Diminishing Returns

Counting calories

2011-08-01T10:56:00.000-06:00

I've spoken here before about SparkPeople. Counting calories was never manageable for me until I discovered SparkPeople, but now it couldn't be easier.

Here's a truth about me, and maybe about many other people as well: if I eat something sweet or unplanned, I mentally tend to say, "I've screwed up now, I may as well eat anything I want." I feel bad about eating it, and my guilt and feelings of failure push me toward emotional eating as a band-aid for the unplanned eating. It can be vicious.

Here's a truth about calorie counting: when I own up to eating those two lemon cookies (as I did yesterday at lunch, unplanned) and factor them into my calories, it's so much better than my mind made it out to be. An extra 220 calories? This is manageable. It means I have to eat a little less at my following meal, and it means I might go over my daily calories by 100, but it is so much less a catastrophe than my mind tried to convince me it was.

Counting calories and being honest on my food log helped me to avoid going overboard on food yesterday due to guilt. Writing it down, looking at it, and honestly assessing the damage is a great tool. No wonder food journaling has been such an important weight loss tool to so many people for so long!

Back and forth. Up and down.

2011-06-02T08:47:00.000-06:00

I'll start by saying this: I'm at peace with me. I bore seven babies, I love food, I move my body, I am what I am.

I have gained and lost 10 pounds quite a few times now. I start, I think I'm on a roll, I level off, I maintain, eventually I gain. I probably have more starting over posts in this sad little blog than I have anything else.

I have a goal, an actual goal. I've never set one of those before, to lose X by date Y. I went to a number of BMR calculators to see how many calories I should (theoretically) eat in a day to accomplish it. But I made my goal reasonable, 1.5 pounds per week, and it's going to be a long haul to get where I'm going. Anything worth doing is worth doing over the long haul; but though it may be simple, that doesn't mean it is easy.

I've removed exercise from the equation. That doesn't mean that I don't do it—on the contrary, I love exercise. It just means that I don't expect it to affect the scale. A good exercise week will not equate to a bigger loss, a specific kind of exercise will not be more magical than other exercise. So I do what I feel like doing every day. I move, I watch the sun inch up over the mountains, I saunter around my neighborhood, I do push ups and lift weights. However much, whenever I want, without the compulsion that this will contribute to a big loss on the scale. As long as it contributes to my feeling of well-being, that's all I want.

And I do feel well. I feel happy, healthy, and balanced.

My new jam

2011-02-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

My current weight loss comes courtesy of EET, which is personal online coaching. I'm in frequent contact with "Mr. EET" Jon Pearlstone—he goes over my weekly schedule with me, my forecast of what I'm going to eat/when, and when and what I'll do for exercise. He makes suggestions and tweaks based on what he knows from his own experience and from coaching others. This is new to me; I've never had a coach before. But it has been valuable, because for the first time ever all food is allowed in this weight loss plan.

I've been all over the map with weight loss. I've counted calories. I've counted fat grams and fiber grams. I've done intermittent fasting. I've done food combining, which is basically not combining foods that don't digest well together, like carbs and protein, in the same meal. I've refused to count calories, and instead counted food exchanges or portion sizes. I've gone off sugar. I've limited my sugar. I've denied myself. I've rewarded myself. I've sneaked. I've eaten whatever I wanted, thrown my hands up, and said, "To heck with today, I'll start again tomorrow."

With every previous diet, a treat or a day of big portions would usually throw me into a tailspin of sorts; I'd "punish" myself for my slip and be all the stricter in the days following. Usually, that would end up being the kiss of death for that particular weight loss effort. I have a hard time living with perpetual guilt, and an easy time living with eating chocolate whenever I want. Strict is disheartening, and it is difficult to maintain in the long run. And if I just quit weighing myself, I don't even know what the chocolate is doing to me.

Side note on my psychological make up: if I go all strict on myself, and I stick with it and do perfectly and deny myself, and then don't see a measurable loss by the end of the week, I go a little wee bit nutso. If all that denial and difficulty didn't yield a loss, then my brain gives me no reason to continue. In fact, my brain gives me no reason to not go inhale without mastication all the delicious foods in my kitchen.

The good part about EET is that the treats are built in. Mr. EET insists upon them! Every day I must eat something that I consider a delicious treat. I get to eat my favorite foods all the time, there's nothing that I need to save for special occasions, or that I have to deny myself and think, "Maybe when I've lost the weight I can eat that again." Everything is allowed. Which is the key to sustainability. And treats are the key to fun. It is magical, knowing I don't have to deny myself of anything; I may not be able to eat something that tempts me right then, at that very moment, but I never have to feel desperate because I can easily build whatever I want to eat into my meals sometime within 24 hours, and I can enjoy it just as much as I think I will. :) It takes Herculean self control to say, "I'll never eat my favorite chocolate chocolate doughnut again!" And it leads to failure. But it doesn't take nearly as much will power, almost none in fact, to say, "Mmm, delicious! I'll eat this after lunch tomorrow!" and just wait a few hours, knowing I get the whole yumzers thing.

So that's my new jam: internet coaching, and eating all my favorite foods every day. And so far, it's working out. I lost 10.2 pounds between 7 November and 31 January, and 7 of those were with the help of EET. I'm in a groove again, and really excited about it. :)

Twinkie diet helps nutrition professor lose 27 pounds

2010-11-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

Haub's "bad" cholesterol, or LDL, dropped 20 percent and his "good" cholesterol, or HDL, increased by 20 percent. He reduced the level of triglycerides, which are a form of fat, by 39 percent.

"That's where the head scratching comes," Haub said. "What does that mean? Does that mean I'm healthier? Or does it mean how we define health from a biology standpoint, that we're missing something?"
Twinkie diet helps nutrition professor lose 27 pounds - CNN.com

An interesting article, though it can't be called a "study". I did read the results of a study last week that directly contradicted this one, that found that the composition of calories was very important. If I can relocate it, I'll add it below.

But I still find this interesting. This should definitely serve as proof that no form of calorie reduction is more valid than another, that any way of cutting calories can give a good outcome. (!)

Support group

2010-11-08T09:04:00.004-07:00

My eldest daughter got her driver's license at the end of August. It was a game changer for me. Now instead of having my morning schedule revolve around getting her to school and my afternoon-making dinner schedule revolve around getting her home, I have a lot more time to myself. I don't have to wake up early enough to get in strength training + cardio before I take her to school/make breakfast/start homeschool; it's like a miracle how I just have to wake up early enough to do strength training before getting the other kids up, and then just before I make breakfast I can go out for a really quick run while they clean their rooms, and then in the afternoons I can go out for a longer uphill walk.

I've been doing this since the beginning of September, and I feel incredible. My running endurance has increased. (I don't have high aspirations in the first place, I probably only want to be able to run 2 miles or so.) I run every day instead of taking rest days. I have hardly missed a day of strength training.

But I haven't dropped a single pound. In fact, weighing myself yesterday, I may have gained one. Sigh.

So I found a couple of weight loss support groups on LiveJournal. My old one no longer exists so I have to start out with a new group and try to get to know people and make a place for myself, but hopefully it will become something good. And I signed up for a challenge—between now and 31 December to lose weight rather than gain it. I'm hoping that little bit of accountability to a group outside of me will help nudge me in the right direction.

I already have good exercise habits established, and I'm making progress. This morning I ran a little farther than my minimum and still felt amazing; the only thing that made me stop was that I had to get home to the kids and make breakfast. This is really exciting to me!

But I need to work on my intake. So my goal is to track food @ SparkPeople for the next six weeks. I'm really out of the habit so it will be something new. And hopefully it will shine a light on what I need to do to make this all work.

Starting weight: 169.4 pounds. Good luck me!

I made it through!

2010-08-11T09:07:00.001-06:00

First fast (in the current series) behind me! Breakfast this morning was scrumptious. Food always tastes better after I've fasted. And I tell you what, when I'm skipping up to six meals per week, I'm always certain that the ones I eat are good and worth the calories.

Always on square one

2010-08-10T08:55:00.002-06:00

...is better than never starting at all?

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I say, “I look all right. I look okay. For a woman who has had seven children, I’m not bad at all.” I am pretty average.
Other times, I remember when I weighed 140 right around the time of my high school reunion, I look at those pictures, and I’m not nearly so contented with my current state.

Sometimes it’s so easy for me to adhere to smaller portions, to counting and reducing calories, to periodic fasting.
Other times, I get a twinge of hunger and my brain starts to shout YOU’RE REALLY HUNGRY! EAT! FOOD ISN’T BAD! and I think, that’s true, food isn’t bad. And I eat. And I’m usually pretty empty from fasting or eating tiny portions so I eat a lot.

Sometimes I get a little jealous about all those women in Hollywood who have a lot of money and can just plastic surgery their way through the 25 pounds I want to lose.
Other times, I get a little angry that I feel like I want to look like them at all, that I’ve bought into the arbitrary and unrealistic body standard they portray.

Sometimes I’m so glad I bought a Spanx body shaper, and figured out how to modify it so it worked for me. It goes from right beneath my bra to my mid-thigh, and it does wonders! But it didn't stay up very well. So I sewed on thick elastic straps, and now it’s perfect.
Other times, I wish I’d had this Spanx body shaper at 140 pounds, for my reunion. I only had a tiny bit of tummy then. Holy cow, I bet I would have looked great.

Sometimes I am beyond faithful with exercise—pushing myself to improve, not content with doing as much as I did yesterday. Sometimes I focus on cardio (jogging and walking), sometimes on strength training. For the last four months of the school year and hectic kid schedules I thought, “I can’t wait for summer I can’t wait for summer I can exercise every day!”
Other times, I wonder what the point is. Or I want sleep more than I want exercise. After more than a month building up to a really good speed and distance, for the last three weeks I haven’t exercised at all. This morning I got dressed for it, but here I am writing instead. And I’d sort of like to go back to bed.

Last night I decided I’d give a 24-hour fast a shot. Eat Stop Eat has worked for me before, and I know it can work again, if I can get around my sabotaging brain. If I can just train my brain to remember that food is merely fuel for my body, and that I’m not the meanest thing ever for not eating. If I can push past the few early first fasts, that are filled with hunger pangs, and get to those later fasts where skipping food is no big deal.

So I didn’t eat dinner, and made it just fine. This morning my stomach is protesting, and once again I didn’t exercise. So many excuses. But even if I don’t do everything, I can do something. Fingers crossed I can be strong.

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Now playing: Muse - Resistance

A beginning is a very delicate time*

2010-05-27T09:48:00.002-06:00

It strikes me this morning that the beginning is the hardest part. It's hardest to cut back on portions and step up exercise in the very beginning stage, when it's all deprivation and no reward. Later with some pound loss under your belt (so to speak, ha ha) it can kind of self-perpetuate, success begets will power which begets continued effort and continued results. But those first steps, where you're doing it and there's been no payoff yet, that's the part where it's hard not to eat the theoretical PopTarts in the cupboard.

* A line spoken by Princess Irulan in the movie Dune. I'm such a nerd.

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Now playing: Muse - Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever)

Keeping on

2010-05-26T17:43:00.002-06:00

I think all is going pretty well.

The plan: to fast breakfast and lunch three days a week (six meals, that's the same as fasting two 24-hour periods, right?). Physiologically it might not be quite the same, since different hormones are secreted with longer fasts; but in terms of calorie-reduction I think it works out the same. And it has the benefit of allowing me to eat dinner with my family every night. Fasting dinners was somewhat difficult to explain to my children.

Fasted two yesterday, eating today, fasting two tomorrow. Exercising. Hoping for good things. Not weighing until Sunday, because I don't want to go "WHAT?!" and have it sabotage me.

New goal: to be able to run 1.5 miles without any walking. Did a mile yesterday, so excited about that. Trying to build.

limping along

2010-05-21T06:12:00.002-06:00

I should be exercising.

I fasted two meals yesterday, which I thought would make a measurable difference in my weight this morning. But I weigh about .8 pound more than the last time I weighed. Funny how that stupid number—and I know how sketchy weight is as a measure of progress—has taken the wind out of my sails this morning.

So stupid.

Because I feel great! I'm doing so well!

This is why I should weigh in no more than once a week, ever. And also! I should not care! Seriously, what is the big deal about .8 pounds?

Hungry today

2010-05-20T16:27:00.002-06:00

Not unmanageably so, but my stomach is making its empty presence known. Still, I feel great about how the week has gone—not eating sugar, not craving sugar, subsisting on controlled portions, lots of great exercise. It's a good beginning.

Hope like crazy it's sustainable. Going camping tomorrow—can I resist the smores and keep my portions low? I'd love to see a loss at the end of week one, and not gain back whatever I've managed to lose thus far.

Life I love you. All is groovy!

2010-05-19T07:48:00.002-06:00

Feeling insanely good this morning. Did 35 minutes of cardio before I woke the kids up, and then went out and ran a half mile afterward. Half mile isn't much, but there was a light rain falling and it just felt so good to push myself a wee bit harder than I already had. Abs work yet to come.

Down about five pounds since Sunday morning's weigh in.

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Now playing: Simon & Garfunkel - The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)

Finding my limits

2010-05-18T18:38:00.004-06:00

So I fasted two meals Sunday (total calories ~500) and walked about a bit, expending more than sedentary would.

I fasted two meals Monday (total calories a bit less than 500) and exercised about double what I usually would. My energy level, despite the previous and current day's fast, was fantastic yesterday.

