Honey, oh sugar sugar

So I ate more than a bite of dessert at the headmaster's dinner Saturday night. I ate, let's see, three or four cookies at the family tea party we dropped by for a few minutes on our way to the dinner. And then I ate half a [huge] piece of the richest chocolate cake at the dinner.

Woke up Sunday with a sugar hangover, a horrid headache.

Now I'm so glad I didn't eat sugar yesterday. It's so stupid how much self-control it took, but I'm so glad I didn't use this week's sugar day yesterday. I weighed 147.0 on Saturday morning and (despite my efforts, because of the cookies and cake probably) I weighed 147.8 this morning for the official weigh-in. But despite the little jump (which I know is carb-related water retention or something, onward and downward) I feel like I accomplished something. First, I lost 2+ pounds from the previous Monday. Second, I didn't eat sugar yesterday. I was stronger than I thought was. Which is self-reinforcing, now I feel strong because I was strong.

Mixed feelings

Made chocolatey cookies and coconut pudding for the fam for dessert.

OMgosh, it was so hard not to lick spoons or take nibbles. Because today isn't a sugar day. But I did it.

Just tracked my calories for today.

And now I'm so glad that I didn't do a sugar day and don't have to record those calories.

So *WAH* about not eating tasty dessert, but *YAY* about today's calories consumed and not eating sugar today! :)

Brand New

I don't know what that magical switch is that gets flipped, the one that gives me the strength mentally to say, "No REALLY, I'm going to do this." I've tried to flip the switch manually before; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But last week I noticed my clothes were getting a little tight. I weighed myself and found I was 150 again. And the switch flipped.

This is my new beginning. I know, both from experience and from research that I have twelve weeks to see what changes I can bring about. Twelve weeks, maybe a few more, before the fire dies out and I slide into maintenance mode.

I've had a great week! Tracking calories was a big success for me. I started the week at 150.something (didn't pay attention to the .something, I was having sticker shock over the 150) and this morning I was 147.0. I haven't done a fast all week. I've been so weak, so indulgent, for so many weeks now that I figured portion reduction and cutting out sugar were enough to work on for one week.

Also that thing they say? About not changing too many behaviors at once? Yes, I've borne it out: I was able to cut out sugar and track my calories and revamp my eating, but I was not able to also work in faithful workouts. Baby steps, right?

At sparkpeople.com I've set up a "streak" regarding sugar. If I can not eat sugary treats six days out of seven, I'll call that a wild success. If I can do that week after week, I'll call it an addiction broken! I've made it through week one. I've been sugar-free for six days. Tonight is a dinner in SLC for my daughter's head of school, and I suspect I'll have a bite of dessert. And I won't have to feel guilty about it, because I've already met my goal. :)

I've also realized that having my official weigh-in on Saturday morning, and knowing I have another entire week before the next Saturday morning, gives me a mental excuse to splurge all weekend with bigger portions and treats here and there. And I don't want to splurge all weekend; I want to maximize my efforts since 12 weeks is a pretty tight window. So I've moved my official weigh-in, the weight that gets recorded here, to Monday mornings. I just decided two days ago to do this, and it strikes me as a mighty fine idea. Looking forward to Monday!

“It's a fallacy that all it takes is willpower to reshape your body. If you can't learn to speak French in a month, it doesn't mean you're weak-willed; it means you've set an impossible goal. Weight loss does take effort, but as with any project, it also takes a plan. You can set yourself up for success.”

That's what I'm trying to do. Tally ho!

----------------
Now playing: Elefant - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
via FoxyTunes

Had to cut back portions...

...in order to tone down my appetite. I was just starving all the time, but a few days of tracking calories/intake at sparkpeople.com (and trying to cut back) has brought it back within manageable levels. It's 12:30. I'm not intentionally fasting today, I just thought I'd go without eating until I got hungry. I'm still not hungry.

Also: 4.5 days without sugar, and surviving. :)

True confessions.

1. I ate sugar again. Drat. One little bit gave way to one bigger bit, until I was eating sugar every day. Not in the quantities I had been before, so that's good. Sugar wasn't the only thing that was important to me. But I had to start over again cutting it out. I'm on day three. It isn't as difficult this time.
   
   
2. I'm finding it almost impossible right now to fast. I don't know why; lack of willpower? I just get horrifically starving, and then I think, "But food isn't bad!" and I eat and then I make up all the calories I'd so far skipped that day, breakfast or breakfast plus lunch. Oh yeah, I can totally eat an entire day's calories in one sitting. :(
   
   
3. So I'm actively back at sparkpeople.com for the moment, tracking my caloric intake. It is easier for me, right now, to limit my portions than to fast. And I figured since I was just eating like crazy, I had to do something.
   
   
4. I'm also trying to be more faithful with exercise, especially strength training. Spring weather is here and is supposed to stay all week long (SQUEE) and what I really want to do is get out and jog and walk. Though I'm definitely not in the cardiovascular shape I was in last spring when I had been doing cardio faithfully. My shift of focus to strength training, and then my total laziness in not doing it, has made me a little bit winded in places where I used to not be. Sigh. I really enjoy cardio so much more than strength training. Really. But I need the strength training more.

----------------
Now playing: Adam Lambert - Mad World (American Idol Studio Version)
via FoxyTunes

Going, going, gone

It took almost two excruciating weeks, but I've really knocked out my sugar cravings. Sugar cravings are my one and only pre-menstrual symptom; so I was craving sugar all the time, but the week before my period those cravings are much more powerful, almost irresistible. And the week before my period was, not through good planning but because the stars just freakily aligned that way, the first week I went sugar-free. Which made it a very difficult week indeed.

But though I still craved sugar every single day all day long, each day the craving was a bit more manageable. And finally I came through it unscathed, and now sugar is resistible. This is a major, major victory for me. Three examples:

• We spent Friday night and Saturday morning with my sister and her family. I purchased Krispy Kremes for them as a gift, plenty for two Kremes per person, and didn't eat any.
  
  
• Went to a party with friends on Saturday night. The dessert table was full, and there were two of my favorites—homemade oreos (huge, almost as big as my hand) and almond sheet cake. These are things my friends regularly bring and I crave them all the time. But I stuck with food and left the desserts alone, though I wanted that almond cake something fierce.
  
  
• This might sound like falling off the wagon, but I also count it a victory. We went to a cub scout dinner last night with our 9YO son. I drank a root beer with my vegetarian sloppy joe, and ate a piece of apple pie afterward. OH NOES! SUGAR!! But we have to eat like real people, right? The occasional piece of birthday cake or whatever? I could feel I was sufficiently past my cravings that it wouldn't be dangerous, and I was right. It hasn't triggered a sugar binge in me at all. I had an egg with toast for breakfast, am going to have vegetable soup, carrots, and hummus for lunch, and I have zero sugar cravings now. I just frosted a cake to give away, and I didn't even lick the frosting spreader when I was done.

So I am feeling great about that. A little sugar every now and then I don't see as a problem. No sweets makes Jack a very dull boy. Variety is the spice of life, and nothing should ever be forbidden or off-limits, because that just creates an artificial (irrational) mental need. At least, for me it does.

But my sugar cravings went to the next level, very akin to addiction. That needed to be broken. I've taken the first steps. Now I will eat sugar consciously and not mindlessly, choose it and limit it but not freak out about it.

So happy with myself.

----------------
Now playing: Syntax - Pride
via FoxyTunes