Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I made it through!

First fast (in the current series) behind me! Breakfast this morning was scrumptious. Food always tastes better after I've fasted. And I tell you what, when I'm skipping up to six meals per week, I'm always certain that the ones I eat are good and worth the calories.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Always on square one

...is better than never starting at all?

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I say, “I look all right. I look okay. For a woman who has had seven children, I’m not bad at all.” I am pretty average.
Other times, I remember when I weighed 140 right around the time of my high school reunion, I look at those pictures, and I’m not nearly so contented with my current state.

Sometimes it’s so easy for me to adhere to smaller portions, to counting and reducing calories, to periodic fasting.
Other times, I get a twinge of hunger and my brain starts to shout YOU’RE REALLY HUNGRY! EAT! FOOD ISN’T BAD! and I think, that’s true, food isn’t bad. And I eat. And I’m usually pretty empty from fasting or eating tiny portions so I eat a lot.

Sometimes I get a little jealous about all those women in Hollywood who have a lot of money and can just plastic surgery their way through the 25 pounds I want to lose.
Other times, I get a little angry that I feel like I want to look like them at all, that I’ve bought into the arbitrary and unrealistic body standard they portray.

Sometimes I’m so glad I bought a Spanx body shaper, and figured out how to modify it so it worked for me. It goes from right beneath my bra to my mid-thigh, and it does wonders! But it didn't stay up very well. So I sewed on thick elastic straps, and now it’s perfect.
Other times, I wish I’d had this Spanx body shaper at 140 pounds, for my reunion. I only had a tiny bit of tummy then. Holy cow, I bet I would have looked great.

Sometimes I am beyond faithful with exercise—pushing myself to improve, not content with doing as much as I did yesterday. Sometimes I focus on cardio (jogging and walking), sometimes on strength training. For the last four months of the school year and hectic kid schedules I thought, “I can’t wait for summer I can’t wait for summer I can exercise every day!”
Other times, I wonder what the point is. Or I want sleep more than I want exercise. After more than a month building up to a really good speed and distance, for the last three weeks I haven’t exercised at all. This morning I got dressed for it, but here I am writing instead. And I’d sort of like to go back to bed.



Last night I decided I’d give a 24-hour fast a shot. Eat Stop Eat has worked for me before, and I know it can work again, if I can get around my sabotaging brain. If I can just train my brain to remember that food is merely fuel for my body, and that I’m not the meanest thing ever for not eating. If I can push past the few early first fasts, that are filled with hunger pangs, and get to those later fasts where skipping food is no big deal.

So I didn’t eat dinner, and made it just fine. This morning my stomach is protesting, and once again I didn’t exercise. So many excuses. But even if I don’t do everything, I can do something. Fingers crossed I can be strong.

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Now playing: Muse - Resistance