I was going to eat only fruit leading up to my evening meal today, as a sort of cleanse. Tried to exercise, but could only do about 30 minutes of cardio and really pooped out during strength training. And I got light-headed around 3:00 and decided I needed to eat a meal.

Lesson learned: Just barely over 1000 calories is not enough nutrition to sustain me into the third day.

Lesson number two: I lost a total of about four pounds in two days. That's a good beginning. Am weakish right now, and looking forward to a good, filling dinner.

Oddly, am not struggling with hunger pangs or cravings. No sugar three days now, though the cupboard is full of it. *shrug* I never know why things go well, I'm just glad they do.

So I guess I feel like writing

2010-05-17T21:01:00.004-06:00

Weighed myself Sunday morning, the result being the most I have ever weighed non-pregnant: 167 pounds. This exceeds my previous highest high by four pounds.

Yesterday I fasted two meals, with nary a problem. Took a long walk with the kids after church.

This morning's weigh in: 165.6. Today I also fasted two meals, no problem. Did more than an hour of cardio, plus upper body weight training.

So excited for summer, when I get a little more time to myself. I can't maybe keep up that much exercise, but I can be more consistent.

Hopefully, hopefully this is the beginning of something long term and subtractive. I feel amazingly good this evening, really full of energy though I've had less than 1000 calories in 48 hours.

Wish I could predict. Would love to get back down to 140; 130 feels like a pipe dream at this point.

How Sugar Ages Your Skin - Prevention.com

2010-05-04T11:15:00.001-06:00

...Experts now believe that a lifetime of overeating sugar can make skin dull and wrinkled
How Sugar Ages Your Skin - Prevention.com

Dag nab it. I sugar is still pretty much my favorite food group. Guess now I have to kick my cravings for the greater good.

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Now playing: Broken Bells - The High Road
via FoxyTunes

It's always a roller coaster, isn't it?

2010-03-16T20:02:00.004-06:00

I'm at my highest non-pregnant weight. I've been here once before, and my body likes this weight. Loves it, maybe. I'm very stable here, I can eat a lot and not gain; but I can also eat a little, and not lose.
I have, therefore, 20 pounds to lose, to get to a good weight for me. My deepest desire would be 30 pounds, but I've never accomplished that weight, ever, for all my trying.
I've been exercising faithfully for about six weeks now, after a fairly long hiatus. My aerobic capacity is slowly increasing, and my strength is increasing as well. Just bought a few new strength training DVDs to help me mix stuff up a little.
Have been doing quite well in recent weeks on portion control, and eating less.
Made the mistake last week of weighing myself to see if all this exercise and careful eating has had any effect. I haven't budged so much as an ounce after more than a month of effort.
So Friday and Saturday I ate pretty much everything in sight, indulged in all my favorites. Delicious!
And then I realized what I was doing. Same old thing; if I don't see the results I think I should, I don't have the willpower to keep going. I inhale the baby, the bathwater, and everything else edible; since eating less didn't work, why not eat all I want?
So I'm back in the saddle more or less, and I'm not going to weigh myself. Because it's all a mind game. I want to eat well and exercise no matter what the results, and I don't want to lose control if there's no obvious difference on the scale.
Back when I started Eat Stop Eat and I didn't see results as quickly as I wanted, I determined that a 24-hour fast (say, from 6pm Mon - 6pm Tue) wasn't working for me. I was basically only fasting two meals because I'd begin my fast after eating lunch one day and end it before eating lunch the next. Wasn't working. So I started fasting calendar days instead, e.g. fasting all three meals on Tuesday.
The that ceased to work for me. Fasting became almost as much of a mind game as weighing was—me negotiating mentally with myself, or breaking down after two fasted meals and saying, "But food isn't bad!" while I consumed an entire day's calories.
I don't know why it took me so long—more than a year!—to remember the original form of Eat Stop Eat, but I decided yesterday after lunch to try again. So I fasted last night's dinner, this morning's breakfast, and today's lunch. Three meals. It was easy! I didn't even actually get hungry, though I wanted food.
The best part was, as Brad Pilon says, I got to eat on each day. I knew I could start yesterday because I'd already had two meals I really enjoyed; I knew I could make it through today because I could look forward to a delicious dinner. So perhaps, perhaps, I'm back in ESE business. We'll see.
Husband can't do Eat Stop Eat well at all, he gets migraine-level headaches when he fasts. He kept trying, did like 20 fasts with this debilitating head pain. (Going without food isn't an issue at all, in fact he finds it a relief not to have to think about meals. If only he could see through the blinding head pain.) Finally I told him that I certainly wouldn't do something that made me suffer so terribly, if it was only one of many options to accomplish a weight loss goal.

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Now playing: Muse - Easily

Excellent articles

2010-02-08T12:40:00.003-07:00

http://blog.nutritiondata.com/ndblog/2010/01/snacks-now-account-for-a-quarter-of-daily-calories.html

This is a fantastic article about how we should be eating, and the two articles linked within it are even better. For ease:

Eating frequently does not rev your metabolism: http://nutritiondiva.quickanddirtytips.com/metabolism-myths.aspx

Go longer between meals: http://nutritiondiva.quickanddirtytips.com/eating-frequently.aspx

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Now playing: OK Go - This Too Shall Pass

This is everything it's cracked up to be!

2010-01-23T12:42:00.005-07:00

Weighed myself for the first time in months and months this morning. Was within one pound of where I suspected I was.

I'm giving two thumbs way, way up for food combining so far. I'm staying full between meals, I'm eating less, and I have no cravings. I have cookies and chocolate in the cupboard, and they are so not an issue, which is nigh unto miraculous considering how I binged on sugar last weekend and the beginning of this week. I should still be having to muscle through withdrawals. Nope.

Onward!

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Now playing: A Fine Frenzy - You Picked Me

Even on day one, it worked.

2010-01-21T19:49:00.004-07:00

Quite a bit more energy today. Even after completing entire arms workout this a.m., I was able to go out and walk/jog just before lunch. Felt full all day. No cravings to speak of until now; now I want a little sugar, but it's so slight I can resist. Drank lots of water.

Successful first day; of course, the success could all be in my head. But the head is half the battle, right? Hope I can spin it into successful longer period. :)

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Now playing: Muse - Hyper Chondriac Music

Would that my electronic life were easily portable!

2010-01-21T08:48:00.004-07:00

This weight loss blog has been around since 18 October 2008, but my efforts have been going on a much longer time than that. Over on my LiveJournal (which is my main blog, and not publicly accessible because I protect many of my entries) I've been talking about weight loss for a very long time. Two of my seven babies were born while I have been blogging, so naturally there's some weight loss discussion there. I had a 20-year high school reunion. And I had, just the regular maintenance and mini-battles with the three pounds I kept gaining and losing.

In fact if you read my LJ, you might see how much I fixated on a certain number, how my spirits fell if I didn't lose after a week of being good, how I struggled, how I succeeded. There are three things that really made me lose weight: Eat Stop Eat with the periodic fasting, counting calories at SparkPeople.com, and food combining.

I haven't talked about food combining at all in this blog, because it's a thing of my past. When I had just barely birthed baby #7 and was looking to drop that weight, I was really cautious about how I went about it. I wanted to be sure that I fed him properly and gave him all the nutrition he needed, without giving myself too much nutrition. I'd fallen into that trap before, eating too much and gaining weight in the name of feeding the baby.

So I downloaded an e-book called Breastfeed Your Way Thin which turned out to be one of the best things I'd ever done. It was a sensible plan anyone on any diet (even a vegan, like I was at the time) could follow, because it's all about food combining—eating foods in certain combinations.

That's the flash back. Here's the present day.

I've been half-heartedly counting calories for a few weeks now, and trying a little bit to fast now and then. Neither has been terribly effective because I kind of jump ship and eat without recording or break my fast. But what has been effective, is that I'm in my third week of consistent strength training. It's just a tiny little routine, Mondays and Thursdays I work arms, Tuesdays and Fridays legs/butt, and Wednesdays abs. But the consistency is what's important.

For two full weeks and M-W of this week I struggled with energy levels. I just could hardly make it through half of a decent workout before I was exhausted. Gradually my muscles have been less sore after workouts, but always I lifted or squatted or whatever to the point of shaky and fatigue.

(The good news is, this morning I was finally able to finish the entire arms workout. Here's hoping I get the same thing tomorrow with the legs/butt!)

Anyway, energy has been a huge struggle for me. I'm tired because I'm getting up a lot earlier to exercise, and I'm exhausted and fatigued after strength training.

And this morning, I remembered an entry I'd made years ago when I was faithfully following Breastfeed Your Way Thin and combining my foods. This is from January 24, 2006—almost exactly four years ago today. Hmm, interesting.

From Breastfeed Your Way Thin by Shannon Crawford, regarding food combining:

"One thing I do know from direct experience is that many of us have a tendency to rely on food for emotional support: we eat to feel better. Before I came upon food combining, this was a recurring theme for me. I would feel bad, eat junk food to distraction, then feel bad about that and repeat the cycle. But when I started my program, within a few days my moods had improved significantly. I really couldn't believe how much happier I felt.

"Many people who have adopted food combining have stated that they feel much happier with life, they experience less stress, and feel better overall. I am not clear as to why we experience this, but it might have something to do with the increased energy we feel. Or perhaps with better nutrition and health our hormones are better regulated, resulting in improved, more stable moods. Regardless, the direct result of this is very clear; when we feel better, we turn less to food and more to life."

I had noticed over the last, say, half a week or perhaps more, that I was having a startling lack of food cravings and temptations. All I've been wanting is my healthy food, and I haven't been foraging through the treat cupboard for leftover Christmas candy or anything. I haven't heard the doughnuts calling me from inside the convenience store when I go to gas up the car. And then I thought, "Not only am I not having cravings, my mood is incredibly stable." And then I thought, "Hmm, and my energy level is good, too."

And then I reread this part in the book yesterday. Can I blame it all on food combining? I don't know, but I do feel remarkably peaceful and content, even though I'm eating slightly smaller portions and making an effort to avoid treats.

In fact, that was more positive things than I remembered, I was just thinking about the energy levels. It knocks out cravings too?

So I was thinking about this this morning, and decided to go for it. I'll brush up on my food combining this morning—it's been years, after all—and I'll see if I can get that boost in energy, mood, and the ability to withstand cravings that I need right now. Just had a huge glass of fruit smoothie for breakfast. I can eat a couple of pieces of toast between breakfast and lunch. Crossing my fingers.

Not bad for a first day.

2010-01-04T19:02:00.002-07:00

Portions: controlled.

Calories: very acceptable.

Exercise: also went walking and jogging for about 20 minutes.

Not much, but it's a start.

Feelin' Groovy

2010-01-04T09:23:00.003-07:00

This morning just feels different. But then, lots of mornings feel different, and I'm diving head first into the chocolate before lunchtime.

I haven't exercised for a while. Why? I don't know; I had shoulder injuries that made strength training difficult. And I kept trying to change up my strength training and ended up hating it (I like cardio better anyway), but since I'm still intellectually convinced that strength training is way more effective than cardio with respect to changing a body, and since the roads are snow-covered outside...

I haven't exercised in a while. But last week I began to change. I did great cardio three mornings. And this morning I woke up bright and early and did a quite good upper body strength workout that has me still, and hour later, very shaky in the shoulders and arms. (Shaky in a good way.) Good portion control at breakfast. Crossing my fingers that this is the beginning of something, because even my big pants are tight now after the indulgent holiday season I had.

Haven't weighed in months, and I have no intention to. But I do want to exercise, and eat less. Let's see where this goes.

Well, after all this time....

2009-12-27T07:39:00.004-07:00

...and all these holidays, I'm almost motivated to do something about where I am. This post is sort of like an AA meeting: "Hi, my name is Alyson, and I'm thinking about trying to lose weight again." Despite how OK I had been with my weight and how I look, I find I am not looking forward to going to the family after-Christmas party tonight. I don't feel as okay today as I did last month. It's probably because of all the really great sweets I've eaten these last few days, or weeks. I feel like I'm not my best.

One, two, three...

2009-12-02T14:28:00.003-07:00

I'm on my second day of counting calories. I'm not going to weigh myself, because (1) I still don't care what I weigh, and (2) it always psyches me out (if I don't lose weight after counting calories, I eat more the next week and undo all the good work).

I don't want to obsess over what I eat; but neither do I want to feel out of control, like I'm eating the whole world every time I sit down to the table. Was feeling just a little powerless, and this is my way to get the power back.

Am a little hungry (because I left at least half the world unconsumed at lunchtime). But just a little. Retraining the body, retraining the mind.

Lookee! There's an entire world beyond the end of my nose.

2009-11-11T15:20:00.003-07:00

Do you ever get tired of obsessing? Of fixating? Of having something be more important than almost everything else, all out of proportion.

I am.

I have no idea what I weigh. Haven't weighed myself in months.

And miracle of miracles, I like how I look, even though I'm guessing I'm 20 pounds more than my best weight (where I wasn't quite satisfied with how I looked). I accept the truth of me.

I got tired of thinking of how much I weigh.
I got tired of fixating on a number. "I could be happy, if only..."
I got tired of feeling guilt about eating.
I got tired of feeing out of control.
I got tired of looking at the clock and the portions and trying to fit everything together like a puzzle instead of a meal.

Food is fuel. No more, no less.

I'm lovin' it.

2009-10-12T11:37:00.003-06:00

I know it makes for a boring blog, to say, "I'm still in the same place. I don't care if I lose a pound." But it feels great. And it's huge, really huge—for me to be larger than what I've always considered "ideal" and to be contented here...it's very freeing. And very healthy, I think.

