then I ate half a [huge] piece of the richest chocolate cake at the dinner.

Woke up Sunday with a sugar hangover, a horrid headache.

Now I'm so glad I didn't eat sugar yesterday. It's so stupid how much self-control it took, but I'm so glad I didn't use this week's sugar day yesterday. I weighed 147.0 on Saturday morning and (despite my efforts, because of the cookies and cake probably) I weighed 147.8 this morning for the official weigh-in. But despite the little jump (which I know is carb-related water retention or something, onward and downward) I feel like I accomplished something. First, I lost 2+ pounds from the previous Monday. Second, I didn't eat sugar yesterday. I was stronger than I thought was. Which is self-reinforcing, now I feel strong because I was strong.

Mixed feelings

Made chocolatey cookies and coconut pudding for the fam for dessert.

OMgosh, it was so hard not to lick spoons or take nibbles. Because today isn't a sugar day. But I did it.

Just tracked my calories for today.

And now I'm so glad that I didn't do a sugar day and don't have to record those calories.

So *WAH* about not eating tasty dessert, but *YAY* about today's calories consumed and not eating sugar today! :)

Brand New

I don't know what that magical switch is that gets flipped, the one that gives me the strength mentally to say, "No REALLY, I'm going to do this." I've tried to flip the switch manually before; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But last week I noticed my clothes were getting a little tight. I weighed myself and found I was 150 again. And the switch flipped.

This is my new beginning. I know, both from experience and from research that I have twelve weeks to see what changes I can bring about. Twelve weeks, maybe a few more, before the fire dies out and I slide into maintenance mode.

I've had a great week! Tracking calories was a big success for me. I started the week at 150.something (didn't pay attention to the .something, I was having sticker shock over the 150) and this morning I was 147.0. I haven't done a fast all week. I've been so weak, so indulgent, for so many weeks now that I figured portion reduction and cutting out sugar were enough to work on for one week.

Also that thing they say? About not changing too many behaviors at once? Yes, I've borne it out: I was able to cut out sugar and track my calories and revamp my eating, but I was not able to also work in faithful workouts. Baby steps, right?

At sparkpeople.com I've set up a "streak" regarding sugar. If I can not eat sugary treats six days out of seven, I'll call that a wild success. If I can do that week after week, I'll call it an addiction broken! I've made it through week one. I've been sugar-free for six days. Tonight is a dinner in SLC for my daughter's head of school, and I suspect I'll have a bite of dessert. And I won't have to feel guilty about it, because I've already met my goal. :)

I've also realized that having my official weigh-in on Saturday morning, and knowing I have another entire week before the next Saturday morning, gives me a mental excuse to splurge all weekend with bigger portions and treats here and there. And I don't want to splurge all weekend; I want to maximize my efforts since 12 weeks is a pretty tight window. So I've moved my official weigh-in, the weight that gets recorded here, to Monday mornings. I just decided two days ago to do this, and it strikes me as a mighty fine idea. Looking forward to Monday!

“It's a fallacy that all it takes is willpower to reshape your body. If you can't learn to speak French in a month, it doesn't mean you're weak-willed; it means you've set an impossible goal. Weight loss does take effort, but as with any project, it also takes a plan. You can set yourself up for success.”

That's what I'm trying to do. Tally ho!

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