Blergh.

Was hungrier than usual today, so I decided to make it an intentional indulgence day. The theory of an indulgence day is that the extra calories rev up my metabolism, help me to burn more calories, and freak out my body so it doesn't get too used to any one thing.

So I ate lunch today. Yummy.

And then I ate chocolate and nuts.

And now I feel like crap. Like crap. Was that particular indulgence worth it, it ask you? I think not. I'm no bulemic—oh my josh, I'd rather do anything than throw up—but at times like this I feel the tiniest twinge of sympathy with them. Where's my undo button?

Square one.

I'd moan and thrash about having to start over yet again, but I suppose instead I should rejoice. Right? Opportunities to do things we want to, even things we've done before (sigh) keep coming around. Yay. And right now I have an opportunity to turn my eating life around.

In addition to my renewed vigor for exercise, I've changed up what I'm doing with food. I agree with Brad Pilon that a really valid way to cut out calories is just not to eat sometimes. Food is merely fuel for my body, though I cling to it desperately for a number of other reasons (joy, celebration, socializing, comforting, etc.). Here are two short posts that underline what I'm trying to say:
Food is just fuel
Food is food, it's that simple
So right now I'm fasting one meal every single day: lunch.

• My blood sugar stays a little more stable if I'm eating every day.
  
• I don't get so desperately hungry, because I know I get dinner.
  
• (This might be the best part.) My daily weight loss graph line is a lot more stable than with full 24-hour fasts.

When I was doing full-day fasts with Eat Stop Eat, on a fast day I'd lose 4+ pounds, and then on my following eating day gain back 3.8. Weighing once a week the general weight trend was downward, but it sure went up and down and everywhere daily. This way I get to see a lot gentler but more constant feedback. I'm not losing 4 pounds in one day (shucks!) but I'm not gaining back, either.

(For four whole days now, let's see how it goes in the longer run.)

Here's to new beginnings! Again!

The comfortable, slippery slope

I really let my strength training go by the wayside. Truth is, I like cardio better. So I rebelled. And then I fell off a ladder painting the house and couldn't exercise for a while (but not as long as I didn't exercise, you know how it is). Meanwhile, I ate and ate and ate, lots more calories than I needed.

So where am I today? Horrified. I'd have to lose ten pounds before I could even tell you how much I weigh. I've only weighed this much once before in my non-pregnant life, after the birth of my third baby. I don't know why I struggled so to lose weight after she was born, but I know that the pictures of me holding her as a baby don't even look like me.

If I took pictures of me now, I'd probably think the same.

This was truly a case of letting myself go, of eating whatever I want and damn the consequences. Which only works for so long, then I look in the mirror and the consequences damn me.

Exercised this morning, did strength training on my legs and my abs. I don't know how I got so wimpy, but at least I made the first fledgling steps.