Last week I spent an hour or so on the SparkPeople website reading blog entry after blog entry. These were written by fitness professionals who compared their post-pregnancy bellies to "rising bread dough" (boy, do I identify with that one!) and who, despite being a very good weight for their height, have cellulite that makes them not wear swimsuits in public. Entry after entry convinced me (again) that the current view of the female body is so unhealthy. We look at the stars on the magazine covers fully knowing that they are photoshopped, they have personal chefs, they have personal trainers, and they can literally devote their lives to having those bodies (which still need to be touched up when photographed) and while our brains say, "Not real!" our emotions say, "I want to look like that!" We set up a mental ideal that is impossible to achieve, but think that if we just exercise enough or cut out enough food we'll get there.

And then when we see the stars in their natural form—in swimsuits on vacation or whatever—and see that they really do have lumps, cellulite, and imperfections, the magazines mock them and rip them to shreds. This can only cement our notion that perfection is somehow (a) achievable by all, and (b) keep-up-able 100% of the time, can't it? We expect the stars to do it, we should be able to do it too.

(Here's a link to get you started, if you want to immerse yourself in these wonderful posts: http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=i_profess_that_i_love_to_confess)

Do we even remember what a real body looks like? There are websites full of pictures. If you've searched out and seen the real tummies and real thighs, tell the truth: were you grossed out by the dimples? Or did you feel camaraderie? Did you think, "Maybe I'm more okay this way than I thought I was?"

So what's new since I took a flying leap off the wagon?

I'm not weighing myself at all. I have long known what a mind job that weight on the scale is. If I've been working hard all week and it hasn't budged, I get depressed and start inhaling the doughnuts while saying, "Evidently eating less doesn't help! No matter how hard I try nothing makes a difference!" If I've lost weight that's encouragement in itself; if I haven't lost, it just bums me out and makes me overindulge. I may weigh once a month now, or something. But daily and weekly weighing is right out. I just don't need to drag myself into that game.
I'm keeping a paper food diary of what I eat. Not counting calories, not trying to meet any minimums or maximums, just tracking. Tracking has always worked for me. It helps me, somehow, to control my intake. If I don't want to write down that third cookie, I don't eat it. Tracking keeps me honest.
I'm eating less, genuinely. I guess I had turned into a mass of emotions and needs and I was trying to tame everything by eating it. Letting go of weight expectations, letting go of the emotion of what's on the scale, has enabled me to let go of trying to comfort myself with this or punish myself with skipping that. I don't have to overfeed, I don't have to overcompensate. I'm a lot closer to that zen relationship with food—that it is merely fuel for my engine, it is not best friend or social companion or crutch or comforter.
I'm eating less sugar. It goes hand in hand with #3, but it's still notable.

Those are all really positive changes. I'm so at peace with my body. Grateful to it, even, for being so healthy. My body has never stopped me from doing anything I wanted to. How great is that?

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Now playing: Paramore - Misery Business
via FoxyTunes

Who are you, and what have you done with slightly neurotic Alyson?

2009-09-21T12:35:00.005-06:00

Is this success, or failure? I don't even know, to be truthful.

I mentioned that my husband and I had spent hours and hours discussing the current societal view of beauty, the realities of me having borne seven children, and what clothes look good on my current body.

The change in my psyche since that conversation has been, I have to say it, pretty profound. Suddenly I don't care about losing weight. I don't care if I ever do. My desire to be a tight, hard little size 8 or 6 is gone, gone as surely as if it never existed. It's only been a couple of weeks, but I see everyone very differently than I did just two weeks ago. I'm more accepting of personal variations. I think there is a flattering way to dress for every body type, and that if someone looks bad at their weight it is possibly/probably because they're not wearing the right sorts of clothes.

I have some cute clothes now, in the size I currently am. They look pretty good on me, and I look pretty good in them—I guess it's a symbiotic relationship. :) And for the moment I feel free from the pressure I put on myself to chase an ideal that is unreachable (except through plastic surgery and photoshop).

Does that mean I never want to lose another ounce? Nah. But it means I'm going to be happier with myself right where I am. And I'm going to be less focused on weigh-ins. And I'll be contented with small losses or losses that take a long time, rather than feeling like I'll only really be happy if I manage to lose 20 pounds this week. Even though I know that's impossible, I've felt that way before. It's dumb.

I know I could eat less and survive nicely. I know I consume more calories than a 120-pound body needs, or one that weighs 130 or even 140. So some days I'll eat less. I'll try to limit portions, and stop eating when I'm full—listen less to my tastebuds and more to my satisfied stomach. I'll try to limit empty calories, not eat so much sugar. And I'll weigh myself when I feel like it, and not worry about it when I don't. For the time being, I'm not a slave to public opinion. That's a good place to be.

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Now playing: Doves - Kingdom of Rust
via FoxyTunes

Shout-out to Angela

2009-09-21T11:32:00.003-06:00

Having a conversation with Angela, who commented on my last post.

First could you explain a bit more when you mean you didn't touch your metabolism? As in you never felt a change etc?

I mean that it functioned the same before, during, and afterward. I didn't cause it damage, I didn't slow it down or speed it up. People are so afraid of "ruining" their metabolisms and entering starvation mode. I don't believe it. I believe they're not experiencing the quick loss they want, so they make up other excuses for it like starvation mode or slow metabolism or I lost three pounds of fat but gained two pounds of muscle.

I also can understand what you are saying about not believing in the whole idea of starvation mode but I can't get behind it 100% as i do agree we are resilient but at the same time we are primal and really not that far removed in the scale of life from our primitive ancestors.

We may have to agree to disagree on this one, because to me it sounds like more excuses. It's been millenia and millenia. If we believe that our bodies are adaptable and have evolved since then, why would we claim they haven't adapted or evolved after all, just because our pattern of losing changes?

Losing weight is undoubtedly a complex process, much less predictable than a table in a spreadsheet, I won't lie. I never have the results I predict or hope for. But I know if I eat less, I lose, even if I can't predict how much. And it has nothing to do with ancient history. It has to do with whether we're getting adequate food. Are we? Almost certainly. There are extreme cases under which people are starved, but I don't think any of us [I guess I speak of people without eating disorders] are in those conditions.

But what makes me think you may be right about starvation is I had gastric bypass almost a year and a half ago. I was 366 and am now 190-184 depending on scale, time of week, etc. I went from losing thirty lbs a month, twenty, lbs etc to just 1-3 a month in the last three months.

Congratulations on your fantastic loss!

though I have severly fallen off the wagon as far as excercise! I am trying to find my mojo again and really is there mojo?

There certainly is inspiration, motivation, and dedication.

On Brad Pilon's blog I just watched a video entry that applies here. He talks about the skewed message we're getting these days—that we need to increase our exercise to match our consumption. That's pretty backward. We should reduce our consumption to the level we need, rather than trying to meet some activity quota that brings our consumption into balance. Why?

We can never out-exercise our consumption. We are capable of consuming hundreds or even thousands of calories in minutes. (When I was a teen I could eat a half a pizza, probably 2000 calories, in 10 minutes or so. How long does a burger and fries take? Or a heaping helping of cake and ice cream?) Exercising at maximum intensity, we burn maybe 6 calories per minute. You can see how out of whack that is, when it takes less than 60 seconds to eat a 280-calorie candy bar. It would take hours and hours of exercise to balance a single too-big meal.

There does exist, for every person, an amount of food that can be consumed daily that will reduce us to or maintain us at our optimal body fat level, without exercise. If eating food is the problem, then eating food should be the solution. We don't weigh more than we'd like because we exercise too little, we weigh more because we eat too much.

There does exist, for every person, a minimal amount of exercise that gives them the muscle appearance and mass they want. Doing more exercise beyond this minimal amount doesn't necessarily increase the amount of muscle mass, and may possibly just be a waste of time. And once that mass is established, those developed muscles won't be visible if they're still covered with fat from eating too much. (My own example of this: I have abs of steel. I can mantain my strong abdominals with just a few ab exercises every week; exercising hours and hours more doesn't make them any stronger, I'd need steroids to do anything more than I've done with them. But no one can see them, because they're buried under at least ten pounds of abdominal fat. No one would know, by looking at my body, what a strong belly I have.)

Anyway all those times my body was starved and I kept loosing I did have one plateau though and I had to increase my protein so maybe that was due to starvation mode??

I have no idea. I know when I'm eating reduced calories, a caloric number smaller than the amount I need to sustain my current weight, if I hit a plateau it breaks much faster when I eat more for a week than when I eat less for a week. I think we just need to change things up, give the body something new to process, freak it out a little. Because it isn't a simple equation, or a machine that gives us predictable results.

shrug

2009-09-10T15:36:00.004-06:00

Not sure why weight loss has slowed down to the speed of naught, but I'll keep on keepin' on. Have started exercising during lunchtime since I'm not eating anyway, and that is going marvelously well. Can't believe how great it feels, actually, so I'll stick with it while it works. And hopefully the weight will at least trickle off.

Husband and I went out to dinner last Saturday evening, to my favorite restaurant. I ate exactly what I wanted to, but I was moderate with the portions. Win! We had a long, long, hours long conversation about bodies—about the pressure I feel to have a certain body because that is all that is portrayed in the media. I'd really love to have a tight, flat little tummy. Will that happen, after bearing seven? I just don't foresee it. I could possibly lose that much weight, but at what sacrifice?

And why should I feel like I must? Why do I crave it so badly?

Interestingly, we ended up thinking I needed to go looking at new clothes, some that don't fit me quite so snugly. Some of my shirts, while they look okay when I'm standing, accentuate my rolls on my abdomen most unflatteringly when I sit. What if they were a little looser, and could drape over and camouflage the rolls? We went to Eddie Bauer and tried on a few shirts and pants in a bit larger size and found some things that actually look quite nice.

So I'm feeling, actually, okay[er] about myself. Why do I need to get down to a certain weight to be cute, to dress well, to feel happy about myself?

I'll continue. I'm doing well. But I'm also okay, right now, with me. I'll see where it leads.

For Angela, who recently found my blog: welcome! I'm glad you stumbled on it. I hope to see you around a lot. I wanted to address one thing in particular that you said: "Maybe your body doesn't like you skipping lunch and thinks you are starving it." For what it's worth, I don't believe in starvation mode. (That sounds funny, like it's Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.) All the latest research I can find indicates to me that starvation mode is a lot harder to enter than we're made to believe, and that if I am, for instance, lifting weights and actively building/maintaining muscle while cutting calories (even below the 1000-calorie level) then my body realizes it isn't starvation, and just behaves as it should: expending more calories than it takes in, and losing weight. I think there is ample research on this, and I'm doing my own personal experiment on it, I suppose you could say. :) In months and months of doing 24-hour fasts, I never touched my metabolism, it continued to function perfectly. We're pretty resilient creatures.

Onward! Now, with clothes that fit better! (That's a new feature, darling.)

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Now playing: Muse - Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1
via FoxyTunes

Statistics

2009-09-10T08:00:00.001-06:00

Start	23 Aug:	159.0
	24 Aug:	158.0
	25 Aug:	158.0
	26 Aug:	157.2
	27 Aug:	156.4
	28 Aug:	156.8
	29 Aug:	156.2
1 Week	30 Aug:	156.0
	31 Aug:	155.8
	1 Sep:	156.0
	2 Sep:	154.4
	3 Sep:	154.4
	4 Sep:	155.4
2 weeks	5 Sep:	?	camping trip!
	6 Sep:	156.0
	8 Sep:	155.8
	10 Sep:	155.0

Knock me over with a feather.

2009-09-06T09:28:00.001-06:00

I'm at a complete loss how I could possibly be the exact same weight as last week, how I could not continue to lose at least ounces every day. I have avoided six out of seven lunches this last week. I have regulated my portions morning and night; even a huge meal of 600 calories both times would have yielded me only 1200 calories per day, still certainly an amount that should cause loss. And I believe that my meals were lower than that amount probably every time.

So how my Friday weight was upward, and today up further yet, I do not quite comprehend. Still I shall press onward, and see what happens next.

Blergh.

2009-08-31T16:07:00.002-06:00

Was hungrier than usual today, so I decided to make it an intentional indulgence day. The theory of an indulgence day is that the extra calories rev up my metabolism, help me to burn more calories, and freak out my body so it doesn't get too used to any one thing.

So I ate lunch today. Yummy.

And then I ate chocolate and nuts.

And now I feel like crap. Like crap. Was that particular indulgence worth it, it ask you? I think not. I'm no bulemic—oh my josh, I'd rather do anything than throw up—but at times like this I feel the tiniest twinge of sympathy with them. Where's my undo button?

Square one.

2009-08-26T06:31:00.005-06:00

I'd moan and thrash about having to start over yet again, but I suppose instead I should rejoice. Right? Opportunities to do things we want to, even things we've done before (sigh) keep coming around. Yay. And right now I have an opportunity to turn my eating life around.

In addition to my renewed vigor for exercise, I've changed up what I'm doing with food. I agree with Brad Pilon that a really valid way to cut out calories is just not to eat sometimes. Food is merely fuel for my body, though I cling to it desperately for a number of other reasons (joy, celebration, socializing, comforting, etc.). Here are two short posts that underline what I'm trying to say:
Food is just fuel
Food is food, it's that simple
So right now I'm fasting one meal every single day: lunch.

