Going, going, gone

It took almost two excruciating weeks, but I've really knocked out my sugar cravings. Sugar cravings are my one and only pre-menstrual symptom; so I was craving sugar all the time, but the week before my period those cravings are much more powerful, almost irresistible. And the week before my period was, not through good planning but because the stars just freakily aligned that way, the first week I went sugar-free. Which made it a very difficult week indeed.

But though I still craved sugar every single day all day long, each day the craving was a bit more manageable. And finally I came through it unscathed, and now sugar is resistible. This is a major, major victory for me. Three examples:

• We spent Friday night and Saturday morning with my sister and her family. I purchased Krispy Kremes for them as a gift, plenty for two Kremes per person, and didn't eat any.
  
  
• Went to a party with friends on Saturday night. The dessert table was full, and there were two of my favorites—homemade oreos (huge, almost as big as my hand) and almond sheet cake. These are things my friends regularly bring and I crave them all the time. But I stuck with food and left the desserts alone, though I wanted that almond cake something fierce.
  
  
• This might sound like falling off the wagon, but I also count it a victory. We went to a cub scout dinner last night with our 9YO son. I drank a root beer with my vegetarian sloppy joe, and ate a piece of apple pie afterward. OH NOES! SUGAR!! But we have to eat like real people, right? The occasional piece of birthday cake or whatever? I could feel I was sufficiently past my cravings that it wouldn't be dangerous, and I was right. It hasn't triggered a sugar binge in me at all. I had an egg with toast for breakfast, am going to have vegetable soup, carrots, and hummus for lunch, and I have zero sugar cravings now. I just frosted a cake to give away, and I didn't even lick the frosting spreader when I was done.

So I am feeling great about that. A little sugar every now and then I don't see as a problem. No sweets makes Jack a very dull boy. Variety is the spice of life, and nothing should ever be forbidden or off-limits, because that just creates an artificial (irrational) mental need. At least, for me it does.

But my sugar cravings went to the next level, very akin to addiction. That needed to be broken. I've taken the first steps. Now I will eat sugar consciously and not mindlessly, choose it and limit it but not freak out about it.

So happy with myself.

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Kicking it to the curb

For all my big talk before, I'm actually detoxing from sugar now. Haven't had anything purposefully sugary since Thursday. There are times when it is still really hard. Every time I eat anything, I want a sugary dessert chaser. When I get hungry, sugary is the first thing I think of.

Which is all the more reason I must conquer the sugar addiction, no? Day three and counting.

Screw it.

Do I want to be a certain size? Look a certain way? YES.

But it's just not worth giving up food to do it.

Bring on the night

When it's been a long time since I did a decent fast, it's always much more difficult to get into the groove again. My stomach is protesting the emptiness today. :-/ It's not even noon and I'm ready for the day—the food day, at least—to wind up.

Just have to keep remembering that this is what I want.

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Now playing: The Police - Bring On The Night
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How Alyson lost her groove.

I didn't even weigh myself last Saturday; usually I wake up with a sense of anticipation, or occasionally dread ;) knowing my weigh-in is the first thing I'll do, but last week I woke up with an overwhelming sense of I-don't-care. I'd been sick for a week, too sick to fast, and I just didn't care what I weighed. I'd been trying for a couple of weeks to talk myself into caring, but it hadn't worked.

I've been thinking about "starting over" for a little bit now. I'm so happy that I'm not in the 150s anymore, that was a good beginning way back then and a good result achieved, but I act like someone at the tail end of a diet, someone who has ten more pounds to lose but just isn't feeling it anymore. My clothes all fit again; the urgency, the inspiration to continue had waned.

I read this article many months ago—a very interesting article on weight loss, if you're interested—but the part that really stuck out at me was this:

“Weight loss happens in two stages that require two different approaches. First, there's the losing stage. That's all about food restriction. There's no particular diet that seems to be more effective than another one; it has more to do with individual preference — what you can stick with long-term. The weight-loss stage lasts an average of three to six months. …After six months, if you get there, you're a success story. If you haven't lost all the weight you want to lose in that time, you're probably not going to do it. If you still have a lot of weight to lose at that point, it's best to take several months to maintain the weight you've shed, then try another six-month diet.”

I feel like this is pretty much all over the news at present, the fact that it boils down to calories in vs. calories expended, and that low fat isn't superior to low carb isn't superior to raw food only, etc. (Now, I do think that intermittent fasting fires up the body in a different way than plain old calorie restriction, I'll say that. But it is still a form of calorie restriction, which means it is a viable means of losing weight but the studies haven't given it the crown for being superior to the others.)

Anyway, I have gotten to that point. It's not new anymore in week 20 or 21, you know? It sounded great to lose 12 pounds in 10 weeks, but the same 12 pounds 8 weeks later after 20 weeks of effort starts to sound old. I'm no longer motivated by my initial starting point, and by what I've achieved thus far. My original drive has waned, and I've been coasting for quite a while now.

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Now playing: Muse - Apocalypse Please
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This is getting old.

Have been sick for a week now, with the flu—aches, congestion (snot like glue, TMI?), and generally feeling poorly. I'm functional, I can get up and make meals for the peeps in the house and I'm ambulatory, but I just feel wiped out all the time. After a shower I feel like I need to rest an hour or two. :-/ I'm getting tired of not feeling well, and I'm getting tired of being well enough that I can't just take a day off in bed.

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