My blood sugar stays a little more stable if I'm eating every day.
I don't get so desperately hungry, because I know I get dinner.
(This might be the best part.) My daily weight loss graph line is a lot more stable than with full 24-hour fasts.

When I was doing full-day fasts with Eat Stop Eat, on a fast day I'd lose 4+ pounds, and then on my following eating day gain back 3.8. Weighing once a week the general weight trend was downward, but it sure went up and down and everywhere daily. This way I get to see a lot gentler but more constant feedback. I'm not losing 4 pounds in one day (shucks!) but I'm not gaining back, either.

(For four whole days now, let's see how it goes in the longer run.)

Here's to new beginnings! Again!

The comfortable, slippery slope

2009-08-24T08:05:00.003-06:00

I really let my strength training go by the wayside. Truth is, I like cardio better. So I rebelled. And then I fell off a ladder painting the house and couldn't exercise for a while (but not as long as I didn't exercise, you know how it is). Meanwhile, I ate and ate and ate, lots more calories than I needed.

So where am I today? Horrified. I'd have to lose ten pounds before I could even tell you how much I weigh. I've only weighed this much once before in my non-pregnant life, after the birth of my third baby. I don't know why I struggled so to lose weight after she was born, but I know that the pictures of me holding her as a baby don't even look like me.

If I took pictures of me now, I'd probably think the same.

This was truly a case of letting myself go, of eating whatever I want and damn the consequences. Which only works for so long, then I look in the mirror and the consequences damn me.

Exercised this morning, did strength training on my legs and my abs. I don't know how I got so wimpy, but at least I made the first fledgling steps.

So busy, no posting

2009-07-16T07:02:00.003-06:00

Things are going pretty well. I'm painting the exterior of my house* so exercise has gone by the wayside for a couple of weeks now, but I honestly think that I'll probably be done with that [SQUEE SQUEE SQUEE] today, and I'll pick up where I left off. Doing better with intermittent fasting, it isn't the mindgame it had been. And I'm loving the calorie cycling, in that twice a week I have enough calories to eat pretty much anything I want. That, so far, is making all the difference.

Yesterday and today I weighed 150.0. I suspect on Saturday morning's weigh in I'll be below 150. I'm excited about that, because 150 is my threshold above which I do not want to go. So that means that I'm really just starting the rest of the work I need to do right now.

But at least I've begun!

__________________________
*The painting project has sucked all my time. I haven't blogged in the longest time. But I still have to eat, right? So I'm still plugging away.

All sorts of detours

2009-07-01T10:32:00.003-06:00

I've been all over the map lately with diet. I tried my own slim fast diet, in which I was going to eat fresh fruits/vegs for two meals (approx 250 calories/meal), and then a "sensible dinner". That lasted about a week.

Then I was going to eat exactly 1200 calories per day. That lasted probably two days. I upped it to 1500 calories per day. That one, though easier, didn't even get off the ground; I was too busy eating everything in sight. I haven't done a serious fast in a mighty long time, longer than two months. My periodic fasts just became mind games, in which my mind tried to convince me to eat after only one missed meal, or two missed meals. My mind always won. As I was consuming an entire day of calories in that make-up meal, I kept mentally chanting, "Food isn't bad! It's not wrong to eat!"

My problem is that I want to lose weight fast. Don't we all? I was 140 pounds once. I want to weigh 130, but I want to be starting from 140, not from where I am. So I'll "hurry up" and lose the first ten, and then keep going. Or something stupid like that.

I clicked a SparkPeople.com link over on Facebook, which took me to a blog post entitled My Top 10 Weight Loss Mistakes: What are Yours? She mentioned wanting to lose the weight too fast, and it was like a lightbulb went off for me. While it's true I want to be 140 today, or tomorrow, or next week, I can't do it that way. I have to do it sensibly. The time will pass anyway; I just have to make the most of the passing time.

So I began exercising again. I'd dropped cardio (which I love) in favor of weight training (which I believe has many more benefits, but I don't enjoy it nearly so well). So when I dropped weight training because of schedule difficulties, I wasn't doing anything at all. Now I'm doing both again.

And after my failed attempts at self-slim-fast, I began researching diets again. The diets that will work for me are somewhat limited with my mostly-vegan lifestyle, but I checked out a number of them anyway. Most were gimmicks or required supplements or wanted me to eat more times a day than I can, etc.

And then I paused. I'd just finished running and was stretching, and I had a moment of quiet to just ponder me.

And I realized, the only two diets that have ever worked for me are counting calories at SparkPeople.com, and Eat Stop Eat with the periodic fasting. Both are about eating fewer calories, because I'm obviously consuming more calories than I need. There is no way to out-exercise a bad diet, when it is so easy to consume calories and so hard to burn them off. I can eat 1000 calories in 20 minutes. I can burn about 60 calories in the same amount of time if I'm running uphill (which, needless to say, I don't).

Reality checks are good, right?

I've decided to count calories again, with the fun twist of calorie-cycling. This is where my calories average out to 1500/day over a week, but individual days vary. Yesterday I got 1700 calories, which seemed like a full out indulgence day. I ate literally everything I wanted to and barely got all those calories in. (Mind you, I didn't go to P.F. Chang's. That would have made it a bit easier.) Today I get 1300 and I have to be a little more careful. But eating everything yesterday makes it easier to leave out the really fun stuff today, and I know I get another 1700 day this week.

But when I stepped on the scale Monday morning I got a bad case of sticker shock. I weighed the second most I've ever weighed in my life non-pregnant. 157 pounds. I swear, just two weeks ago I was 149? Which is still way too much, but 157?!?!

So I began my Monday with an unexpected Eat Stop Eat fast. I exercised, I drank, and I didn't eat. And wonder of wonders, I made it through beautifully. No mind games.

So now I'm doing a combination, I guess, of the only two methods (which are branches of the same thing) which have ever worked for me.

I'm happy. I've already seen a 4-pound drop on the scale, and it's just two days later. With a few higher-calorie days per week, it feels very doable. SparkPeople is my old friend.

It won't be tomorrow, but I'll see 140 again. And hopefully after that, I'll keep going to 130.

My brain is hungrier than my stomach is.

2009-05-13T15:36:00.001-06:00

Fascinating article about how our brains sabotage our efforts to lose weight.

Not that I needed to be told; any time I've given in and ended a fast before I had planned to, any time I've gone off my calorie-calculated food plan for the day when I thought I had it under control, it was my brain talking me into it, not my stomach. My brain wants the pleasure of eating even more than my body does.

Have not had a good week with the calories, with the sugar-free, with the portion control, nor anything else; but I have managed my first real fast in weeks today. Let's hope I can turn it around and find myself some control.

Honey, oh sugar sugar

2009-04-27T08:42:00.004-06:00

So I ate more than a bite of dessert at the headmaster's dinner Saturday night. I ate, let's see, three or four cookies at the family tea party we dropped by for a few minutes on our way to the dinner. And then I ate half a [huge] piece of the richest chocolate cake at the dinner.

Woke up Sunday with a sugar hangover, a horrid headache.

Now I'm so glad I didn't eat sugar yesterday. It's so stupid how much self-control it took, but I'm so glad I didn't use this week's sugar day yesterday. I weighed 147.0 on Saturday morning and (despite my efforts, because of the cookies and cake probably) I weighed 147.8 this morning for the official weigh-in. But despite the little jump (which I know is carb-related water retention or something, onward and downward) I feel like I accomplished something. First, I lost 2+ pounds from the previous Monday. Second, I didn't eat sugar yesterday. I was stronger than I thought was. Which is self-reinforcing, now I feel strong because I was strong.

Mixed feelings

2009-04-26T19:36:00.002-06:00

Made chocolatey cookies and coconut pudding for the fam for dessert.

OMgosh, it was so hard not to lick spoons or take nibbles. Because today isn't a sugar day. But I did it.

Just tracked my calories for today.

And now I'm so glad that I didn't do a sugar day and don't have to record those calories.

So *WAH* about not eating tasty dessert, but *YAY* about today's calories consumed and not eating sugar today! :)

Brand New

2009-04-25T07:29:00.006-06:00

I don't know what that magical switch is that gets flipped, the one that gives me the strength mentally to say, "No REALLY, I'm going to do this." I've tried to flip the switch manually before; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But last week I noticed my clothes were getting a little tight. I weighed myself and found I was 150 again. And the switch flipped.

This is my new beginning. I know, both from experience and from research that I have twelve weeks to see what changes I can bring about. Twelve weeks, maybe a few more, before the fire dies out and I slide into maintenance mode.

I've had a great week! Tracking calories was a big success for me. I started the week at 150.something (didn't pay attention to the .something, I was having sticker shock over the 150) and this morning I was 147.0. I haven't done a fast all week. I've been so weak, so indulgent, for so many weeks now that I figured portion reduction and cutting out sugar were enough to work on for one week.

Also that thing they say? About not changing too many behaviors at once? Yes, I've borne it out: I was able to cut out sugar and track my calories and revamp my eating, but I was not able to also work in faithful workouts. Baby steps, right?

At sparkpeople.com I've set up a "streak" regarding sugar. If I can not eat sugary treats six days out of seven, I'll call that a wild success. If I can do that week after week, I'll call it an addiction broken! I've made it through week one. I've been sugar-free for six days. Tonight is a dinner in SLC for my daughter's head of school, and I suspect I'll have a bite of dessert. And I won't have to feel guilty about it, because I've already met my goal. :)

I've also realized that having my official weigh-in on Saturday morning, and knowing I have another entire week before the next Saturday morning, gives me a mental excuse to splurge all weekend with bigger portions and treats here and there. And I don't want to splurge all weekend; I want to maximize my efforts since 12 weeks is a pretty tight window. So I've moved my official weigh-in, the weight that gets recorded here, to Monday mornings. I just decided two days ago to do this, and it strikes me as a mighty fine idea. Looking forward to Monday!

“It's a fallacy that all it takes is willpower to reshape your body. If you can't learn to speak French in a month, it doesn't mean you're weak-willed; it means you've set an impossible goal. Weight loss does take effort, but as with any project, it also takes a plan. You can set yourself up for success.”

That's what I'm trying to do. Tally ho!

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Now playing: Elefant - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
via FoxyTunes

Had to cut back portions...

2009-04-23T12:28:00.004-06:00

...in order to tone down my appetite. I was just starving all the time, but a few days of tracking calories/intake at sparkpeople.com (and trying to cut back) has brought it back within manageable levels. It's 12:30. I'm not intentionally fasting today, I just thought I'd go without eating until I got hungry. I'm still not hungry.

Also: 4.5 days without sugar, and surviving. :)

True confessions.

2009-04-21T11:25:00.003-06:00

I ate sugar again. Drat. One little bit gave way to one bigger bit, until I was eating sugar every day. Not in the quantities I had been before, so that's good. Sugar wasn't the only thing that was important to me. But I had to start over again cutting it out. I'm on day three. It isn't as difficult this time.
I'm finding it almost impossible right now to fast. I don't know why; lack of willpower? I just get horrifically starving, and then I think, "But food isn't bad!" and I eat and then I make up all the calories I'd so far skipped that day, breakfast or breakfast plus lunch. Oh yeah, I can totally eat an entire day's calories in one sitting. :(
So I'm actively back at sparkpeople.com for the moment, tracking my caloric intake. It is easier for me, right now, to limit my portions than to fast. And I figured since I was just eating like crazy, I had to do something.
I'm also trying to be more faithful with exercise, especially strength training. Spring weather is here and is supposed to stay all week long (SQUEE) and what I really want to do is get out and jog and walk. Though I'm definitely not in the cardiovascular shape I was in last spring when I had been doing cardio faithfully. My shift of focus to strength training, and then my total laziness in not doing it, has made me a little bit winded in places where I used to not be. Sigh. I really enjoy cardio so much more than strength training. Really. But I need the strength training more.

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Now playing: Adam Lambert - Mad World (American Idol Studio Version)
via FoxyTunes

Going, going, gone

2009-03-25T10:50:00.005-06:00

It took almost two excruciating weeks, but I've really knocked out my sugar cravings. Sugar cravings are my one and only pre-menstrual symptom; so I was craving sugar all the time, but the week before my period those cravings are much more powerful, almost irresistible. And the week before my period was, not through good planning but because the stars just freakily aligned that way, the first week I went sugar-free. Which made it a very difficult week indeed.

But though I still craved sugar every single day all day long, each day the craving was a bit more manageable. And finally I came through it unscathed, and now sugar is resistible. This is a major, major victory for me. Three examples:

We spent Friday night and Saturday morning with my sister and her family. I purchased Krispy Kremes for them as a gift, plenty for two Kremes per person, and didn't eat any.
Went to a party with friends on Saturday night. The dessert table was full, and there were two of my favorites—homemade oreos (huge, almost as big as my hand) and almond sheet cake. These are things my friends regularly bring and I crave them all the time. But I stuck with food and left the desserts alone, though I wanted that almond cake something fierce.
This might sound like falling off the wagon, but I also count it a victory. We went to a cub scout dinner last night with our 9YO son. I drank a root beer with my vegetarian sloppy joe, and ate a piece of apple pie afterward. OH NOES! SUGAR!! But we have to eat like real people, right? The occasional piece of birthday cake or whatever? I could feel I was sufficiently past my cravings that it wouldn't be dangerous, and I was right. It hasn't triggered a sugar binge in me at all. I had an egg with toast for breakfast, am going to have vegetable soup, carrots, and hummus for lunch, and I have zero sugar cravings now. I just frosted a cake to give away, and I didn't even lick the frosting spreader when I was done.

So I am feeling great about that. A little sugar every now and then I don't see as a problem. No sweets makes Jack a very dull boy. Variety is the spice of life, and nothing should ever be forbidden or off-limits, because that just creates an artificial (irrational) mental need. At least, for me it does.

But my sugar cravings went to the next level, very akin to addiction. That needed to be broken. I've taken the first steps. Now I will eat sugar consciously and not mindlessly, choose it and limit it but not freak out about it.

So happy with myself.

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Now playing: Syntax - Pride
via FoxyTunes

Kicking it to the curb

2009-03-16T18:37:00.003-06:00

For all my big talk before, I'm actually detoxing from sugar now. Haven't had anything purposefully sugary since Thursday. There are times when it is still really hard. Every time I eat anything, I want a sugary dessert chaser. When I get hungry, sugary is the first thing I think of.

Which is all the more reason I must conquer the sugar addiction, no? Day three and counting.

Screw it.

2009-03-13T08:36:00.001-06:00

Do I want to be a certain size? Look a certain way? YES.

But it's just not worth giving up food to do it.

Bring on the night

2009-03-09T11:31:00.003-06:00

When it's been a long time since I did a decent fast, it's always much more difficult to get into the groove again. My stomach is protesting the emptiness today. :-/ It's not even noon and I'm ready for the day—the food day, at least—to wind up.

Just have to keep remembering that this is what I want.

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Now playing: The Police - Bring On The Night
via FoxyTunes

How Alyson lost her groove.

2009-03-07T08:53:00.007-07:00

I didn't even weigh myself last Saturday; usually I wake up with a sense of anticipation, or occasionally dread ;) knowing my weigh-in is the first thing I'll do, but last week I woke up with an overwhelming sense of I-don't-care. I'd been sick for a week, too sick to fast, and I just didn't care what I weighed. I'd been trying for a couple of weeks to talk myself into caring, but it hadn't worked.

I've been thinking about "starting over" for a little bit now. I'm so happy that I'm not in the 150s anymore, that was a good beginning way back then and a good result achieved, but I act like someone at the tail end of a diet, someone who has ten more pounds to lose but just isn't feeling it anymore. My clothes all fit again; the urgency, the inspiration to continue had waned.

I read this article many months ago—a very interesting article on weight loss, if you're interested—but the part that really stuck out at me was this:

“Weight loss happens in two stages that require two different approaches. First, there's the losing stage. That's all about food restriction. There's no particular diet that seems to be more effective than another one; it has more to do with individual preference — what you can stick with long-term. The weight-loss stage lasts an average of three to six months. …After six months, if you get there, you're a success story. If you haven't lost all the weight you want to lose in that time, you're probably not going to do it. If you still have a lot of weight to lose at that point, it's best to take several months to maintain the weight you've shed, then try another six-month diet.”

I feel like this is pretty much all over the news at present, the fact that it boils down to calories in vs. calories expended, and that low fat isn't superior to low carb isn't superior to raw food only, etc. (Now, I do think that intermittent fasting fires up the body in a different way than plain old calorie restriction, I'll say that. But it is still a form of calorie restriction, which means it is a viable means of losing weight but the studies haven't given it the crown for being superior to the others.)

Anyway, I have gotten to that point. It's not new anymore in week 20 or 21, you know? It sounded great to lose 12 pounds in 10 weeks, but the same 12 pounds 8 weeks later after 20 weeks of effort starts to sound old. I'm no longer motivated by my initial starting point, and by what I've achieved thus far. My original drive has waned, and I've been coasting for quite a while now.

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Now playing: Muse - Apocalypse Please
via FoxyTunes

This is getting old.

2009-03-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

Have been sick for a week now, with the flu—aches, congestion (snot like glue, TMI?), and generally feeling poorly. I'm functional, I can get up and make meals for the peeps in the house and I'm ambulatory, but I just feel wiped out all the time. After a shower I feel like I need to rest an hour or two. :-/ I'm getting tired of not feeling well, and I'm getting tired of being well enough that I can't just take a day off in bed.

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Now playing: Linkin Park - What I've Done
via FoxyTunes

Sugar + Alyson = OTP*

2009-02-23T10:22:00.005-07:00

Last Saturday the 21st I decided not to even weigh myself. It's been an insane few weeks since my father-in-law died—very busy schedule for me, lots of running around and doing; and worst of all, my husband is gone very, very long hours trying to settle the estate. I've missed him, I've stressed out, I've consoled myself with all manner of Valentine's treats. And I decided, rather than let a weigh-in make me feel bad, I'd skip it for one week.

I haven't exercised in several weeks—much of it is the same schedule problems, lots of late nights and early mornings. But I finally decided last week that my current method isn't working. I need to get up a bit earlier, a half hour or so, and exercise before the kids get up. Yes, theoretically, I can carve a half hour out of my daytime schedule. And for a few months I was great at that. But now mostly I don't. And what's more, I use, "Haven't exercised yet!" as an excuse to hang around indecently long in my pajamas or workout clothes with my hair all over the place, embarrassed to open the door if someone knocks.

So today was the day. I hopped out of bed at 5:15 and was done working out by 6:00, in time to make lunches and breakfasts and all the things I usually do in the morning. While the kids ate breakfast I showered, and by school time I was already all dressed with hair done, ready for the day. Much, much better. I'm crossing my fingers for a better week this week.

I really need to kick my sugar addiction to the curb. I love sugar, and I eat way too much of it. And then, because I've already eaten some, I eat more. And I crave it. And I don't feel full from good, healthy food until I've had something sugary as a chaser. And I can easily eat as many calories of sugar as I do of food, ack. So I'm trying to cut out refined sugars this week. I'm not cutting out fruits or breads or any of the healthy things that contain sugar-like molecules, that would be unmanageable; but I 'm trying to get the treat consumption under control so I'm not always thinking about and looking for sugary treats.

It'll be tough, I'm not going to lie. This week I'm pre-menstrual (TMI!) and my one and only symptom of PMS is that I crave sugar. Like, exclusively. Hell if I want to even eat anything else. I'm dying for a cookie right now, thank heavens I don't have any. (Ate 'em all yesterday. :-/ )

*OTP in internet lingo means one true pairing, like when you think that actually Jo March should have married Laurie instead of Professor Bhaer in Little Women then you think Jo + Laurie = OTP. Like me 'n' sugar.

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Now playing: Bow Wow Wow - I Want Candy
via FoxyTunes

Statistics

2009-02-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

11 October 2008 was the day I was brave enough to step on the scale again, after a failed experiment in not weighing myself. My pants were getting tighter. It served as a kick in the butt, and revived my flatlining self control. The following week I did much better with portions, and with cutting out treats.

17 October I found eatstopeat.com and ravenously read all I could about it. So excited to start. (And so excited that the previous week's efforts paid off!)

8 November I'm worrying about whether the Eat Stop Eat program is actually working for me. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something wrong.

29 November I'm not worried at all. Had a fabulous Thanksgiving two days ago, best vegetarian spread *evah*. Not surprised I gained a little, it won't be permanent, I'm already well into my first post-Thanksgiving Stop. Life is for enjoying, right? I'm losing weight for my own satisfaction, but the Thanksgiving meal was also for my own satisfaction and happiness. So I'm wildly contented. :)

6 December: Ten pounds! But it isn't "real". I weighed myself first thing in the morning after 36 hours of fasting, so a lot of it is water weight. I had a crazy food week and if I hadn't been fasting I'd have been contented with just hanging on to last week's 149!

17 January: The number is going in the wrong direction, and I absolutely know why. I'm eat eat eating instead of eat stop eating. :-/

Start	11 Oct:	156.4
1 week	18 Oct:	154.0
2 weeks	22 Oct:	152.0
3 weeks	25 Oct:	150.2
4 weeks	1 Nov:	150.6
5 weeks	8 Nov:	150.6
6 weeks	15 Nov:	148.6
7 weeks	22 Nov:	147.0
8 weeks	29 Nov:	149.6
9 weeks	6 Dec:	146.4
10 weeks	13 Dec:	144.4
11 weeks	20 Dec:	144.2
12 weeks	27 Dec:	away on vacation :)
13 weeks	3 Jan:	146.8
14 weeks	10 Jan:	away visiting family
15 weeks	17 Jan:	147.4
16 weeks	24 Jan:	143.8
17 weeks	31 Jan:	145.4
18 weeks	7 Feb:	143.6
19 weeks	14 Feb:	143.4
20 weeks	21 Feb:	pass

Why not be happy?

2009-02-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago: 143.8

Last week: 145.4
Not a surprise. Death in the family, almost no sleep, lots of emotional eating though I kept up my scheduled fasts.

This week: 143.4
Had a great week. Have been really struggling to catch up on sleep still, but all in all I'm very happy and upbeat. It's funny, when I did this weight loss thing in preparation for my 20-year high school reunion in 2007, I was contented with 140. Mentally I wanted to get to 130, but my effort slowed down with my complacency. I did have a single weigh in back then of 139.6 or something, but I never pushed the envelope. No such mental barrier this time; I'm definitely in the mindset of someone who wants to get to 130. But it's nice to have all my 140 pound clothes fit well again! :)

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Now playing: Radiohead - Reckoner
via FoxyTunes (am totally on a Radiohead kick right now)

I know it's almost redundant to keep hammering the Happy...

2009-01-24T09:54:00.002-07:00

...but I am in such a good mood right now. Exercise this morning was good, breakfast was delicious. Weigh in was good. :)

Brad Pilon posted yesterday about how unhealthy it is to limit a diet to certain foods, even if they're "superfoods". Variety is the key, and he emphasized there are no bad foods.

No bad foods.

This morning I had some healthy roasted potatoes, carrots, and soyburger for breakfast. And I also had one of those Costco muffins that might as well be birthday cake. In the past I've felt guilty about eating those muffins, but not today. In fact I feel perfectly satisfied. It was just the right touch of sweet and satisfying (and probably fatty) to make me feel absolutely contented. Breakfast and indulgent treat all in one.

Does life get better than this?

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Now playing: Radiohead - Faust Arp
via FoxyTunes

OMgosh I'm so PSYCHED

2009-01-24T07:42:00.002-07:00

I can't believe it. 143.8!

My fasting week went much better after the very difficult Monday I had to push through. I also fasted Wednesday and yesterday on Friday, and both were more or less effortless. I got a little hungry once or twice, but it wasn't the all-day-long gnawing hunger I couldn't ignore, at all. It was very ignorable. I feel like I'm back on track with fasting.

But it's today's weight that really floors me. If I weren't already a believer in Eat Stop Eat, this week would be my ultimate convincer. Last week I was feeling so blah and out of control; this week I have my lowest official weigh-in yet. This one week wiped out all the excesses of Christmas and put my results back on track. I was hoping to be around 145; to have my lowest weigh-in yet is more encouraging and bolstering than I can say.

SQUEE SQUEE SQUEE SQUEE

I'm still very excited to eat today and tomorrow. After a fast, it feels like a treat just to eat good, healthy foods. I've already got today's meals planned and I'm looking forward to all of them! And I'm already looking forward to my fasts this week and next Saturday's weigh in. Bring it on. I can do this.

Not traumatic today

2009-01-21T10:18:00.003-07:00

Given how hard it has been to fast, I decided I just had to power through Monday. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. I was thinking about food and imagining meals, and my stomach growled the entire day.

But I made it—from after dinner on Sunday to breakfast Tuesday morning. And yesterday, after a fast that was difficult for me, I made sure to eat three meals that made me smile and tasted delicious. It's a good thing when eating healthy food feels like treating yourself, right? That was me, yesterday.

I'm fasting again today, and it's not nearly as difficult as Monday was. I don't feel hungry at all. I guess I just had to get over that fasting hump again, maybe. Here's hoping my line will start slanting back downward by my Saturday morning weigh-in.

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Now playing: Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest
via FoxyTunes

But I like food! I want to eat!

2009-01-17T11:04:00.003-07:00

I suppose I've had a hard time since our Christmas road trip getting back into the swing of things. I don't know why; why is it that sometimes I lack the personal strength and motivation to do what I really want? Because I do want to lose weight. But instead of fasting twice a week and exercising as often as I needed to, I made excuses not to exercise in the morning ("I'll do it a bit later!" which I never do) and I wimped out on my fasts.

I think I may have rediscovered my motivation this morning though. My weigh in: 147.4.

I think it isn't the Christmas eating that derails me. (And maybe I'm not alone in this?) It isn't the indulgences at Christmas parties or on Christmas day, it's all the other stuff that I rationalize because of the indulgences at parties and on Christmas day. "Well I ate chocolate then, another few pieces now won't kill me. I didn't gain that much then, I probably won't gain that much now." I didn't mind the little bit of weight gain from Christmas. But I'm not nearly so sanguine about the fact that I'm still slowly increasing now, three weeks after Christmas.

Back in the saddle—giddyup!

2009-01-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

Christmas was fantastic, vacation was fantastic, New Years was fantastic.

Ate like it was a contest and I had to win. :-/ So much delicious food! And I have just about no resistance to yummy Christmas treats. Am having the hardest time with chocolate minty cookies and Almond Roca.

And so it was with trepidation and fear that I stepped on the scale this morning, and with great satisfaction that I noted I'd only gained two-point-something pounds. That's survivable. In fact, I'm proud of my body for handling the onslaught of calories and sugar that well.

Just before Christmas I was having difficulty staying warm, maintaining my own body temperature. I just was chilly all the time. I live in a drafty, old 115-year-old house so that is definitely part of the problem, but I also wondered if it was metabolic. Though I'll add I wasn't worried (as I would have been before Eat Stop Eat) that I'd "destroyed my metabolism" or ruined my capability to burn fat or anything like that; I just figured that it was a natural effect of a cycle of intermittent fasting.

Then once we got to our Christmas vacation destination and I ate meals daily and treats here and there, my body cranked up like a furnace. I was warm enough by the end of day one and too warm by day three, with no adjustment of ambient cabin temperature. I don't know what it all means, but I found it interesting. The heat generation and ability to maintain my own warmth has continued since coming home.

But I have had the hardest time getting back into the swing of fasting. There is still so much good food around, and I want it. I've settled this week for adopting a pattern of abbreviated fasts (two meals) here and there and smaller portions at meals, coupled with eating some Christmas treats. I hasn't made me lose weight, but as I said I'm happy with only a 2+ pound gain.

And today is a new day, a new week, a new year. Today I can look at that box of treats and not be desperate, because I've had my fill. I haven't denied myself anything, and all that is in there is more of the same. Today I do a real 24-hour fast again. I've already done my strength training. Today I find my strength to do what I really want to do. :)

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Now playing: Sia - Soon We'll Be Found
via FoxyTunes

Wow. Another reason to fast.

2008-12-31T11:39:00.000-07:00

From Scientific American:

Sometimes it’s not what you eat, but when you eat it. At least when it comes to longevity diets. For some time, scientists have known that animals kept on a strict diet live longer than their well-fed peers. But this Methuselah meal plan is no ordinary just-say-no-to-that-second-slice of pie kind of diet. To reap the life-extending benefits, some of these animals cut their calorie consumption in half. Such a diet might be do-able for captive mice and monkeys, but it would be a tough sell for people.

Then, five years ago, studies in mice suggested that intermittent fasting would work just as well. These mice abstained from eating every other day, and lived longer then their gluttonous comrades—without really skimping on the total calories they consumed.

Now, scientists at Kyoto University have found the same thing in worms that fasted every third day. And they found a gene that regulates the effect, results reported in the journal Nature. Like the mice, these fasting worms did not cut their total calorie intake. But they boosted their lifespan by 50 percent, and showed fewer signs of physical decline than their peers. So go ahead, enjoy that extra slice of pie. Because tomorrow’s another day. To not eat.

I've read about those extreme low calorie diets before, and have decided that longevity just isn't that important to me. But this finding, I'll admit, fascinates me. If I can get an extra, anti-aging, life-extending benefit from fasting—cool!

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Now playing: Gnarls Barkley - Going On
via FoxyTunes

Ringing out the old

2008-12-31T06:52:00.004-07:00

I've discovered that shoveling lots of heavy snow is the best upper back workout I've ever done, and mighty effective for shoulders too. Yesterday my husband came home from work and hugged me, and everything was sore. I hadn't realized it until he began rubbing. A masseuse would really be appreciated right now—as if a rural-dwelling stay at home mother of seven could just toodle off for a massage!

Our family had a fun Christmas adventure last week. We packed up the Suburban and tow-along trailer with everything necessary for nine people for Christmas, and ventured 850 miles to a family cabin near the Canadian border. We had a fantastic time, it was a unique Christmas experience for us but certainly enjoyable and memorable. I fasted the day we drove up there (thereby missing all those greasy road trip foods, nice!) and the first day of our drive back, and it wasn't too bad at all.

But I did miss last week's weigh in. And though I wanted to, I was unable to fast yesterday. I was ravenously, insatiably hungry. And you wouldn't believe the huge box of sugary treats I have in the kitchen! *kicks leftover Christmas goodies* I'm so not good with resisting sugar.

Today is the last day of 2008. It has been a good year, has flown by so quickly; I'm amazed it's gone. But so many wonderful things have happened for me, and for my family. And I go into 2009 with hope and happiness, thanks to Eat Stop Eat. I began my "New Year's Resolution" months early, and I've already lost more than ten pounds. I've found lots of new ways to build strength (including snow shoveling :D ) and I will achieve my goals this year. And it won't take me all of 2009 to do it, either.

Thank you, 2008. You've been good to me.

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Now playing: Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
via FoxyTunes

The biggest problem so far with the fasting

2008-12-15T19:09:00.002-07:00

The leftovers are piling up. I eat leftovers for lunch (the kids are fond of peanut butter and I overdosed on that long ago) and now that I'm not eating much lunch, the fridge overfloweth. All of it looks so good, now on my eating days I usually eat leftovers for breakfast and lunch! :) But still I can't keep up.

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Now playing: Kenny Loggins - Coventry Carol
via FoxyTunes

Joy to the Al :)

2008-12-13T08:28:00.002-07:00

12.2 pounds in 10 weeks. Losing even though it's Christmas time! Can I tell you how great that is?

I feel Alyson's non-alcoholic version of a little hung over. I went to B's company's Christmas party last night and ate probably twice what I actually needed, including lots of sugar. I have a sugar headache today, sigh. Have a party tonight too, with friends, and I'd like to be strong and not eat any sugar (which will be very plentiful) so I don't feel even worse tomorrow. Sugar headaches totally suck because I know it's my fault I have them, and I feel somewhat guilty about eating sugar anyway (it should be a controlled substance for me, it's my brand of heroin!) without adding the headache in.

Anyway! W00T! I wore pants I haven't worn since last year to the party, and they were a little loose. :D

Eat Woot Eat!

2008-12-10T10:42:00.003-07:00

I said in this post that particular fast felt "a bit like a pivot point—like this is the moment where I decide, 'I can do this, even if I don't always want to.'"

I've pivoted. I get it. I'm finally making it work for me. My fasts are now longer than 24 hours; I eat my last at dinner one evening, fast through the next day, and eat breakfast the following morning. Three meals, about 36 hours. Lots of water. The change is like night and day; the fasts are manageable, I don't bargain with myself that I can eat this much earlier or go this much longer, it just is what it is. And it's having an effect. Oh, yes, it's having an effect, which I'll document after my Saturday morning weigh in.

I said in this post that I can't eat "whatever I want" on non-fast days and still have success. But now I get it. I can! I can eat whatever I want. I just have to eat less of it. Monday was an eating day, and I had a little bit of chocolate, a little cup of Silk Nog (non-dairy soy nog), a bit of candy cane, a couple of pretzels; my meals were controlled portions of all of my favorite foods—curry rice, avocados... The trick was that my daily intake was still overwhelmingly made of whole, healthy foods, and I stayed in control with the little bits of other things. I don't have to go through the Christmas season without Silk Nog or christmas cookies; I can eat whatever I want, as long as I don't go nuts. (Why didn't I see that before?) And fasting really boosts the willpower: if I can go without everything but water, I can certainly limit myself to one small candy cane or one square of chocolate.

Anyway—very optimistic today. It's working, people. Don't be afraid to try Eat Stop Eat, and to try different variations of it, until you make it work for you.

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Now playing: Josh Groban & Mormon Tabernacle Choir - O Come All Ye Faithful
via FoxyTunes

Brad Pilon is brilliant

2008-12-05T07:46:00.008-07:00

Alright, I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love food. I don't particularly like being hungry, and I'd much rather eat food (yum!) than fast. Sometimes my fasts are easy, and I hardly think about food or feel a pang. I think this would be the norm if I were outside the house or could avoid the kitchen during the day. But some fasting days I struggle more than others, because I am here all the time, home raising and schooling my children, and whether I'm fasting or not I'm preparing three meals every day.

Thanksgiving dinner, made of yum and awesome.
Five lovely meals of Thanksgiving leftovers, including desserts.
My favorite dinner at P.F. Chang's Saturday after Christmas shopping.
Party at church with a fantastic meal, Christmasy desserts (cookies, oh noes!), and hand-dipped chocolates.
My 5YO daughter's birthday cake.

All of that in six days, people.

So I'm (1) feeling a little like food is controlling me instead of me controlling food, and (2) feeling a little like I'd rather eat than not. I needed inspiration. I spent a long while yesterday evening reading Brad Pilon's nutrition help blog, and it was just the thing. Seriously, don't we all need someone who has faith in us, and in our bodies? Who believes that losing fat is a simple process? Not easy, maybe, but simple—there's a difference between the two. After years of armchair research into nutrition and health and—yes—weight loss, I'll say that for me it's refreshing to read someone who says it is doable, it is adaptable, it isn't restrictive or compulsive—and who has the good research to back it up. It isn't a secret club to join, it isn't a formula so arcane and complex we'll never understand it. It's life. It's eating what we want (focusing on the healthy and whole more than the other), it's fasting twice a week, and it's strength training. Simple.

Fasting today. Feels a bit like a pivot point—like this is the moment where I decide, "I can do this, even if I don't always want to." Because I do want the results. And I feel like I've finally found The Truth, the owner's manual to my body, the way to unlock what I want.

It just all comes down to me, and doing it. Not always easy.

But simple.

A last note on Brad Pilon: I got an email from him on 11 November, filled with personal advice and encouragement. He said, "I have been following Eat Blog Eat," and "I’ve read every post." And then he quoted passages from my posts. He became my personal cheerleader for the day, at a moment when I badly needed one. I know he's got lots of people to cheerlead, but he got me through that day, which was another pivot point. A huge thanks to Brad for the research, for making the facts available to all of us, and for the personal note.

Rah rah!

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Now playing: Sia - Soon We'll Be Found
via FoxyTunes

On top of the world!

2008-11-26T07:18:00.006-07:00

I have had a fantastic week so far.

On Monday, I organized a field trip for our homeschool group. When I got dressed in my skinnier jeans and a clinging sweater, even I thought, "Wow." No delusions, I could see a difference. When my husband saw me (he met us at the museum) he said, "Oh my gosh I hadn't seen you wearing anything like that yet. You look so good." And he grabbed my butt. :)
One of the moms who participated in the field trip was my first real friend when we moved to this area ten years ago. We've since moved into a different house further away from her and I don't see her very often anymore, though we always have a great chat when we do see one another. While I was walking around making sure everyone had arrived, this friend pulled my husband aside and said, "Every time I see Alyson, she gets more gorgeous. She looks better, every time I see her."
Yesterday all eight of us stopped by my husband's office when we were passing by. We're almost never passing by, and if we are usually we're headed somewhere urgently; yesterday we had time so I said, "Let's go see Dad!" One of his coworkers, whom I hadn't seen in several months said, "You're looking good. All that healthy living is treating you right."
Last night while he was holding me in bed B said, "You even feel smaller."

Now, the compliments from my husband meant the most, because he's the one I want to look good for.

But the other two comments were pretty mood-lifting too. They weren't about weight loss. Who knows but what my own confidence, inspired by the nine pounds I've dropped, was sufficient to make me look different to both of them? But I can't help being thrilled with positive feedback like that.

And it has helped me stay on track a bit this week. The Thanksgiving feasting is already starting to trickle in—special treats here, little get-togethers there, taking the kids and eating out because we're on break—and because I know that in some way my efforts are already visible, I want to be sure that I preserve the headway I've already made.

Had a wonderful morning with my husband, and I can't wait for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Excellent workout this morning, too. All my happy hormones are just flowing like crazy, making me feel like I can fly. :)

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Now playing: Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
via FoxyTunes

Now we're cooking with gas...

2008-11-22T09:39:00.004-07:00

So excited about 147! I guess I have less need to write when I'm not whining about not losing weight or how difficult it is to fast. :) Stops aren't much of an issue—my hunger isn't severe, it's mentally fairly easy to avoid food of all descriptions. And working out is going great. I'm really focusing on strength training, and I've scaled back the cardio a lot—this last week I didn't do any. It's amazing the results I'm getting from just the strength training. I'm finding new ways to work my muscles, even just here at home, and though I am mostly well past the point where a workout makes me sore at all, I still manage occasionally to really get my hamstrings or my triceps or my quads and have soreness the next day, just enough to know it's having an effect. I feel stronger. I'm either delusional (which is possible, alas) or there's a visible difference in the way my arms and legs look.

And my clothes fit differently than they did seven weeks ago. My birthday was on 23 September, and I used a gift certificate to purchase new jeans in a larger size. I only had Old Navy size 8s (which are really mislabled 10s IMO) and I just wasn't comfortable—they were too tight, I was too muffintoppy, my thighs looked enormous and needed more fabric camouflage. I wanted something to wear while I lost weight, so I could look cute during the process.

My new Old Navy size 10s were, you guessed it, real 10s. They've changed the sizing. So they were identical to the 8s I already had—too tight, too muffintoppy. I took them back and dithered about what to do while I continued with my weight loss efforts. I'm happy to report, these weeks later, that the 8s (which should be 10s) fit me fairly well, and I no longer need a larger size. I'd like them to be a little looser yet, but they'll do.

I can see a difference in the curve of my waist, in the thinness of my face. My thighs don't strain the seams of the jeans and I can wear clothing in smaller sizes. Slim-fitting shirts have less blubber beneath them. All in all, I feel happy and optimistic. It's working! Let's hope I can hold on during this Thanksgiving week because I'm not going to lie, I love Thanksgiving food. Why else would I spend all day long cooking the equivalent of six full suppers and three desserts for one family of nine if I didn't want bites of every single thing?

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Now playing: Muse - Darkshines
via FoxyTunes

shiver

2008-11-18T13:26:00.003-07:00

Long ago, when I went to a Weight Watchers meeting early one winter morning, I noticed I was trembling and shivering and couldn't get warm. I kept my coat on the entire meeting.

Side notes: Yes, I've done the WW program, twice. The second time I got my Lifetime. I don't think I ever went back, but I theoretically could—and for $9 per meeting! And it's important to note that I went to the early morning meetings, and I went without having eaten or drunk anything at all because I had to weigh in.

Back to the tale. So, I was freezing. So cold. Someone told me that it was because I hadn't eaten, so I wasn't burning fuel the same way, and was having a harder time maintainting my own personal comfortable body temperature.

I have no idea how true this is; but I've noticed since when I fast (which I've always done, once a month for religion) that I'm colder that day. And now that the weather here is turning and it's colder, I find I have a harder time feeling warm on my fasting days. Of course my computer right here is situated in a cold corner, nestled between two drafy windows. But I didn't feel quite as chilly here yesterday as I do today. Brrr.

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Now playing: Jean-Yves Thibaudet - Your Hands Are Cold
via FoxyTunes

Bright, sunshiny day

2008-11-14T14:29:00.003-07:00

Am wearing my skinnier jeans today, the ones that are a size smaller. :) I haven't worn them yet this autumn because I thought my thighs looked too poured-in, but today I slipped them on and gave them a thumbs up.

I did manage 20 hours of fasting yesterday, though I thought I wouldn't. It was painless, I didn't suffer—managed it physically as well as mentally. Back in the saddle!

And from now on I absolutely must weigh in only once per week. The tiny little shifts up and down through the week are playing headgames with me. Who cares about ounces here and there? It's the overall trend I'm worrying about. So I'll be back tomorrow with a real weigh-in. Crossing my fingers that 150.6 is behind me for good. ;)

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Now playing: Jimmy Cliff - I Can See Clearly Now
via FoxyTunes

A brilliant Wednesday morning

2008-11-12T09:08:00.007-07:00

Had a fabulous butt/thigh workout today. I'm still trembly. Was sweating and breathing hard, yay. Noon addition: And I got in a great uphill walk and downhill run before lunch!

Weighed myself this morning. 149.0. I'm not counting it as an official weigh-in, but I'm cheered at least.

But! I haven't fasted this week. Monday after lunch through Tuesday lunchtime was supposed to be a Stop, but I didn't. As I blogged that night, my heart just wasn't in it. No results, no impetus to feel that deep level of hunger. I ate a very small supper that night and a little breakfast the next morning. In fact, I've been eating little meals all week, and "fasting" between. I know, you're like, "Duh, we all fast between meals." Yes, I agree. But here's what I mean: I haven't been snacking at all, I've avoided all treats (still have birthday cake floating around, and oodles of pudding and frosting in the fridge), and between meals—because my meals are smaller than I'm accustomed to—I do get to feeling extremely hungry, about the same level as if I were fasting. And that very feeling gives me the strength to keep it up until my next smallish meal.

The Stops have given me willpower. If I can make foods I love for my kids and not take a nibble, if I can go 24 hours without food of any kind despite my inclinations to the contrary, then I can certainly keep my meals smallish and not eat a bite between.

Have been working out well, too. Revamped my exercise schedule last week—I love making tables and spreadsheets and schedules. I like making them more than I like following them :P but I've been following it to the letter and truly, I can feel my strength and endurance improving.

So, squee. I feel happy and optimistic. (Makes a nice change from the whining, doesn't it?)

I may not fast at all this week. But I'm not giving it up altogether, especially as Thanksgiving and Christmas approach. I'm so serious about this and doing so well, and I know that serious weight-loss effort is, for me at least, a limited-time offer. I'd hate to have Thanksgiving or Christmas throw off my groove and undo whatever I've accomplished by then.

Onward and downward!

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Now playing: The Black Ghosts - Full Moon (favorite non-Muse song on the Twilight Soundtrack)
via FoxyTunes

Diminishing returns

2008-11-10T19:39:00.003-07:00

Fasting.

Am really struggling tonight—mentally far more than physically. Having trouble keeping my head in the game. Why fight the impulse to eat a healthy meal if fasting (more difficult) isn't performing any better than portion control (more manageable)?

No results = no incentive = no self control.

Fighting with self.

I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something wrong.

2008-11-10T10:58:00.006-07:00

Eat Stop Eat first week loss: 4 pounds.

Second week: gained .2 pounds.

Third week: stayed the same.

I'm not joking when I say the fasts are not as hard as they used to be, that I'm handling them better; but given the choice between fasting and eating, I'll choose eating. I mean—food, nom nom. Want. Love. The only reason to continue on with fasting twice a week is to see some serious weight loss. Serious. Not just a pound or so a week, the sort of weight loss that one can achieve simply by eating a little less and moving a little more. I'm eating a lot less. And the needle on the scale is not moving.

If you visit the Eat Stop Eat website, you can sign up for periodic emails from Brad Pilon. I'd say they come at least three times a week, and they're very educational. The one that came to my inbox today was titled "How many calories should you eat per day to lose weight?" Here is a partial quote from that email, and I really hope Brad doesn't mind me sharing this here.

It doesn't matter at all how you get to this [calorie] deficit. It just
matters that by the end of the week you have eaten less food than you needed to stay the same weight. That's it.

The real trick is finding a way to do this consistently. Most popular diets give you a set of rules to follow every day, every time you eat, taking all the fun and spontaneity out of eating. These diets are doomed to fail because they are too restrictive.

Food is supposed to be fun, and social, and nobody wants to be told they can't eat their favorite foods or that they can't go out and eat when everyone else is and enjoy the same foods and not feel guilty about it.

So back to the original question: how many calories should you eat per day to lose weight?

Answer: It doesn't matter, and it is too difficult to monitor how much food you eat on daily basis. Instead set your goal to be less food over a week, not a day. This will take the guilt away on days when you go out and eat socially, or just want to have some ice cream and burgers. So the new question is this; How do you do this? And I think I have the answer.

This is precisely why so many people are having tremendous success with Eat Stop Eat. It is an extremely easy way to achieve a weekly caloric deficit that produces lasting weight loss and does not restrict you from eating any of the foods that you like to eat or when you can or can't eat them!

So far, I'm not having tremendous success. And it isn't so easy for me, I guess, to eat "normally" on non-fasting days and have the fasting days create the calorie deficit. I'm not gorging on non-fast days, I'm still avoiding so much, and I certainly can't have a candy bar or cookies or "eat whatever I want." *heavy, dramatic sigh*

Am I somehow doing something wrong? Or—and this would be interesting—am I proving that starvation mode actually does exist?

Must I take into account that I've stayed at the same weight despite experiencing, in a single 10-day period, Halloween (chocolate nom nom) and two birthdays with three homemade cakes?

Not giving up yet.

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Now playing: Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth from the Twilight Soundtrack
via FoxyTunes

What do you do for protein?

2008-11-06T18:04:00.001-07:00

When we became vegetarian a decade ago we had a 4YO, a 2YO, and a breastfeeding infant. We didn't come from vegetarian stock; our families and most of our friends were convinced we were committing child abuse by inflicting a vegan diet on the young 'uns. "But what will you do for protein?" and "What do you eat?" are probably the most frequent questions we still get.

Now, ten years later, I can tell you I went through four pregnancies as a vegan or ovo-vegetarian, and I not only survived, I did just fine. I breastfed five babies who thrived and grew and were healthy. And all seven children have grown just fine and are, and always have been, mighty healthy. We get along nutritionally.

But somewhere at the back of my mind, I wondered if we were getting sufficient protein. I tracked calories over at sparkpeople.com and discovered that most of the time I'm only getting 15% of my daily calories from protein. I have a few days where I'm able to get a higher percentage, but 15% is about the usual, and some days I have to specially add in a protein snack (tofu cubes, yum!) to get up that far.

So most popular weight loss programs insist I have to load up on the proteins, which, without animal sources, is really a trick for me. I eat plenty of beans, but beans have more grams of carbohydrates than of protein. Ditto every other plant source.

And this is where an email from Brad Pilon set his program apart from others for vegetarian me:

In a really interesting study published back in 1996, 43 men who were experienced weight lifters took part in a study that involved exercise and weekly injections of testosterone enanthate for 10 weeks. Yep, these boys were on steroids for the benefit of science!

They were divided into 4 groups.
The first group performed no exercise and didn't get any steroids.
The second group performed exercise but didn't get steroids,
The third group didn't exercise but received the weekly injections
The fourth group exercised and received the injections.

After 10 weeks of lifting weights 3 times per week, the group that was receiving the steroid injections gained over 13 pounds of muscle. The group who were just working out (no steroids) didn't do too bad either, packing on almost 4.5 pounds of muscle in only ten weeks.

The guys who sat around doing nothing for 10 weeks but received the steroid injections still had an increase in lean mass (almost 6 pounds), while the group who received no steroids and didn't workout did not see any change in their lean mass.

So what does a study on steroids have to do with nutrition? Well, all four groups were on the same diet. They were all consuming about 0.7 grams of protein per pound of body weight and about 16 Calories per pound of body weight.

What this shows is that for a group taking steroids while exercising, 120 grams of protein per day was enough to supply the amount of protein needed to allow for a 13.5 pound gain in lean mass!

It was also the same amount of protein the the exercise only group ate to gain 4.5 pounds, and the other groups ate to see their gains,(or lack thereof).

So for the groups who saw less gains in lean mass then the steroid group, the amount of protein that they ate was not what determined how much muscle they gained. The workouts (and the steroids) did that.

Obviously, the steroids played a huge role in this muscle building effect. But the important point I want to get across to you is that the relatively normal protein intake of 120 grams per day did not hinder the steroids muscle building effects. 120 grams was enough protein to allow for relatively HUGE gains in muscle.

In the end, protein is important, but as this study shows, 0.7 grams of protein per pound of body weight is enough daily protein to allow for a 13.5 pound increase in lean mass in 10 weeks. It's also enough to allow for a 4.5 pound increase in people not taking steroids, which is still very impressive muscle growth for a ten week period!

For those of us who are not 'pharmaceutically enhanced' this study helps support the idea that your workout is the most important part of your muscle building journey.

.7 grams per pound of body weight for me would be 105 grams of protein. I think I get about half that on a good day. So I cannot, maybe, expect the same sorts of gains they get. Luckily I'm not looking at adding pounds of lean muscle tissue each week. But I did like his conclusions—the important part is working the muscle, not loading the proteins.

Eat STOP Eat

2008-11-06T11:07:00.004-07:00

Just finished another Stop, my...sixth? And I can say it's getting easier and easier. The hunger is not as it was in the first couple, it's quite bearable. Ignorable. Even—dare I say it?—absent. It's very easy to resist food because mentally, I know I'm on a fast. I'm cooking dinner for the kiddles, I'm making food (even dessert!) and I simply know it isn't for me, and I don't eat. I'm drinking plenty of water, and I'm not suffering. And I also can say that my energy level isn't suffering, either. I exercise every time I fast, and it simply isn't an issue. I have plenty of fuel to get me through any workout I can fit into my day.

2.5 weeks into it, and everything about Eat Stop Eat feels very manageable.

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Now playing: Queen - We Are The Champions
via FoxyTunes

Bleh.

2008-11-04T11:09:00.003-07:00

I ate a lot more than I should have yesterday. I ate gingersnaps dipped in soymilk (yum!) and a fun-size candybar from Halloween. (Okay, two fun-size candy bars.) I was hungry, so I ate four meals instead of three. Not four full-size meals, but more than I should have eaten anyway. And it was my son's birthday, so I ate cake even though I wasn't hungry for it. And to top it all off, I didn't do my scheduled cardio! *sticks out tongue* Neener neener!

Why do people fall off the diet wagon?

I can tell you why I did yesterday. Because fasting twice per week takes more effort than I've ever put into losing weight before, and I entered it with the "understanding" that the weight would fall off me. (Insert knowing snicker here.) I am not making up the fasted calories on non-fast days (well, except yesterday) and I figured that something this intense and efforty would pay off. Like, regularly, every week, in reasonably exciting increments.

Because seriously, if fasting twice per week doesn't deliver better/faster results than just eating three sensible meals per day, why go to all the effort and struggle? If it gives me the very same results as scaling back calories but eating every day, well, I'd like to eat every day.

After two 24+ hour fasts last week, I gained .4 pounds?! As I wrote in my last post, I know that there may be things going on internally that I can't see and I can't measure. I'm not giving up yet. But I did ~~fall~~ ~~jump~~ fly off the wagon a bit at times over the weekend because I figured it just wouldn't make any difference whether I was perfectly controlled or whether I ate all the Halloween loot myself. The scale tells me it doesn't matter.

Today I'm back. I can do this. I can stick it out for more than two weeks and see what happens next. One foot in front of the other. Onward and downward.

It's a body, not a math equation

2008-10-30T15:37:00.007-06:00

After my stellar results of last week I was expecting really big things. I thought that I could count on two pounds loss per week, minimum, if I were fasting twice a week. (I mean, more like four pounds, right? But conservatively estimating to manage my own expectations.) I was projecting forward how long until I reached my goal weight...

It's Thursday, and I haven't lost an ounce this week. In fact I'm up four tenths of a pound. And mathematically, that doesn't make sense at all. Because even on my eating days I'm eating reasonable portions. I'm not making up for calories I didn't consume during Stops. I'm drinking lots of water. I'm exercising every day faithfully—cardio, strength training. And I'm already stalled in week two of the new program.

But I'm not disappointed. I'm not discouraged. I know that it's a body I'm talking about, not a math equation. The math says I should drop fat at a steady rate. But the body is doing what it does. Possibly it's trying to catch up with the renewed emphasis on strength training: I've been faithful with it at times, and I've slacked at times. I'm just coming off a few months of almost no strength training, but with a history of good strength training. Maybe the muscles are rejoicing in my diligence and in my new heavier weights. Or maybe I just have to wait a little longer. Though we all want instant results, sometimes the body takes a while to catch up to the new behaviors.

Besides, my harshest critic (that would be me) could see a difference in the flatness of my belly this morning—a visible change!—and my pants are fitting differently. I can be encouraged by other indicators of change, if the number hovers unmovingly.

I'm in the last four hours or so of my fourth Stop. I feel fine. And I'm willing to wait for the results, and not panic because they're not instant. Onward and downward!

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Now playing: Crowded House - Something So Strong
via FoxyTunes

It's not so bad

2008-10-28T11:23:00.000-06:00

Finished my third Stop an hour ago. Nothing really to report this time—it was pretty manageable. Did strength training again this morning. Was quite hungry by the time 24 hours rolled around, but not ravenous. I ate a little snack and I'll have lunch in another hour.

Once upon a time when B went in for one of his many GI tests to figure out why his intestines were so wonky, he had to do a clear liquid fast for 48 hours before so his colon would be empty. I remember the second 24 hours well, and the effect the all-liquid diet had on his bodily functions. I've been sort of waiting for something similar because all I do is drink and drink and drink and drink water for 24 hours. I figured this has to have some cleansing effect, on top of the weight loss. I probably won't keep you up on that part of it (yes, I hear the choir singing hymns of thanks) but I thought I'd mention that I was right.

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Now playing: Oingo Boingo - Just Another Day
via FoxyTunes

End second Stop

2008-10-24T13:42:00.002-06:00

This time I made it 26 hours.

I ate an early lunch yesterday about 10:30 a.m., and then started my Stop. (Hee.) The first few hours, until about 5:30 or 6:00 p.m. were ROUGH. I really struggled, and just about posted ten or more times saying, "This isn't an easy method of weight loss, anyway! Much sacrifice involved! Difficult!" I hadn't had enough sleep the night before which made me sort of spacey in the head—I couldn't concentrate, and I was even a little dizzy. Plus I was very faintly crampy and felt drained. It made it difficult for me.

But after I got dinner cooking I caught a very short fifteen-minute nap, and then I was busy all evening with a church meeting and other things. It made the rest of the fast last night much easier. I slept fine, woke fine, jogged this morning—no problems whatsoever with energy levels, I went as far and as fast as I ever do—showered, got ready, and though I could have had a quick snack at the 24-hour mark before we headed off to homeschool drama group I still felt fine so I kept going. We got home around noon and I ate lunch at 12:30.

So it was a hard beginning, but a breezy, easy end. Yesterday I was wondering if I could keep this up twice a week, today I'm saying, "Not so bad!"

Official weigh in tomorrow morning. :)

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Now playing: The Candy Skins - So Easy
via FoxyTunes

So Fast (har har)

2008-10-23T14:35:00.003-06:00

I'm on my second Stop now. Today is only day four of the program for me, but I've already gained something from doing this: self control. It has been so much easier for me to eat proper portion sizes, and (even better) to resist sweets. Yes, I have some in the cupboard. But if I can skip three meals, I can just keep myself to one cookie. Or no cookies. It's a fabulous, powerful feeling.

Had a good strength training workout this morning. I can feel a difference with my [wimpy] heavier weights. I almost couldn't do 12 reps of overhead presses. Heh, take that puny muscles! I shall make you lean and mean!

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Now playing: Sheryl Crow - Strong Enough
via FoxyTunes

Couldn't wait :)

2008-10-22T11:53:00.001-06:00

Stepped on the scale this morning though I weigh in only on Saturdays (said very sternly to self).

152 pounds.

Halfway through the week. Have already lost two pounds.

SQUEE.

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Now playing: R.E.M. - Shiny Happy People
via FoxyTunes

First Stop

2008-10-21T11:15:00.001-06:00

I didn't quite make it 24 hours.

And I'm okay with that.

I fasted dinner last night and breakfast this morning, and snacks. I did a strength training workout today—and despite the fact that I haven't done weights in a while, it went well. I bought new weights last Saturday, so I was lifting heavier for some of the exercises than I ever have. (New weights = 8 pounds. Yes, I'm wimpy! I also have 10-pounders which actually weigh 11.6 pounds. That's my heaviest. *blows nails*)

Around 11:00 am, which was the 20 hour mark, all I could think of was what I'd eat when I broke my fast, and what I'd eat after that, and what I'd make for dinner... So rather than fixate and obsess, I decided I'd just have a small but healthy meal—one cup (measured) of the vegetable soup I made for the family last night, and one small whole wheat roll. I'm actually still hungry, so I'll have lunch in an hour or so.

I was mentally very much hungrier than I was physically. I drank plenty of water (almost a gallon) in that 20 hours, and I was able to handle the physical very well. But my mind was tapping me on the shoulder so to speak, reminding me that if I weren't fasting, I could eat this or do that.

I'm not going to lie, one of the best parts of the Stop was the religious. I decided, as long as I'm not eating, I may as well make it count for something. So it was a great 20 hours on two levels. I consider it a successful first Stop. I managed a full workout on an empty stomach (which author Brad Pilon promised I could), and I'm not at all discouraged. Quite the opposite. We'll see what effect it has Saturday, on the number on the scale.

I plan to do my second Stop for the week on Thursday afternoon/Friday morning, after 48 full hours of eating healthy foods.

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Now playing: Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son
via FoxyTunes

The next jog along the path

2008-10-20T15:13:00.000-06:00

I'm starting my first fast today, and I'm really pretty excited about it. I've been excited since I found this, because it feels sort of like the missing link in everything I've read/learned/done. This is definitely more extreme than anything I've done in more than a decade to lose a few pounds, I've been a slow-and-steady sort of girl who doesn't even label my efforts a "diet". Even this I look on as a personal science experiment, willingly undertaken because the claims and backing data were so intriguing. Because we have regular monthly fasts as part of our religion, and because I don't want to set an unhealthy example for the children if this experiment turns out to be a bust, I'm going to call my fasts "Stops" for the time being, to differentiate. I just finished a 100-calorie snack, and now I'm on a Stop until about 3:00 tomorrow.

Introducing: Eat Stop Eat (and me!)

2008-10-18T21:55:00.003-06:00

Hi. I'm Alyson. I am:

40 years old (born September 1968).
a stay at home mom, to
seven fabulous (intelligent, handsome, delightful...) children (products of seven full-term pregnancies), and I
homeschool the K-8 graders. My eldest went to high school this year.

This is the story of my weight, so I guess I'll let it all hang out (ahem).

I gained about 20-30 pounds every pregnancy.
Sometimes I lost all the weight postpartum, sometimes I kept 10 or so pounds.
Baby number seven was born 1.5 years before my 20-year high school reunion. I managed (quite easily) while I was breastfeeding him to lose all the weight, and was back to my pre-seven-pregnancies weight about six months before the reunion. *face-cracking grin*
I lost it primarily through food diaries and tracking calories. Because I was breastfeeding a baby I added 500 calories per day to all the recommended amounts, and I lost steadily and well. (Huge thumbs up for all the tools at SparkPeople.com, without which I never would have counted calories or learned so much about my eating habits.)
I've always been an exerciser—mainly walking, aerobics, a little weight training. Not long after baby seven, I took up jogging for the first time.
After the reunion (June 2007) I gained a few, maybe three, pounds on a family vacation. Then weight started creeping on last November (2007) around Thanksgiving time, and by January I had gained a total of ten pounds.
I didn't lose it, mainly because I didn't cut back on portions or cut out yummys. I made halfhearted attempts here and there, and one good attempt that was thwarted by yet another family vacation. Darn road trip snack foods!
Then I decided to stop weighing myself and go with other indicators of weight loss. (Bad idea. Five more pounds gained, woohoo.)

So that brings me to present day. Well, it brings me to two weeks ago. I was looking at pictures and didn't like what I saw, especially when compared to how I looked at my high school reunion. It was time to get serious. I attacked my cardio (a combination of walking and jogging) more faithfully and more regularly, and I started the difficult process of gathering my willpower into a cloak around me so I could resist evil cookies and treats. I have such a sweet tooth.

And then I found Eat Stop Eat, just crazily came across it one day. I have somewhat of a hobby of reading information about diet and exercise. I feel pretty well informed, though I still occasionally come across something "new" that revises my opinions a little, or gives them more depth. Years ago research might send me off my path in a wide zig, only to head back toward the path later on another zag; but but the longer I've studied and read the more my path has narrowed and my philosophy has developed. I believe in a healthy, varied diet (meat-free in my case, my reason for being vegetarian is another topic), not too high in fat. And after multiple pregnancies I believe, very strongly, that there is no magic bullet in weight loss. It comes down to burning more than I consume, whether that deficit is created by eating less, exercising more, or some combination.

In the last year I've discovered a few zigs which were not in line with the adages and pat advice one usually hears in the magazines or talk shows about weight loss. We're always cautioned against eating too little lest we trigger "starvation mode" where the body clings to every cell of fat and every calorie consumed; but I don't think that starvation mode is as easily entered as the dire warnings, and I don't believe metabolisms are as easily destroyed. We're told to start with an easy amble, and to work our way up to longer and more strenuous walks or other heartrate-sustaining exercise finally adding in a little strength training; a week's worth of intense research convinced me that strength training is far more important for burning fat (and only fat, not muscle) in weight loss than cardio/aerobics is.

But the difficult thing for anyone who wants real results in weight loss is the whole, well, food thing. How often do we hear, "You've got to EAT to LOSE WEIGHT!" and our brains think, don't we have to not eat? Eat less? Cut out certain things?

So quite by accident I stumbled on Eat Stop Eat, which advocates (1) periodic fasting, 24-hours twice a week, to create a calorie deficit, and (2) strength training, to preserve muscle mass and keep the metabolism stimulated. I can't cite all of the studies and sources I've read (I never keep those sorts of paper trails, I just learn and keep it in my brain and add to it without being able to deliver proof), but Eat Stop Eat is right in line with what I currently believe. Eat less. Exercise more. Metabolism isn't in dire danger. Self control is imperative.

So here's the new plan:

Healthy, controlled eating, with
Two 24-hour fasts per week.
Cardio 3 days per week (I love it!), two days of intervals and one of steady-state probably (that's always open to how I'm feeling and my inclinations).
Strength training 2-3 times per week.

You see, I'm just an average gal. I'm no gym rat. I don't even have a local gym—I'd have to drive 40 miles to get to one, and due to money and time restraints that just ain't happening. So I have my running shoes, I have my system of keeping warm in the autumn and winter outdoors, I have cardio DVDs for when the weather sucks too much, and I have hand weights and this fabulous DVD for strength training. (Seriously, read the reviews on that thing. Overwhelmingly positive, and I add my five stars. So worth the $10 to get six workouts.) I can only give it 30-45 minutes per day, that's all I have. It has to be good enough.

Problem: I haven't been able to actually buy the Eat Stop Eat e-book yet. I've just had to stitch together from the free emailings I signed up for at the site, an audio interview, and reviews of other people following the plan what the program is, until the next paycheck. Ack, $30 is holding me back.

But! I am not holding me back anymore!

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Now playing: Muse - Bliss
via FoxyTunes

Diminishing Returns

Counting calories

Back and forth. Up and down.

My new jam

Twinkie diet helps nutrition professor lose 27 pounds

Support group

I made it through!

Always on square one

A beginning is a very delicate time*

Keeping on

limping along

Hungry today

Life I love you. All is groovy!

Finding my limits

So I guess I feel like writing

How Sugar Ages Your Skin - Prevention.com

It's always a roller coaster, isn't it?

Excellent articles

This is everything it's cracked up to be!

Even on day one, it worked.

Would that my electronic life were easily portable!

Not bad for a first day.

Feelin' Groovy

Well, after all this time....

One, two, three...

Lookee! There's an entire world beyond the end of my nose.

I'm lovin' it.

Who are you, and what have you done with slightly neurotic Alyson?

Shout-out to Angela

*shrug*

Statistics

Knock me over with a feather.

Blergh.

Square one.

The comfortable, slippery slope

So busy, no posting

All sorts of detours

My brain is hungrier than my stomach is.

Honey, oh sugar sugar

Mixed feelings

Brand New

Had to cut back portions...

True confessions.

Going, going, gone

Kicking it to the curb

Screw it.

Bring on the night

How Alyson lost her groove.

This is getting old.

Sugar + Alyson = OTP*

Statistics

Why not be happy?

I know it's almost redundant to keep hammering the Happy...

OMgosh I'm so PSYCHED

Not traumatic today

But I like food! I *want* to eat!

Back in the saddle—giddyup!

Wow. Another reason to fast.

Ringing out the old

The biggest problem so far with the fasting

Joy to the Al :)

Eat Woot Eat!

Brad Pilon is brilliant

On top of the world!

Now we're cooking with gas...

*shiver*

Bright, sunshiny day

A brilliant Wednesday morning

Diminishing returns

I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something wrong.

What do you do for protein?

Eat STOP Eat

Bleh.

It's a body, not a math equation

It's not so bad

End second Stop

So Fast (har har)

Couldn't wait :)

First Stop

The next jog along the path

shrug

But I like food! I want to eat!

shiver